Feeling down? Don’t know why? It’s so hard to resolve feelings when we don’t know what’s causing them. Maybe we are dissatisfied with our home life? Or we don’t enjoy our jobs? Perhaps it’s because we’re in the wrong relationship or living in the wrong neighborhood? It’s possible these circumstances are contributing to our unhappiness. But the remedy for our dissatisfaction probably lies somewhere else. Often, we can find it be examining how we spend our time: our most precious resource.
How to Spend Time to be Happier
Diffused Time
Our day is mostly consumed by “diffused” activities. These include mindless, effortless activities, like watching a movie or running errands. Work tasks, although they can be challenging, are mostly diffused activities, too. During diffused activity, portions of our brains and psyche rest. This is essential to our health, so it’s important for us to have diffused time. Most of us feel well when we spend about 80% of the day in diffused activity. Problems arise when we spend more than 80% of our time like this, because it prevents us from meeting our need for other kinds of experiences.
Quality One on One Time
When we are with one other person and are truly focused on that individual that is quality one on one time. The other person could be a spouse, friend, significant other, child, parent, sibling, co-worker or even a stranger. For some, this need can be met by prayer. The activity can be a conversation, shared silence, a walk in the park, or an intimate meal. It could happen when we mentor someone, or when others mentor us. This type of interaction satisfies our need to connect at a personal level, to hear others, and to feel heard. We should aim to spend an average of about 15% of our day in quality one on one activities. When did you last enjoy some quality one on one time? How did you feel afterward?
Finding Solitude When We Need It
This is when we pause, reflect, replenish, and re-energize, giving to ourselves that which we give to others the rest of the day. Five percent of our day is a healthy goal to strive for. That’s less than one hour.
To best meet our needs for alone time, we must focus on one thing. That means no multi-tasking! We can use time spent in another somewhat automatic function, such as driving alone, to reflect on things we are grateful for, proud of, the talents and gifts we are blessed with; or just to fully experience the beautiful or stormy day around us. We can choose to just enjoy a cup of coffee and gaze out the window, asking nothing more of ourselves for 15 minutes before we begin or end our day.
Making the Most of our Days
It’s not essential to have diffused, quality one on one and time alone each day. A long Saturday lunch, walk or conversation with a good friend can help us meet one on one needs for the week.
Or maybe we just go off the grid one night a week, making a conscious effort to love and be proud of ourselves to meet our needs for alone time.
The key is to stay cognizant of satisfying these different needs over time.
Just being aware of how we spend our time will ultimately improve our happiness.
So, the next time you are feeling out of sorts ask yourself: When was I last alone? When did I last share quality one on one time with someone important to me?
If you can’t come up with an answer quickly, chances are you have some unmet needs.
Let’s all choose to meet them. And as always – remember – we are worthy, and so much more than enough.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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