Recently, I learned a new word: Generativity.  This term was invented by Erikson in the 1950s. It describes our innate desire to teach and guide the next generation.

What is Generativity?

According to Erikson, our desire for generativity related activity is low until we approach age 30 or so.

Our need for this type of fulfillment ramps up in our 40s and continues to grow in our 50s and 60s.

From around age 40 to 65 (and perhaps beyond) we feel a stronger need to pass down knowledge and experiences we’ve gained.

Erikson thought that when we reach the age of 65, our focus on generativity changes somewhat.  

We begin to feel (perhaps subconsciously) more of a concern about our legacy and the lasting impact we will leave. 

We tend to think less about personal goals and more about enabling others, both at home and in the workplace.

This is important to our happiness during this phase of our lives, whether or not we realize it.

Generativity and Stagnation

If we’re unable to point to something that we’re contributing to society, we can begin feel empty.  When we’re not satisfying our generativity needs, we’re in a state Erikson called “stagnation”.  And being there too long can ultimately lead to depression. I never had a name to put to this before.

This strikes me as interesting and somewhat ironic.

Generativity and Parenting

Just as our desire to guide the next generation kicks into high gear, that very same next generation (our children) are entering their teens, twenties and beyond. 

They’re hiking off into the sunset hell-bent on independence and in learning their own lessons.

We encourage their independence.  As they take on new challenges and risks, we’re proud.

We know this is how they will grow and mature.  As they make mistakes or stumble, we cringe. 

We feel responsible when that happens, because we didn’t protect them.  But we know as parents, we had to give them the freedom to become individuals. 

We have to honor the paths they choose.

This term I never heard before helps me understand that odd dissonance that sometimes strikes as we navigate these transitional years with our kids.  We’re so proud of them and yet find ourselves at a crossroads.

Balancing Parenting with Our Own Needs

In an effort to meet their needs of independence, we may in fact short-change our own need to nurture, protect and teach. I find it helps a little to have an explanation for part of the ongoing tension we experience as our children spread their wings, pursue their own adventures, and (largely) ignore the advice we give them.

So, what’s the answer for us?

I came across a list of “random acts of generativity” that we can all do to help satisfy our own generativity needs. The bottom line is, we need to feel as though we make a difference, somehow.

Suggestions include many varied ideas. including the following:

• We can give blood.
• Read books to children.
• Volunteer at a school.
• Teach others, either through an informal gathering or through an organized program.

I have a friend who volunteers teaching English at night. Another organized a meeting of his church group to share lessons learned from forming his own consulting business.  These are just two living examples of how to satisfy that craving to pay it forward.

Exploring generativity helped me understand the type of generosity that will feel the most fulfilling during this phase of our lives.  I hope you learned something from this piece, too.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.