We are all our own worst critic. It’s completely normal to be tough on ourselves through all stages of life. But when we become a parent, it can be particularly easy to get caught in a negative self-talk loop. This time of year, we’re especially busy, getting ready for a new school year and teachers, new subjects and challenges. Tryouts for sports. Getting back into the rigor of the academic schedule after a more flexible, relaxed summer. We’re all bound to drop a ball or two – and it’s not the end of the world. But dwelling on it can be. That’s why we need to figure out how to overcome negative self-talk about parenting.
Why We Must Overcome Negative Self-Talk
Before we start thinking, “I’m a bad mom.” Or “I’m just not cut out for this.”
Negative self-talk is a common occurrence in parents; even as children do normal things, we blame ourselves.
We begin to blame ourselves for everything that is not 100% perfect, all the time.
It’s not healthy, and it intensifies already existing negative self-talk issues we may have, which in the long run damages our ability to feel self-compassion and to be compassionate to others.
How To Overcome Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk can be especially tough for new parents, because the pattern can get worse when we suffer from lack of sleep.
Guilt for having our children in day-care or for not being able to stay home with our child 100% of the time can also exacerbate our negative mindset.
For our own health, and for the benefit of our children, it’s important to conquer negative self-talk and eliminate the negative downstream consequences.
Overcome Negative Self-Talk: focus on what you control.
We are not able to control everything that happens to our children.
And they will not always behave the way we want them to. But it doesn’t help to dwell on things that are outside of our control.
There are things that we can do to help our kids feel safe and secure.
We need to take actions we can, and then reinforce them in our own minds as often as possible.
We also need to try to curtail negative self-talk when it focuses on something that is not within our control to address.
Overcome Negative Self-Talk: don’t dwell on past mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes. Focusing on them makes it harder for to move forward.
We all learn lessons as we grow as parents.
Take the lessons from past mistakes and move on.
Try to focus on what is happening now and enjoy the moment.
Overcome Negative Self-Talk: Focus on positive things in life.
It’s easy to lose sight of what’s going well when we are overtired and insecure in our new role as parents.
But when we identify that which we are grateful for, it can help stamp out negative self-talk on other matters.
For example, if we have a good job, or a supportive partner, or parents who can help us, keep positive thoughts about these blessings front and center, as much as possible.
Perhaps we have a comfortable home, good health insurance, or helpful friends.
Even just being grateful for a sunny day or good hair day can help!
It’s okay that we’re not perfect.
If you are struggling with perfectionism, it is important to realize that you are not alone. We are not perfect, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we need to recognize them. It is important to be open-minded and not feel like you have to be perfect.
We must take care of ourselves to be our best selves.
We all know that it’s important to take care of ourselves by getting enough sleep and eating well. But sometimes it’s especially hard to do so when we are in a hurry and work long hours.
Adding parenting on top of our usual routine only makes things more challenging. But we need to ensure that we get plenty of sleep each night.
Eating well also contributes to a healthy lifestyle. It will help us maintain a healthier weight, improve our mood, and have more energy.
To ensure we get the right amount of sleep and eat the right foods, it is often helpful to track progress with a sleep tracker or food diary app.
Think about how much you love your children.
Most likely, your children are your whole world, right? They’re wonderful, and they have their quirks, but they’re wonderful to be around. So, when we doubt ourselves, it can help to remember how wonderful our little ones are. They are the future – and provide us a means to experience a kind of love different from any other.
Find a hobby or passion outside of parenting.
An outside interest can be a great way to help take your mind off the stresses of parenting. Sometimes we just need to reset our perspective to eliminate negative self-talk. Some people find cooking, gardening or sports can be a healthy diversion.
Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something you truly enjoy doing. Our lives can’t be all about parenting – that puts too much of a burden on our children! It’s vital that we find other ways to spend our time, whether it’s alone or with other. A hobby is healthy for us and can also be a great form of self-care.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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