When we forgive, we release emotions that cause stress and negativity. In fact, science has proven that when we release these negative emotions, our well-being immediately improves. The effect is long-lasting and others around us feel better, too. This makes forgiveness an amazingly powerful choice. But as we all know, forgiving people who have hurt us is hard to do. And as hard as it is to forgive others, it can be even more difficult to do something even more essential: forgive yourself.
Why We Must Forgive Ourselves
No doubt we all have memories of times when we wish we could have a major do-over. But life isn’t like that. We have to learn to come to terms with the past, including all of our own missteps.
- Are there things that happened when we were younger that we didn’t have the maturity or experience to handle well?
- Was there a time when we looked the other way instead of confronting another’s wrongdoing?
- Did we let someone take advantage of us? Do we now wish we had stood up for ourselves?
- Is there anything we have done that may not have been 100% honest, kind or generous?
- Are there words we spoke or actions we took that we wish we could take back?
I’m pretty sure we all have examples floating in our minds right now, because we’re human, and let’s face it – we screw up a lot. We have all had to make tough decisions, sometimes in a split second. And some of our words, actions and decisions have been the wrong ones.
The bad news is that chances are good that we will all keep making mistakes and perhaps even mess up on a grander scale in the future. The good news is that we can choose to forgive ourselves, and validate who we are, in all our imperfection, right now.
Making A Poor Decision Does Not Make Us a Bad Person
There is a tremendous difference between making a bad decision and being a bad person. We may not have done all the right or best things; but we can decide to be compassionate to the person who made those choices. She did the best she could.
If we can’t forgive ourselves for our own good, we must do it for those we love.
Because when we carry guilt and regret, it leads to feelings of shame. Biologists have proven that while we feel shame, our brains are physically unable to generate positive feelings.
As a result, when we feel shame, we cannot be compassionate to others.
In fact, when we feel shame, we tend to project negative behaviors to others we care about, without even realizing we’re doing so.
Forgive Yourself and Rid Yourself of Shame
This doesn’t mean we should push bad memories or disappointments under the rug or create an alternative history where what we did was okay. Quite the opposite.
We must own our own short-comings and be honest about when we have been less than our best selves, and then forgive ourselves for those failings and weaknesses. They make us human.
Forgiveness and Mindfulness
The best of all worlds would be if we could be mindful enough to give ourselves the gift of forgiveness in the moment.
Imagine not having to through the whole cycle of feeling badly, blaming ourselves, and experiencing shame to get to the place where we accept and forgive ourselves.
Imagine owning up to the mistakes we make as soon as we realize we’ve made them.
Immediately knowing it’s okay, and that mistakes don’t make us less worthy of love and happiness.
Imagine that world, because that’s the world where we learn to forgive ourselves as well as others in the moment. And that’s better for everyone.
Forgiveness. It’s the beginning of a beautiful new life.
Please comment and share how you’re doing with. Can you forgive yourself? Can you release all the guilt and regret? You deserve to do so. Today.
We have all done the best we can, and we are all so much more than enough.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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