Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation that is used to control an individual’s emotions, actions, and behavior.
It is a tactic that involves the use of fear, guilt, shame, and obligation to get someone to do something that they may not want to do.
Emotional blackmail can come from anyone, including family members, friends, colleagues, or even romantic partners.
It may be conscious or subconscious; the blackmailer may not even know what they are doing, and how it may be affecting you.
Emotional blackmail is a learned behavior.
Once a manipulator senses where your hot buttons are, they may begin to push them more frequently.
This, too, may happen whether or not they realize they are doing it.
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail can take many forms, but it usually involves a threat of some kind. This threat can be obvious or subtle, and it can be direct or indirect. Emotional blackmail is intended to make the victim feel guilty or ashamed if they do not comply with the blackmailer’s demands.
Fear also plays a role. For example, in a romantic relationship, one partner may imply that they will break up with the other, if the person doesn’t comply with their demands.
This fear of rejection may drive a person to commit acts or adopt behaviors they are not naturally inclined to perform. The more insecure someone is in a relationship, the more likely they are to succumb to this form of manipulation.
Emotional blackmail can also include tactics such as playing the victim, using flattery or praise, or even withholding affection or attention until the victim complies with the blackmailer’s demands.
The High Price of Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail can lead to long-term emotional damage.
Victims can develop feelings of anxiety, depression, or even trauma.
They may also become isolated from friends and family members, as the blackmailer may use emotional manipulation to turn others against the victim.
Or to limit their partners interaction with other people who may call him or her out on their behavior.
Relationships that include this type of manipulation can also affect an individual’s sense of self-worth.
Victims of emotional blackmail may begin to doubt their own judgment and decisions, and they may develop a sense of helplessness or hopelessness.
How to Deal with Manipulation
Dealing with a situation like this can be challenging, but it’s necessary. It is important to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. Here are a few strategies that may help:
Recognize the Signs
Be aware of the signs that you are being manipulated. This can include threats, ultimatums, guilt-trips, and other manipulative tactics. Blackmailers may also use gaslighting as a tactic. This complex behavior can lead the other partner to begin to doubt themselves, their memories, or even their sanity.
Set Boundaries
Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do. Set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let the blackmailer make you feel guilty for setting boundaries. Remember you have a right to your own thoughts, actions, preferences and opinions. You are in control of your own actions and it is okay for you to not accommodate the wishes of another person.
Communicate Clearly
Communicate clearly with the blackmailer. Let them know how their behavior is affecting you and be honest about your feelings. Avoid getting defensive or engaging in arguments. It’s okay to just say no. It’s also okay to suggest a break, if you begin to feel uncomfortable or threatened by the situation.
Get Support
Get support from friends, family, or a therapist. Relationship issues, especially of this nature, can be difficult to deal with on your own, and having a support system can help you stay strong and stand up for yourself. Confide in someone you trust or reach out to support groups that are available in the community for those in difficult or manipulative relationships. Talking to someone who understands what you are going through can be very self-affirming, especially if the manipulation and emotional blackmail has been going on for a long time.
Why You Must Overcome Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail can have a high price, both emotionally and mentally. It is important to recognize the signs and to set boundaries to protect yourself. Remember to communicate clearly, get support, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and manipulation of this type should never be tolerated.
Emotional blackmail is a common tactic used by narcissists. If you suspect narcissism is an issue in your relationship, please read this post: Psychological Roots and Dangers of Narcissism.
Do you have unmet emotional needs in your relationship? Check out: Emotional Needs for Healthy Relationships.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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