As humans, we experience a host of emotions throughout our lives. Unfortunately, one that many of us will need to cope with at some point is grief. We may experience grief when we lose a loved one or have another tragic development in our lives: a health issue, betrayal, or the end of a relationship.
Grief is a completely normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind – no matter how trivial or serious the loss may initially seem. Let’s take a moment to look further into grief and how to best cope when we experience it.
The Five Stages of Grief
There’s a general consensus that there are five stages of grief. Some people will experience more, some will experience fewer; some will encounter them in order, others will not. But, in general, these are the primary phases humans are believed to pass through as they cope with loss.
Denial
The first stage of grief tends to be denial. When our reality has completely shifted, it is normal to initially struggle to believe that this could have actually happened to us or to someone we love. Often, during this stage, we try to rationalize things and process our doubt.
Anger
Many people feel anger during the grieving process. This is often a form of release for all of the other emotions we experience when we suffer a loss. Anger needs to be managed responsibly, which can be especially difficult when coping with grief.
Bargaining
Many of us may try to bargain when we experience loss, either with other people or with a higher power. For example, we may pray that our loved one gets better, and commit to lead a better life if and when they recover.
Depression
One of the most difficult emotions associated with grief can be depression. Depression often surfaces as we begin to accept the reality of what has happened. Along with these feelings, we may experience and dwell on other negative emotions, including sadness and loneliness, that are difficult to manage and can impede our day-to-day life.
Acceptance
At this stage, we begin to accept our loss and don’t experience as much pain and emotional suffering. Though our sadness does not disappear, at this phase, we are more able to function somewhat normally.
Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief
All too often, people can turn to unhealthy and habit-forming coping mechanisms to deal with emotions during the grieving process.
It’s essential to avoid this, as these tactics neither speed up or eliminate the discomfort of the grieving process and can have serious negative consequences.
Instead, it’s important to find healthier ways to cope. Keeping busy can prove therapeutic for some.
Interestingly, many who lose a loved one embrace the process of planning a funeral or other memorial, as it can prove a meaningful and appropriate distraction.
Others may prefer to keep themselves occupied with something not related to the loss or may choose to leave their time less structured. What’s important is to do whatever is best for you.
Reaching Out for Support as You Cope with Grief
When experiencing grief, we must remember there is support available. We can reach out to family and friends who can help us through these hard times. Often, employers may allow time off to process everything, so be sure to ask for what you need.
When we are truly struggling, contacting a therapist or counsellor or other medical professional can make a big difference.
There are many support groups, helplines and charities out there as well. Remember, if you want or need support, you never have to be alone!
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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