Many of us suffer from chronic anxiety. Those challenged by this condition find themselves in a resting state of high alert. Pretty much always on edge, “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” we jump higher than most at sudden noises. And we spend much of our time worrying or in a state of rumination. It’s exhausting, debilitating, and bad for both our mental and physical health. For example, elevated stress hormone production may put chronic anxiety sufferers at higher risk for heart disease. Most of what I have read about chronic anxiety focuses on stress as a trigger and driver. Recently, though, I found research that highlighted a different potential connection: between anxiety and grief.
Connections Between Anxiety and Grief
In some cases, understanding the root of anxiety can make all the difference.
As noted above, most of us have heard the common theme of stress as a driver.
But many other experiences and emotions that may stoke feelings of anxiety. Examples include:
- Guilt, either from something we have done, not done, or guilt we experience as a result of emotional manipulation.
- An unhealthy need or obsession with control.
- Major life changes.
- Relationship challenges.
- Financial difficulties.
- Health issues, either our own, or those of someone close to us.
These types of drivers of anxiety are well explored in the literature.
But a less frequently explored relationship is the connection between anxiety and grief.
The Nature of Grief
Many are familiar with the stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross decades ago. She defined phases typical to many that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
One thing not explicitly called out in Kubler-Ross’ model? Anxiety.
Thinking about it, many of us experience anxiety in conjunction with both anger and depression (two of the phases described above) throughout our lives.
Though Kubler-Ross did not dwell on the experience of anxiety as being a component of grief, for many of us, it certainly is.
Regardless, if you are experiencing grief, learning more about the phases of grief described more fully in Kubler-Ross’ book may provide you comfort.
Why We Grieve
When we reflect on causes of grief, the loss of a loved one, friend, or pet may be the first thing that comes to mind. But there are many other situations that may lead us to grieve.
And as a result, may elevate our own tendency towards anxiety.
Examples include the end of a relationship, a job loss, or a career change.
Even changes typically viewed as positive, such as retirement, may trigger grief.
Other changes, such as becoming an empty nester, or moving to a new home can trigger feelings of loss and grief as well.
Grief is not always connected to a discrete event. We sometimes forget this. Life changes may be gradual.
We may not feel the impact until we hit a new baseline. Or take time to reflect on where our lives have led us.
We may be on a slippery slope that’s bringing on feelings of grief and not even realize it.
We may mourn something as nebulous as the loss of youth, or the loss of an opportunity.
Things that are truly difficult to grapple with and get our arms around.
Examining Anxiety in the Context of Grief
Understanding the underlying cause of anxiety can help us manage it. And sometimes, dispel it entirely.
If you are in a state of anxiety of unknown origin, it may help to consider grief as a potential driver.
- Have there been sudden changes in your life recently (either positive or negative) that may have components of loss to them?
- Is gradual change leading you to a different mindset or set of circumstances?
- Are you grieving the loss of something nebulous or difficult to describe?
- Do you have unresolved grief that may stem from something that happened long ago?
Anxiety, The Missing Stage of Grief, is an excellent resource about the potential connections between grief and anxiety.
Grief and COVID-19
The pandemic gave many of us feelings of both anxiety and grief.
Even if we were fortunate.
Even if we did not lose loved ones, or experienced significant health issues, we all experienced loss.
Our losses vary and differ in significance and intensity.
We may have lost our business or our livelihood.
Or we may been impact by the loss of personal contact with others.
Or we may simply have experienced loss as a result of changes to our lives that felt beyond our control.
Though we are told the pandemic is largely behind us, the impacts of it will be life long, for many.
If you are one of these people, take the time you need to effectively grieve your personal loss.
Grief and Anxiety Recap
If you are feeling more anxious than usual, ask yourself:
- Could I be feeling anxious as a result of grief?
- Am I experiencing loss, perhaps in some way that is not immediately apparent in my life?
If the answers are yes, this may provide a new area to explore and potentially resolve.
In the meantime, as always, the path to contentment and peace most likely begins with some strong, healthy, unbridled doses of self-compassion.
- Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your closest dearest friend, your precious children or parents, your lifelong soul mate.
- Forgive yourself for any short comings or missteps. Most of us struggle every day in some form or fashion.
- Embrace the feeling of calm that envelopes you as anxiety and grief begin to subside.
- Celebrate moments of happiness as they arise, and file them away for the moments when joy seems elusive. We all need a memory bank to fall back on when times are challenging.
- Make the choice to look forward with optimism, and envision a future life filled with new opportunities and fullness.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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