We all experience guilt, at least some of the time. For example, when we know we’ve done something wrong. Or when we are concerned that we may have hurt someone’s feelings or brought harm to someone else. Often, however, we feel guilt for other reasons. And sometimes, we may not even realize we’re experiencing it. It’s important to become more aware of guilt, because this is the first step to resolving it and healing. It’s important that we do this so we may explore these feelings and ultimately, stop feeling guilty.
The reasons? First, guilt is not useful. If we have true reason to feel badly about our actions, guilt does nothing to rectify the wrong.
Second, guilt is harmful to us. In fact, shedding, resolving, or eliminating feelings of guilt is essential to our mental, emotional and physical health.
More on that in a minute.
Obvious Causes of Guilt
As noted above, there are obvious things that lead us to experience guilt.
If we’ve done someone harm. Or if we’re harboring a dangerous secret.
Or perhaps if we’ve not been 100% honest about a situation with a friend, family member or co-worker.
These are not unusual situations.
Usually, when we feel guilt related to something like this, we recognize the emotion we’re experiencing.
Other Things That Cause Us to Feel Guilty
There are many other things that make us feel guilty, however.
And many of these are less obvious.
Other situations that may cause us guilt include:
- Having thoughts we don’t think we should have
- Making self-care a priority
- Disappointing someone
- Making a mistake, or a poor decision
- Feeling unhappy or dissatisfied with life, even though our basic needs are being met
- When we do anything that is inconsistent with our personal value system
- If we have survived a natural disaster, car accident, or avoided injury in a military conflict; If others were injured or killed, we may experience a form of guilt known as “survivor guilt.”
Guilt is a Useless Emotion
As noted above, guilt is a common emotion. But it’s never healthy or warranted.
It may help to think of it as useless.
When we feel guilt, we need to do what’s necessary to diffuse it.
That may mean reassessing whether we have anything to truly feel guilty about.
Or it may mean confronting those negative emotions and holding ourselves accountable for their root cause.
Delivering an apology, if appropriate. Or taking other action to address the wrong we believe we have done.
More Reasons to Overcome Guilt
Beyond the negative impact guilt has on our emotional and psychological health, and the fact that it does nothing to resolve the root cause of our guilt, feelings of guilt can lead to a wide variety of mental and physical health.
For example, guilt is often associated with generalized anxiety and depression – either as a cause or an effect.
Guilt is also sometimes associated with PTSD, OCD, and eating disorders.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty
It can help to follow these steps to begin to explore our feelings of guilt, and to ultimately resolve them.
Step 1: Acknowledge Feelings to Stop Feeling Guilty
The first step to stop feeling guilty is to acknowledge our feelings.
It is important to recognize that we are feeling guilty and explore the reasons behind it.
Why do we feel guilty?
Once we have identified the cause, we may be able to take the necessary steps to address the problem.
Step 2. Learn from Our Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, and it is important to learn from them.
One thing we know for sure: no amount of guilt or regret can change the past.
Instead of dwelling on our mistakes and feeling guilty, we should use them as an opportunity to learn and grow.
It’s best to reflect on what we could have done differently and use this knowledge to improve our future actions.
Step 3. Apologize and Make Amends to Stop Feeling Guilty
If our guilt is related to something we have done to hurt someone else, it is important to apologize and make amends, if possible.
Whether or not we can undo the wrong we have done, this action demonstrates that we recognize another person has been harmed.
And that we take responsibility for our actions.
It’s the beginning of a true, heartfelt apology that can potentially resolve the negative feelings between you for good.
Step 4. Practice Self-Compassion to Stop Feeling Guilty
This is a difficult process, and even though someone may have been harmed as a result of our actions, we must treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.
We are human and we make mistakes. We need to be gentle with ourselves and try to avoid negative self-talk.
Chances are it is a true statement to say we did the best we could with what we knew and the experience we had at our disposal. And that we did not intend to bring harm to someone else.
As we go through this process, it can be helpful to focus on positive affirmations and self-care activities that can help us to overcome feelings of guilt.
Step 5. Forgive
Forgiving ourselves is an important step in letting go of guilt.
It is important to remember that holding onto guilt will only weigh us down and does nothing to resolve its cause.
Instead, we need to try to forgive ourselves and move forward.
How to Stop Feeling Guilty and Forgive Ourselves
Guilt is a natural emotion. It is important to recognize guilt when we experience it.
It’s essential to learn to manage guilt so it does not take over our lives and it doesn’t impact our mental and physical well-being.
It’s important to analyze where our guilt is coming from to understand the best way to address it and resolve it.
Why We Must Stop Feeling Guilty
Not recognizing and dealing with guilt, when we experience it, has a tendency to amplify other negative emotions including shame.
Ultimately, chronic guilt can lead to destructive behaviors, mental health distress, dissonance, unhappiness, and physical ailments such as insomnia, GI problems and high blood pressure.
So, it’s important to name it when we feel guilt and take conscious measures to address it.
By acknowledging our feelings, learning from our mistakes, practicing self-compassion, forgiving ourselves, and seeking help if needed, we can overcome guilt and move forward with a positive attitude, and healthier relationships.
Seek Help When We Struggle to Stop Feeling Guilty
If our guilt is overwhelming and we are unable to manage it on our own, we must seek professional help.
A therapist or counselor can help us work through feelings and develop strategies to manage our guilt in a healthy way.
Want to read more about guilt? Check out Guilty Gratitude.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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