We all know how challenging it can be to stay upbeat. But we humans face a challenge that’s much more difficult than that. As a species, we are not naturally positive. In fact, we are not naturally neutral in temperament, either. Our thoughts tend towards the negative in our natural state. That ingrained tendency is known as negativity bias.
One reason for this is because, as a species, we are naturally “wired” to expect the worst.
We tend to find bad news more believable than good news.
And our negative reactions linger longer than positive ones.
These tendencies are referred to as our “negativity bias”.
Why do humans suffer from Negativity Bias?
Back in prehistoric times, those most aware and suspect of surrounding dangers survived.
Signals that warn us about threats like these originate in part of the brain known as the amygdala.
So early humans with a more active amygdala were more likely to survive and pass on their genes.
To this day, negative stimuli lead to more electricity in our brains.
We expect and pay more attention to the bad stuff.
And there you have it – another result of “survival of the fittest” – we are a species composed largely of pessimists!
What Negativity Bias Looks Like
This negativity bias plays out in many ways. For example, we can have an incredible date or job interview. But there can be one minor negative comment that preoccupies us afterward.
And we think about it so much that it can overcome our positive memories of the experience.
In short, bad memories are much more “sticky” than happy ones.
Isn’t that too bad?
Negativity bias is also the reason why we tend to remember insults much longer and, in more detail, than compliments.
It’s also why traumatic memories stick with us, often throughout our lives.
It can also mean something trivial – perhaps an oddly worded e-mail that makes us wonder what the writer really meant – can irk us for days.
How Negativity Impacts Relationships
Not surprisingly, our ability to “beat the odds” of negativity bias is important to our relationships.
For example, happily married couples tend to have five times as many positive interactions as negative ones.
This is what it takes for us to perceive an experience as positive.
One grand gesture from time to time just doesn’t cut it.
Frequent small kindnesses are the key.
Those couples who break up or divorce often succumb to separation partly because they don’t have enough positive interactions to outweigh the negative ones they share.
Overcoming Negativity Bias
Overcoming negativity bias can help us feel more content. If we’re successful in curtailing our tendency towards this bias, it also means we’re more likely to have happier relationships.
Recognizing the many benefits of a positive disposition, it’s important for us to seek out ways to retrain our brains to find the “bright side”.
Lucky for us, our brains are also built to allow us to “re-wire” them through learning new responses.
In fact, we can actually retrain our brains to scan for positivity vs. negativity, to expect good things to happen, and to anticipate success.
In short, we can teach ourselves to overcome negativity bias.
Ways To Overcome Negativity Bias
Here are some suggestions about things we can focus on each day to help retrain our brains:
- Pay attention to how we talk to ourselves (the tone of our internal voice, the words we choose, etc.).
- Single out good moments that occur each day. Remember them in detail, so they become part of our long-term memory banks.
- When we find ourselves over-analyzing something negative that has occurred, have a go-to activity to distract us.
- Have a stand-by constructive “pep-talk” that we deliver to ourselves when we do something we’d prefer to forget. (For example, rather than dwelling on how poorly we performed in an interview, coach our internal dialogue dwell on how much we learned).
- Think of ourselves as someone else. Deliver feedback to ourselves as gently and kindly as we would to another person.
- Deliberately focus on good things that are present in our lives.
- Make it a point to celebrate all successes, small and large.
- Notice positive attributes in others and acknowledge their strengths.
- Express gratitude openly. It is very difficult for negative thoughts to co-exist with positive ones.
Whenever we think a negative thought, let’s make it a reflex to challenge it with an equally likely positive thought.
Here’s an example.
Next time I think “There’s no way I can ever lose 10 pounds,” I’m going to tell myself I have just spoken a “negative truth”.
The alternative, equally possible “positive truth” is: “If I watch what I eat and exercise, I will lose 10 pounds”.
Let’s Kick Negativity Today
A strong negativity bias served our ancestors well.
But today, it’s not as helpful to our overall well-being.
Although there is a time and place and need to process negative feelings, a negative attitude that is too pervasive can be detrimental to our health, happiness, relationships and careers.
So, let’s make an effort to kick negativity bias to the curb.
Let’s do our best to dwell on the positive instead.
What have we really got to lose?
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
One Response
This is always so important to keep in mind! Great post!