I recently heard the words ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ during a short conversation; they were used almost interchangeably.
Overhearing that conversation and thinking about it afterward, I began to wonder – how do destiny and fate really differ, and which, if either, do I believe in?
How Destiny and Fate Differ
As I dug into it a bit, I realized the meaning of the two words is quite different.
Once I understood the two words better, I thought of examples that helped me clarify my own personal belief.
So now there’s at least one thing I know for sure.
I will never again say the words: “It must be fate.” Here’s why.
Do You Believe in Fate?
Fatalists believe future events are inevitable. That the universe has preordained everything that will happen, when it will happen, and how it will unfold. Those who believe in fate think we have no control over future events. They also think our fate is completely out of our power to influence. In other words, if I take an action, it’s because I was always meant to take that action. I had no role to play. I’m just kind of a puppet, here to act out a play that’s already been written and choreographed.
In a way, fatalists are committing to a life without dreams. Because they believe we are powerless to influence our future. Believing in fate also means that we believe we have no responsibility for how our lives unfold, how we behave, or how we show up for people in our lives.
Do you believe in destiny?
Destiny, on the other hand, is more complicated. Because it involves our free will.
If we believe in destiny, it means that we believe we’re each born to do certain things.
We’re intended to meet certain people and pursue certain goals.
But those who believe in destiny also think that we each have the free will to pursue or not to pursue our destiny.
People who believe in destiny understand that we must first commit effort and energy to learn what our destiny is meant to be.
Discovering Our Destiny
Our destiny is rarely self-evident.
It’s often a struggle to reach even a broad understanding of what we may have been born to do.
And that’s just the first step.
If we’re lucky enough to figure it out, we must then decide to invest effort and energy into pursuing that destiny.
We will not get closer to our achieving destiny if we don’t work towards it.
Pursuing Our Destiny
Here’s a personal example that helps illustrate this.
I realized at the age of 55 that I thought I might have been born to write a blog focused on personal growth, positive psychology, and happiness.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, I had realized something I may be destined to do.
Realizing this was a first step.
Deciding to pursue that destiny was a separate choice.
And each time I type a post or read a psychology paper or a new book on happiness, I make another choice to invest energy in pursuing that destiny.
Unlike fate, our destiny will not come to pass on its own.
We achieve our destiny only when we apply the necessary dedication, energy and ambition to pursue it.
The magic happens when we align our personal energy with the energy of the universe, the supernatural, or whatever power you believe in.
Clues to Our Destiny
What’s interesting is that as we live our lives we may encounter multiple gentle hints about what our destiny is supposed to be.
We may resist years of nudges from the universe, as it attempts to guide us to our path of ultimate fulfillment.
We will each never know how essential our destiny is – to us, to someone else, or even the world.
But regardless, we may one day be hit over the head with an undeniable awakening.
That awakening can be an intense avalanche of feeling that disrupts our thinking entirely.
It allows us to see a different path forward than we have ever pictured before.
That view may help us to realize the path we are on is the wrong one.
Or that we have the ability to walk on a few paths at one time.
We may have an almost blinding epiphany, at any point in our lives, that changes everything, but have to open ourselves up to experience it.
Or not. We may have to really look closely for the clues and messages the universe is trying to send us.
This is one of the biggest ideas I came to appreciate while reading up on this topic. We have to pay attention, darn it.
When Dreams Don’t Align
It can be easy to get so caught up in pursuing a dream or a job or a goal that we become blinded to the messages the universe is sending us.
We may believe we know better, that we’ve figured it all out.
We may become somewhat or single-minded in pursuit of something we think is our destiny.
Though we usually associate being single-minded with being determined, (a positive trait), in this case, being single-minded can work against us. It can mean we see one thing so clearly that we cease to see all the other options around us.
Pursuing Our Destiny Is a Choice
Life provides us so many choices, so many potential paths, so many ways to be fulfilled, to give back, to encourage, to bloom.
It can be overwhelming, having so many choices.
But it’s important that we never stop allowing ourselves to assess our options.
We must be aware of our fallibility and open ourselves up to the possibility that the universe may know better than we do. And that it’s never too late to try something new, reassess our life goals or dreams, or strike out in a new direction.
We have to keep our antennae tuned into the signals coming to us, and remember, we’re never too old, too wise, or too committed to anything to not potentially pursue a new adventure.
What am I meant to learn?
So next time you experience a failure, a disappointment, a crisis, or a setback, ask yourself:
- What is this event telling me about my destiny?
- How am I intended to learn from it?
- Is there a lesson here about what I’m good at?
- What I need to learn more about?
- How can I make an impact?
- Is it different than what I’ve been thinking all these years?
And be truly open to whatever it is that the universe is trying to tell you.
We Are Born with a Destiny
We are each born with a destiny. To be someone, do something, impact the lives of others. But what we make of the life, the gift, we’ve been given is entirely up to us.
We have the free will to pursue our destiny. Or to let it slip away from us.
Let’s open up our eyes to the possibilities of our destiny. And then let’s squeeze as much beauty and possibility out of each and every hour as we can. Honoring the blessing of opportunity that we’re each given to discover our dreams, our destiny, and our life’s purpose. And let’s pursue that destiny with all of our heart and soul!
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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