As we covered in our previous blog post on worry, overthinking and rumination, many of us suffer from intrusive thoughts that do not serve us. In fact, the majority of people experience persistent worries or overthinking at least from time to time. Strategies to counteract our tendency to worry and remedies for chronic overthinking vary depending on the nature of the topic that is preoccupying us. Today’s post focuses specifically on how to stop overthinking relationships.
How to Stop Overthinking Relationships
Overthinking relationships is a common problem. We may find ourselves constantly analyzing every little thing our partner says or does, or obsessing over what they may be thinking or feeling.
Chances are that our tendency to overthink is rooted in our own insecurity in the relationship.
We are afraid to be vulnerable, to put our trust in someone else.
We are skeptical and cautious and doubtful.
In extreme situations, we begin to catastrophize even the smallest mishaps or misunderstandings.
A simple unanswered text message can evolve into a fear that we’re being ghosted, that the relationship is over, or that there’s someone else.
A partner’s honest request for privacy can be misconstrued if we instead begin to believe they harbor a secret.
As you can see, it’s easy to go up the inference ladder in response to an action, or lack of action, or any other situation, when we don’t have strong trust in our partner or significant other.
This overthinking leads to anxiety, stress, and often, deeper problems in the relationship.
Though there may be no basis in fact for these fears, the fact that they exist can cause a rift between two people.
So, it’s essential to be on the lookout for our tendency to overthink, and to intentionally work to overcome it, every chance we get.
Below, we provide strategies that may help alleviate overthinking patterns in relationships.
Recognize Your Overthinking Patterns
The first step in overcoming overthinking is to recognize when we are doing it.
We must pay attention to our thoughts and emotions when we are in a relationship.
We must also guard against a tendency to obsess over certain things or jump to conclusions.
Is there a certain atmosphere or occasion that stimulates our insecurity?
Do we feel doubt and concern whenever our partner’s cell phone vibrates?
Perhaps it’s when they are away on business travel, or out with friends of their own?
Once we recognize patterns, we can start to take steps to change them.
Stop Overthinking Relationships by Staying Present
One of the most effective ways to stop overthinking is to stay present and focus on the moment.
When we find ourselves worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, it may help to take a deep breath and bring ourselves back to the present moment.
By focusing on the sights, sounds, and sensations around us we can begin to feel more grounded and calmer.
Communicate with Your Partner to Stop Overthinking Relationships
Communication is key in any relationship. If we find ourselves overthinking, it can be helpful to talk to our partner about our concerns.
It is essential to be honest and open about how we feel and to listen to their perspective.
After doing so, it will likely become easier to work together to come up with solutions to any problems that may arise.
Avoid Making Assumptions
Assumptions can be dangerous in any relationship.
When we make assumptions, we are essentially creating a story in our head that may not be true.
One way to stop overthinking in relationships is to not make assumptions about what our partner is thinking or feeling.
It seems basic, but often we shy away from asking these types of question.
If/when we wonder about what our partner is experiencing, we should simply ask them directly.
This will help avert misunderstandings and ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page.
It may also open the gateway for a more intimate and honest conversation.
Practice Self-Care
Overthinking can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
As you work to stop overthinking relationships, it’s important to take care of yourself and practice self-care.
This may include things like exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends and family.
When we feel good about ourselves, we are less likely to obsess over our relationships.
Overthinking Relationships
It’s important to our mental health and overall wellbeing to stop overthinking relationships.
Overthinking can lead to physical and mental health challenges and also create complications in our relationships.
By recognizing patterns, staying present, communicating, avoiding assumptions, and practicing self-care, we can all start to overcome this common problem.
Remember that relationships are a two-way street and require effort from both partners.
By taking these steps, we can all stop overthinking, build stronger, healthier relationships and live a more fulfilling life.
Thank you as always for reading.
Aren’t sure if you’re overthinking? Check out: Dangers of Overthinking: When to Worry.
Does it feel like something is missing in your relationship? Check out: Emotional Needs for Healthy Relationships.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
2 Responses
I experienced this in previous relationship when I was younger but I am so glad that this is no longer an issue and my husband and I communicate very well. If there is something said or done that does trigger these kind of feelings we ask each other about it right away — often finding it is a slight misunderstanding. Your advice for anyone who experiences this is really useful.
Molly, Thank you for your comment and for sharing your personal experience with all of us! Joan