What does intimacy mean to you? Though other thoughts often come to mind when we hear the word ‘intimacy’ what an intimate relationship is really all about is being able to be authentic with another person. To share our true selves without restraint.
Intimacy takes more than a willing partner.
Sometimes that can actually be the easy part.
Because experiencing true intimacy requires us to be vulnerable, honest and transparent about how we’re really feeling ourselves.
Many of us know this and know we should open up. Yet find it so hard to do.
Why Intimacy Is Important
Are You Open to Intimacy?
When asked how we’re doing, our answer is usually “Fine.” Synonyms for fine include excellent, first-rate, exceptional, magnificent, splendid, outstanding, prime and superb. When was the last time you actually felt “splendid”?
(Wouldn’t it be amazing if that was our go-to state of being?)
Granted, the greeting of “How are you?” has become the equivalent of “Hello”, and so we often reply without much elaboration. But the truth is, when opportunities for a deeper conversation present, we seldom take advantage of them. In fact, most of us don’t have many people who we feel comfortable having an open, honest conversation with. Sadly, we keep powerful thoughts, feelings, and emotions locked up inside – for a narrow-minded audience of one.
Why Does Intimacy Matter?
Among other things, lack of intimate, honest relationships fuels the fire of exaggerated comparisons to others.
Since we rarely allow ourselves to share fears, troubles, short-comings, and disappointments, it’s easy to believe that those around us are, truly, doing “fine”.
This is unfortunate.
And today’s social media frenzy can make it appear that we’re the only ones with uneventful lives. The two combined can create misconceptions about the quality of life everyone else is experiencing.
The skewed impression we get from other people’s “life highlight reel” is that they are all successful, having a great time, and looking better than ever.
But the truth is, most of us are struggling, in one way or another.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and having more intimate, open conversations could shine a light on other’s true circumstances.
It could also help us avoid the pitfalls of uninformed comparisons. These pitfalls can make us feel poorly and feed our tendency to judge others too harshly.
In short, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and transparent helps us to become more compassionate and kinder, both to others and to ourselves.
But allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is challenging and takes courage.
Ask Yourself These Questions
When was the last time you were truly open and authentic in a conversation? Next time you have the opportunity to take this risk, try to do so.
Let’s consciously seek out people who make us feel safe and who we can have intimate discussions with. Let’s make more time for them.
Because they deserve more of us.
Please comment and share what intimacy in relationships looks and feels like in your life.
We all deserve the support and love sincere, healthy relationships can provide; we are all so much more than enough.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
One Response
Your definition of intimacy reminds me that I’ve rarely allowed myself to be fully vulnerable or emotionally authentic in relationships and it’s probably one of the major causes for the demise of the last one I was in. I had a text conversation with a friend last night and he confided that he was feeling emotionally unstable. It took me a few minutes to let that sink in. I wasn’t about to let him get stabilized in a psych ward because stability happens the HARD WAY there. He said he was feeling scared, which was foreign to him, and it made him feel disgusted. I told him that he’s under no obligation to agree with his thoughts and that got him moving on a different trajectory, past the difficulty and fear. Beautiful post, Joan.
Mackenzie