Your read that correctly. I propose we stomp out preaching the Golden Rule, once and for all. We all know it: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Well, from my perspective (and I reckon for many other people), that’s definitely not a road to happiness. If the people around me treated me the way they want to be treated – and vice versa – well, let’s just put it this way – all of us would be quite discontent.
The Fallacy of The Golden Rule
The Golden Rule would have us believe that we should treat others the way we wish to be treated. But this isn’t always the way to someone’s heart. In fact, it rarely is. We’re all unique and have our own experiences and preferences. It’s challenging to know the best way to treat others, but one thing is for sure, doing what we would want isn’t necessarily the ticket! What we may find wonderful, others may find mortifying.
Years ago, in a leadership class one of my instructors surprised me by suggesting that we put The Golden Rule out of our heads as managers and leaders.
She suggested we replace The Golden Rule with something she called “The Platinum Rule” – which is, treat others the way they wish to be treated.
Why The Platinum Rule Is Better
Over the years, I’ve had many occasions to remember that advice.
Some folks like the spotlight. Others appreciate private praise. Some people are motivated by money. Others prefer consideration or appreciation. Some love big, effusive hugs. Others prefer a kind word. If I was practicing The Golden Rule I’d be going around giving big effusive hugs … to people who probably don’t want to receive them!
The Golden Rule, The Platinum Rule and “Love Languages”
I recently read a relevant book called the 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.
His book describes 5 essential “love languages”. One is the language of “words of affirmation”. Anothere is the language of “quality time”. A third is the language of “receiving gifts”, etc. The book helped me understand why I sometimes felt unappreciated and also why others in my life may feel that way, too.
Since reading the book, I think I understand better what to do to show others how much I love them.
Thankfully, Gary Chapman was thoughtful enough to write a version of the book directed especially to men, too (The Men’s Edition).
As with many things, it doesn’t take grand gestures –sometimes, it just takes a slight re-direction of energy.
Let’s Ditch the Golden Rule
So instead of the Golden Rule, let’s all try to live by the Platinum Rule.
With our friends, spouses, significant others, children, parents and co-workers, too. Give the gifts they would appreciate most.
Time, attention, patience, a token of affection, a helping hand or something else entirely.
They will thank you – and hopefully they will do it in your language!
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
4 Responses
I definitely need to read this! I feel like we are a lot alike!
I love this post! It’s definitely a good rule to keep in mind!
Kristin, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and commenting!
This is such great advice. We are all different after all.
I know many people who do not know what to do with a compliment, so I usually try to direct them a bit more indirectly for example.
Very interesting concept ^^ Sounds like a book I’d enjoy.