Relationships play a significant role in satisfying our needs for companionship, support, and human interaction. In this way, relationships, especially healthy ones, bolster both our physical and mental well-being. Unfortunately, relationships can also be a source of distress. Especially when our partner is unwilling or unable to satisfy our personal emotional relationships needs or unwilling to respect healthy boundaries. To understand if a relationship like this one can be saved, it helps to explore how to potentially overcome unmet emotional needs in your relationship through other means.
Identify Your Emotional Needs
The first step to overcome unmet emotional needs in our relationships is to identify and understand what those needs are.
Emotional needs are the things that make us feel loved, valued, and understood.
Though the degree to which we require each varies, many humans have a fundamental need for the same things.
The priority of these needs can differ from person to person, but our most common emotional needs include love and affection, respect, communication, support, trust, and intimacy.
To read more about each of these basic emotional needs, please check out: Emotional Needs for Healthy Relationships.
Communicate Emotional Needs
Once we have identified our emotional needs, the next step to overcome unmet emotional needs in our relationship is to communicate them to our partner.
Our partner can’t read our mind, just as we can’t read theirs. It’s important to have it be a routine element of our relationship to express our needs clearly and directly. And to listen to our partner when they do the same.
It’s best for all of us to avoid using passive-aggressive behavior, though it often comes very naturally to do so. These are hard topics to approach head on. And it’s easy to feel as though our partner should magically know what we need or want.
It helps to use “I” statements to express our emotions and needs, as often as possible, and to be specific about what we want.
Easier said than done, I know.
Respecting our own needs enough to voice them to our partner is not a behavior that comes naturally to most of us.
And if it’s a new thing in your relationship it may feel downright awkward to start doing it.
But taking that chance, that risk, letting ourselves be more vulnerable than usual – those are all the best and right things to do to promote intimacy in our relationships.
And that’s what meeting our emotional needs is really all about.
To make progress and to effectively overcome unmet emotional needs in our relationships, it’s important to get past this hurdle.
To learn more about how to identify and recognize our own needs, and how to honor them, check out: Self-Discovery Starts Here.
Be Open to Compromise
It is important to be open to compromise when dealing with unmet emotional needs in our relationships.
Our partner may not be able to meet all our needs all the time, and that’s okay, even to be expected.
But both partners need to be more than willing to work together to find a middle ground.
We must voice our needs and wants but at the same time be willing to listen to our partner’s perspective and be open to finding creative solutions.
We’re all human and it is challenging to discuss topics like this. Things are not always going to be fair and equal.
Sometimes one partner or another will feel as though they are giving too much, or not getting enough.
At times like these, it’s essential to assess the overall quality of the relationship and renew our commitment to it – or move on.
For more on this, check out: Relationship Give and Take.
Practice Self-Care
When our emotional needs are not met, it can be easy to fall into a cycle of self-pity and negativity.
However, focusing on our own needs and practicing self-care can help us feel more emotionally fulfilled and less dependent on our partner. It’s ideal for us to find the solutions and remedies within. To seek all the validation and approval we need, the comfort we need, the reassurance we need from ourselves. But we all know that is much easier said than done.
Nevertheless, taking the time for ourselves to do things that make us happy, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or practicing meditation, is always a good thing. And sometimes a good book or quiet reflection and a cup of tea is all it takes!
Consider Counseling
There are going to be times, however, when we can’t meet all our own needs, and our partner is struggling to show up in the ways we need them to do. If you’ve reached that point, it may be time to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor.
A counselor can help you identify your emotional needs, communicate effectively with your partner, and develop coping strategies to deal with emotional distress.
Counseling can also help you and your partner strengthen your relationship and build a stronger emotional connection.
How to Find a Good Relationship Counselor
If you decide to seek help from a professional relationship counselor, it’s important to choose a good one. However, finding a good relationship counselor can be challenging.
Here are some ideas about how to locate a relationship counselor who will be a good fit for you and your partner:
- Search for Certified and Experienced Counselors: Search for counselors who are certified and have extensive experience in dealing with relationship issues. You can check for certifications and experience on their websites, or you can ask them directly.
- Ask for Referrals: Another effective way to find a good relationship counselor is to ask for referrals from trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who have had successful experiences with a counselor. You can also ask your family doctor or healthcare provider for recommendations.
- Check for Compatibility: Schedule an initial consultation to see if you and your partner feel comfortable talking to them. During the consultation, you can also ask them about their approach to counseling and see if it aligns with your expectations.
- Research the Counselor’s Approach: It is important to research the counselor’s approach to counseling. Every counselor has a different approach, and it’s important to work with something whose approach aligns with your expectations and goals. You can check their website or ask them directly about their approach to counseling.
Choosing a good relationship counselor is an important decision, and it is essential to take the time to find the right one.
Remember that seeking help from a counselor is a brave step towards establishing and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
How to Overcome Unmet Emotional Needs in Your Relationship
Unmet emotional needs can be a source of emotional distress in relationships, but they can also be an opportunity for growth and connection. When we communicate clearly, work towards compromise and seek professional help as needed, we can make progress towards stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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