Scientists estimate that non-verbal communication (most of which is considered “body language”) may account for 65% or more of our total messaging. So, it is quite important to be able to interpret the signals we see others giving us, and also to understand the messages we may be sending.
All About Body Language
Body language can include everything from facial expressions to physical posture.
The way someone feels may show in their eyes, or stance, or even in the way they sit in a chair. The signals are subtle, but evident if we know what to look for. If we truly seek to understand another person, paying attention to their body language can help. Understanding body language can also help us to understand the signals we may be sending to others.
It’s also interesting to note that body language is somewhat universal, around the globe. Although we may not understand a language someone is speaking, we may often be able to get a sense of what they are feeling by watching their facial expressions. At the same time, it can sometimes be challenging to interpret body language because many of the signals we send and receive can be quite ambiguous.
The term “body language” is a bit misleading
Usually, when we think of language, we think in terms of conscious forms of communication. We learn other languages (for example, American Sign Language) for the explicit purpose of communicating with others who are fluent in that language. But body language is very different.
It’s true, we can deliberately shape our faces into a specific expression if we choose. And we can assume various postures or stances, purposefully, if we decide we want to appear a certain way. But genuine body language is unconscious. We don’t control it. Our natural body language can be described as our brain’s way of broadcasting what we truly feel. If you think about it, body language may actually be one of the easiest ways to gauge the underlying emotions of others. Especially others who we do not trust, or don’t know well.
All the more reason to understand Body Language a little better
Our eyes are one of the most expressive features on our face. Most of us quickly notice if someone makes eye contact with us. Eye contact inspires confidence and conveys sincerity. But intense eye contact makes us uncomfortable. If someone maintains eye contact too long or too directly, we may feel the need to look away – our bodies send the signal to our eyes that we need some space, and without us consciously doing a thing, we avert our eyes to break the stare.
When we do look away, it can be misinterpreted by others: looking away can signal we are not interested, or that we are being dishonest.
Our eyes also send other clues about how we’re feeling. If we blink too much, is can mean we are nervous or stressed; if we don’t blink often, it can mean we’re trying to mask our true feelings. Looking up and to the right may mean we’re lying; but looking up and to the left may mean we’re trying to remember something.
And that’s just some of what our eyes are saying!
Another facial feature that often gives us away is our mouth. Smiling and frowning are pretty basic, but there are subtle variations that can convey much more. For example, a sad frown vs. an angry scowl. Or a sincere smile (that reaches the eyes) vs. a fake one, where the lips are upturned, but the eyes remain cold.
Biting our lips can mean we are worried. Tightly closed lips can mean we’re displeased. And, perhaps most telling – a covered mouth. When someone covers their mouth while speaking, it can mean they are ashamed; but it can also mean that they are lying, or hiding their true feelings.
I think some of us are more intuitive about reading other’s body language.
We innately know what someone feels by the way they move their eyes or the way the direction they are looking. Now imagine that same person is speaking words that indicate the exact opposite of their body language. Is it any wonder we’re confused by each other so often?
How Learning More About Body Language Can Help
Learning more about body language may help to clear up some of the confusion. It can help us read other people’s feelings better, which in turn will help improve communication and relationships. Because we all want to be understood – but may not be brave enough to say what we are truly feeling.
One way to gauge how another person feels is to pay attention to how much they mimic your body language. For example, if you’re in a meeting or on a date with someone, rest your arm on the table. Wait. Does the other person rest their arm on the table too? That’s a good sign – they want your relationship to be a positive one.
Other Examples
Similarly, you can sometimes tell what’s going on in someone’s head by looking at their feet!
People tend to try to control their facial expressions, but are less conscious of what their feet are saying. So the way someone’s feet are placed can be illuminating. For example, if someone has their feet planted firmly, facing you, that’s a good sign – they probably like you. If they’re talking to you, but their feet are facing in another direction – not so good. They want to be talking to someone else!
Like our feet, our hands can also disclose secrets. Are your hands in your pockets? Maybe you’re nervous – or maybe you are hiding something. Are you holding something in your hand between us? Maybe you are feeling like you need protection or want to block me out. Holding your head up with one hand, leaning on an elbow – you’re probably trying to focus. But holding your head up with both hands? You’re probably bored!
This is all just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to body language.
It’s easy to see why understanding body language can be useful to us both in our personal and professional lives.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
4 Responses
Body language is really interesting, it can certainly tell you more than you think. It can definitely be important. | lanalikes.com
Great informative post. I never knew you could tell so much from body language alone
Interesting. I incorporate reading people’s body language in my line of work being a relationship coach. You can tell a lot by the person’s facial expressions and it helps for better feedback to the client. Thanks for posting.
Great post. Very interesting to read. I never knew before, it is possible to understand a lot through body language. But I have learned a lot through this post. Thanks for sharing your post.