September 11, 2001, was one of the most tragic and frightening days many of us have experienced. As the anniversary of that awful day approaches, we may benefit from advice about how to cope with what we are feeling. Whether we are conscious of the date or not, subconscious memories may be clouding our well-being. Somehow, our bodies just know. We may awaken with a difficult set of emotions on September 11, and the weeks and month leading up to that day. Be prepared for them. The condition that may be causing us to feel this way has a name: The Anniversary Effect.
Depending on how serious your trauma was that day, it may be very important to do what you can to mitigate those feelings in advance.
September 11 and the Anniversary Effect
We usually associate anniversaries with happy occasions. Wedding anniversaries are big. And of course, birthdays. We may observe the anniversary of less significant but meaningful events, too. The day we met our partner; the day we moved into a new home; the date we achieved a certain goal or milestone in our lives.
But there are also many days we would prefer to forget.
The day we lost someone close to us. A date when a serious accident or tragedy occurred. Everything from a natural disaster, to losing a job, a miscarriage, a physical or sexual attack, or a frightening health diagnosis can become anniversary triggers for us.
And anniversaries like these can affect us, whether or not we realize it.
Especially the anniversary of September 11.
It gives rise to whatever feelings we were coping with that day and in its aftermath. Panic. Anxiety. Loss. Grief. Terror.
How The Anniversary Effect Feels
Some of us experience the anniversary effect as grief or unexplained anxiety.
We may feel some other emotions mixed in depending on the nature of the event. Maybe we feel guilty because we survived a tragic accident, but we lost a friend? Or maybe the anniversary of a flood or earthquake makes us miss the home we lost? Unpleasant memories may surface; feelings of loss may become intensified.
We may have troubled dreams and may even relive physical or emotional pain.
When this happens, some of us may recognize the trigger of the anniversary effect: the anniversary date or season of a sad, frightening or tragic event.
September 11 impacted millions of people, all over the planet.
Many of us will be slightly or very off our game in the coming weeks and months.
September 11: The Anniversary Effect Can Impact Us Subconsciously
Sometimes, it’s our subconscious that makes the connection, and we are left feeling puzzled and confused.
Why are we feeling so badly?
In fact, scientists have proven that memories we have unintentionally blocked may still trigger the anniversary effect – even though we don’t have a conscious memory of the event that occurred. The brain is incredible.
For me, September and October are very difficult – as a result of September 11, but also a cluster of other troubling events.
I lost my father in September, and my mother, quite a few years later, in October. I also had other difficult experiences during these two months.
September 11, 2001
Among them, September 11, 2001.
I was living in Washington DC with family in New York City, working in health care, anticipating casualties and potential attacks on our facilities.
All the while, not knowing if my husband and children were safe.
I will never forget the aching in the pit of my stomach as we attempted to war-game the possible impact to our hospitals, our useless cell phones littering the floor.
Each of us not knowing if our spouses, children, brothers, sisters, parents were out of harm’s way. Wondering how bad the tragedy at the Pentagon was. Not knowing if our kids were sheltering in place or on buses being sent to empty homes.
It was the worst, most surreal and frightening day of my life.
Years later, I’ve realized that I may struggle more than usual as the temperatures drop and the leaves begin to change.
It has helped me cope with the sadness when it comes; but at times, it can nevertheless be difficult to bear.
But I’ve learned that I need to shore up my resources in advance of September, and in advance of September 11th, especially.
How to Cope with The Anniversary Effect
There are things we can do to help mitigate the anniversary effect of September 11th or any other event:
- It may help to identify milestones that may trigger an anniversary effect. We can help minimize the impact by giving ourselves extra kindness and self-compassion as those dates approach. It’s important to take it easy during these times of year.
- Sometimes, it’s enough just to put a name on what is happening. And to remind ourselves that it will pass. We must try not to get frustrated if we’re not at our best during this time frame. And if others are struggling, too. Countless people suffered trauma that day; and many of us have never appropriately processed that trauma.
- It can help to confide in those close to us. We can share fond memories of someone we lost; or talk through a day when we felt especially vulnerable or sad. If we don’t feel comfortable talking with others, writing out our feelings can help.
- We must take care to sleep enough, eat healthy, and be active. Anything that is good for depression will also help with The Anniversary Effect.
- If we lost someone, we could honor them. Visit a place they loved, or a cemetery, or perform volunteer activity that would be meaningful to the person we are grieving.
- It’s best to avoid major stresses during the times we find challenging, especially the dates around September 11. For example, if we can, we should postpone plans to look for a new home or job.
- If a support group helped us through our initial trauma, it may be helpful to seek them out again. Re-uniting with others who may be experiencing similar symptoms can be reassuring and comforting.
Looking Forward to Happy Anniversaries
I hope we all have more happy anniversaries than sad ones – but keep in mind the change of seasons can be a time that triggers the anniversary effect for many – for September 11 or for other tragic or sad happenings.
Hopefully, these suggestions may help you prepare for, recognize and cope with The Anniversary Effect on September 11, or any other day, as it arises.
If someone you love seems to be out of sorts, be extra patient and let them know you’re there if they need you.
In fact, let’s always try to pay special attention to how those around us are feeling and coping. And let’s promise to be there for one another.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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