It seems like common sense: friendships make us feel good, so they must be good for us, right? Our friends help us enjoy life by sharing fun experiences and providing companionship. Friends can also be a sounding board when we face challenges or need to make difficult decisions. At times, just having a trusted friend to share secrets with can boost our morale.
But committed friendships also bring many less obvious benefits to us. And some of those lesser-known benefits may be essential to our health.
Health Benefits of Friendships
Research has shown that when we spend time with friends our bodies may produce more progesterone, which helps to reduce anxiety and stress. Reduced stress has a large collection of downstream benefits, including lower risk of heart diseases, stroke, and many other ailments.
There is also a correlation between maintaining friendships and a lower prevalence of obesity and depression.
So, when we are looking to shed a few pounds, or improve our mental health, investing energy in our friendships or devoting time to making new friends may be just the ticket.
But the benefits to friendships don’t end with our health. It turns out, women who have supportive relationships with other women are more likely to reach leadership positions, so, making friends and maintaining friendships is also good for our careers.
Why Friendships Have Positive Side Effects
Why would our bodies “reward” us for having friends and maintaining friendships? And why would having friends result in other benefits, such as being more successful?
The evolutionary theory behind the importance of friendships is interesting.
Scientists believe that in prehistoric times, having a companion who would risk their life for us increased the likelihood of our own survival. And friendships are the major way we build bonds with people outside our family. Strangers are less likely to put themselves at risk for our benefit, so just being around others doesn’t cut it. That puts friendships in a whole different light, doesn’t it?
So, how are we doing, today, in this practice of making friends and maintaining friendships?
Friendships Today
Not so well. In fact, one study I read stated that the number of Americans who said they have no close friends almost tripled over the last 10 years. According to another, one in five millennials say they often feel lonely and have no close friends. Another recent survey asked participants how many individuals they trust to discuss important decisions. The most prevalent answer was zero. Yet another recent study concluded that the average American hasn’t made a new friend in at least five years!
This information, as sad as it is, truly hit home with me.
Do You Have Close Friends?
Maybe it’s just where I live or the environment where I work; but I don’t have many intimate friendships. And I don’t see many happening in the lives of people around me, either.
There’s no question, friendships were more prevalent and prominent in my life when I was younger. But is the change I’ve been experiencing just related to aging? Or are changes in our society also making it harder to make friends?
Friendships Are Not Just for the Young – Or Are They?
When I was a student, college graduate, and throughout the years when I had young children and teenagers, there was no shortage of opportunities to meet people I had much in common with. And we bonded, naturally.
Parent/teacher events, sports practices, child-care centers, play-dates, and then later, college prep meetings, university tours and SAT drop-offs provided ample occasions to meet and bond with other moms and dads.
We were facing the same challenges, making the same decisions. There was a natural camaraderie and almost an esprit de corps about it.
But now with the children grown, the chances to establish new friendships are less frequent.
Why It Has Become More Difficult To Make Friends
As we age, it often takes more energy, initiative and creativity to seek out others with whom we share a common interest.
But these days, it seems like it’s harder for most of us, regardless of our generation, to make friends.
And during the last few years, with COVID restrictions keeping us more house bound it’s become more difficult than ever.
The Impact of Technology on Friendships
Even before that, technology was beginning to quietly insulate us more. Keeping us at our desks more and less often out and about.
In fact, much of the technology meant to bring us closer together often can erode intimacy in the relationships we already have, and make it harder to establish intimacy in new relationships as well.
Though we’re able to “connect” with more people than ever, all the time we spend behind keyboards and screens does nothing to build the kind of bond that thrives when we spend time face to face, or in physical proximity to one another.
We are certainly less likely to risk our lives for an on-line acquaintance than for a neighbor or classmate, or bus-stop buddy!
Many Benefits of Friendships
So having friendships is important: not just to our emotional health, but also to our physical well-being. It gets more difficult as we get older, because we have to be intentional about it. And technology may or may not be our friend (no pun intended) in our efforts to bond with others.
So maybe we need to make this friend-finding thing a priority.
It may be difficult to get started, especially if we are out of practice.
How To Find Friends and Maintain Friendships
If you’re stumped about how to build new friendships, here are some suggestions to get you thinking:
- Volunteer: For this to work well, we must choose an organization with a cause that means something to us. That way, we’re more likely to meet people that share our passions.
- Form a book club: Maybe pick a theme of books that will bring together others who share an interest. I’ve thought it would be awesome to start a “cookbook” club – to meet others who love to cook and who have cook book or recipe suggestions. Is there a topic that inspires you? Biographies? Historical fiction?
- Church: When my kids were young, we spent more time at our church. I’ve been thinking it’s time to renew that commitment. This is a sure-fire way to find people with a shared value system.
- Community College: I was pre-med in college, so almost all of my classes were math and science. I’d love to learn about art, or architecture, or maybe take a foreign language. How about you?
- An outing club: Do you love to hike? Rock-climb? Bike ride? Technology has made it easier to find a group who share your interests. Meet up groups can make it easy to plan outings, and meet folks face to face.
Do You Have Friends You Can Count On?
Are you satisfied with the number of friends you have? Are you happy with the quality of those friendships? If not – what do you plan to do about it?
Share your ideas with the rest of us – apparently our lives may depend on it!
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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