At a time when social calendars seem as packed as rush-hour subway cars, bowing out can seem almost rebellious. But there are those among us who prefer solitude or more intimate spaces to the noise and chaos of social events.
This is not due to antisocial tendencies but out of an understanding of what it takes to truly enjoy ourselves and those close to us.
For those of us who feel this way, making decisions not to attend social events is an art form characterized by both polite refusals and silent pursuit of individual fulfillment.
The Quest for Quiet
Modern life can be filled with noise. From notifications, chatter and stimuli to the constant din of social gatherings – opting out can provide much-needed silence in our busy lives.
Retreating alone provides opportunities to recharge in silence while more intimate settings may foster creativity or self-understanding for true self-discovery.
The Intimate Gathering Connoisseur
There is a group of people who find comfort and fulfillment in smaller social settings, where conversations move beyond superficialities into meaningful discussions.
Unfortunately, in larger social settings these nuanced exchanges often get lost amongst the din – leading some of us to prefer smaller, more personal gatherings over large-scale ones.
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Although there may be fear of missing out (FOMO), those who prefer smaller groups have learned that sometimes taking no part can actually yield greater gains than participating fully.
Digital Detoxification
Ironically, the digital age, with its promise of connectivity, has also given birth to an appetite for disconnection.
Social media depicts an event as a must-attend spectacle, but these occasions often fall short.
For those attempting to disconnect, refusing events is also an attempt at resisting digital disillusionment.
Selecting authentic experiences over contrived ones as they pursue quietness over technology’s ever-increasing presence in their lives.
Navigating Social Anxiety
Within this complex dance of social interactions lies another factor prompting some of us to avoid large gatherings: social anxiety.
Anxiety Disorder (AD) is more than feeling awkward or self-conscious in social situations, it’s an overwhelming fear that can take over every aspect of our lives, rendering the prospect of mixing with others emotionally exhausting.
Those of us who struggle with social anxiety may prefer solitude or small, familiar groups in order to alleviate overwhelming anxiety.
Such actions should not be seen as rejection of others but as necessary strategies for managing overwhelming distress.
When we are stressed, we find respite in controlled environments, where anxiety doesn’t dictate the pace of interaction.
And we can engage with people on our own terms without feeling anxious or overwhelmed by others’ reactions.
A qualified anxiety therapist can assist in developing strategies to navigate social interactions successfully and reduce distress caused by this condition.
Social No-Shows Are a Choice
Time is a finite resource, and how we choose to spend it reflects our priorities.
For creative types, those with demanding jobs or families, or those with multiple side hustles, social events may sometimes feel like an interruption from more fulfilling or rewarding pursuits.
Opting not to attend social events is no indicator of social inadequacy but instead an affirmation of individual autonomy.
Rejecting certain social obligations embodied by formal events speaks volumes about one’s personal choices for quality over quantity, meaningful interactions over-crowded assemblies, personal growth over social gratification.
Reflection can and perhaps should always take priority over communal experience in our lives.
Declining with grace when we prefer to do so is the healthy thing to do. When we do choose companionship, it should resonate deeply within our spirits and souls.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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