Privacy and Secrecy: How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy
Our personal and professional lives continue to become increasingly exposed by technology and social media, and as a result, the concepts of privacy and secrecy have become more complex and significant than ever before.
While privacy is a fundamental right that empowers us to control our personal information and boundaries, secrecy can breed distrust, isolation, and unhealthy dynamics in relationships and professional settings.
Understanding the distinction between these two concepts is essential for navigating the digital age and for developing healthy relationships at work and at home with confidence and awareness.
Today, we discuss the nuances of privacy and secrecy, including the ill effects of secrecy in relationships, strategies to preserve privacy and more.
The Definitions of Privacy and Secrecy
Understanding the nuanced distinctions between privacy and secrecy is essential for fostering healthy communication, trust, and respect in all aspects of life.
Let’s start with the definitions of privacy and secrecy.
What is Privacy?
Privacy is a fundamental right that encompasses our ability to control the accessibility and visibility of our personal information, activities, and choices. It serves as a protective barrier that grants us the autonomy to dictate what, how, and with whom we share aspects of our lives.
In essence, privacy empowers us to set boundaries, safeguard confidential details, and maintain a sense of personal autonomy and dignity. It encompasses physical privacy, such as personal space and territorial boundaries, as well as informational privacy, which involves controlling the dissemination of personal data in various contexts, including online platforms, workplaces, and healthcare settings.
The Definition of Secrecy
On the other hand, secrecy involves the deliberate withholding of information, actions, or experiences from others. Unlike privacy, which is rooted in autonomy and personal control, secrecy often implies a level of concealment that can lead to mistrust, misunderstanding, and emotional distance in relationships.
While privacy is a safeguard for personal autonomy and well-being, secrecy can be a double-edged sword, harboring the potential for fostering unhealthy power dynamics, fostering distrust, and inhibiting authentic communication.
Secrecy may manifest in various forms, such as keeping secrets in personal relationships, concealing information in professional settings, or engaging in clandestine activities that may have broad-reaching consequences.
The Significance of Privacy: Nurturing Autonomy and Trust
Privacy forms the cornerstone of healthy relationships, empowering individuals to define their personal boundaries, maintain a sense of autonomy, and foster trust and respect. In the digital age, where personal information is increasingly vulnerable to breaches and exploitation, the preservation of privacy becomes even more critical.
Respect for privacy cultivates an environment where we are free to express ourselves, make informed choices, and engage in open and transparent dialogue without fear of judgment or interference.
The Perils of Secrecy: Unraveling Trust and Connection
While privacy upholds individual autonomy and personal boundaries, the pervasiveness of secrecy can erode trust, impede authentic communication, and strain interpersonal relationships.
Research has shown that secrecy within relationships can lead to feelings of isolation, emotional distance, and unaddressed issues that may fester and create long-term rifts.
According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, those who perceive their partners to be secretive experience higher levels of mistrust and lower relationship satisfaction, highlighting the detrimental impact of secrecy on intimate connections.
How to Tell the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy
How do we get the privacy we require without “keeping secrets”? A few observations:
- It is essential to keep the key differences between privacy and secrecy in mind at all times.
- Secrecy can be devastating to both personal and professional relationships.
- Respect of personal privacy is essential to all healthy relationships.
- One major reason privacy is so important is that it helps enable us to maintain our own personal identity in a relationship.
7 Ways Privacy and Secrecy Differ
1. Privacy is a right; secrecy is not.
We’re each entitled to our own privacy. What we consider private will differ among us. Some of us prefer to dress in private. Others do not have any issue with doing it out in the open. And we’re each entitled to privacy when tending to personal hygiene, if we want it.
We are not, however, entitled to keep secrets that may harm another person if they were to find out about them. Secrecy is often driven by shame and fear. Privacy is often needed to create and maintain healthy boundaries.
2. Privacy and Secrecy Differ: Secrecy undermines relationships; privacy enhances them.
Keeping secrets of almost any kind undermines trust. There’s the rare exception. For example, when we buy a gift, or plan a surprise party for someone. These are harmless secrets about acts intended to ultimately please another.
But most secrets will cause harm if they are discovered. For example, a common topic where people keep secrets is the area of personal finance. This behavior is often driven by “money shame”, whether it be rooted in credit card debt or purchases we regret.
But keeping secrets about money (regardless of the reason) can badly undermine a relationship with our spouse or significant other.
As opposed to secrecy, privacy actually enhances our personal relationships. When we have no private life, we can easily lose our identity and individuality. And our individuality is what makes us a complement to another person as opposed to being an extension of them.
3. A lack of privacy makes us uncomfortable; a lack of secrecy sets us free.
If we think of the terms we use to describe our need for privacy, it is clear privacy is a basic human need. For example, we say we “feel as though our privacy is invaded.” We each exist independently. When we are deprived of privacy for too long, we may begin to feel as though we’re under attack.
A lack of secrecy, on the other hand, is freeing and pleasant. Without any secrets, we can more readily allow ourselves to be open, honest, and transparent without fear.
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4. Privacy and Secrecy Differ: Privacy establishes healthy boundaries; secrecy builds walls.
Recognizing another person’s right to privacy demonstrates respect. It also communicates trust. Both of these things help nurture a relationship while preserving our own identity. Violating a significant other’s right to privacy can be a sign of unhealthy boundaries and an overly controlling partner.
Secrecy undermines trust. If we have a secret, it often shows in our demeanor and behaviors. When our partners don’t know what secret we are keeping, it undermines trust throughout the relationship. Also, when we have secrets, we may become defensive and unconsciously build walls around us.
5. Privacy and Secrecy Differ: Secrecy generally has an unhealthy motive; wanting privacy does not.
If we are keeping a secret, it is often due to either shame or fear. We’re afraid what will happen if it is divulged. Wanting privacy has no unhealthy motive; it is simply a normal human need.
6. Secrets lead to increased stress; privacy can be a stress reliever.
When we keep secrets, we are always on guard. We have to be careful about what we say and do to avoid divulging information that we believe will cause us harm.
The phrase “enjoying our privacy” says it all. Having time to ourselves can be incredibly therapeutic. Enjoying a hobby of our own is beneficial too. Writing in a journal or just being alone with our own thoughts also offers great benefits, too.
7. Privacy and Secrecy Differ: Secrets, if discovered, may result in a negative consequence for another person.
For example, withholding information about financial issues or having an inappropriate relationship outside of our marriage would hurt our spouse. However, we are each entitled to privacy about physical matters or harmless thoughts and fantasies – they do not pose a threat to anyone.
Privacy and Secrecy Summary
Finding a balance between being transparent, open and honest, while preserving our right to personal privacy, can be tricky but is essential to healthy relationships. So, recognizing the difference between privacy and secrecy is critical.
Armed with a clearer understanding of privacy and secrecy, we can navigate personal and professional relationships with greater awareness, empathy, and respect for boundaries. By fostering a culture that celebrates the autonomy of each person and prioritizes open communication, we can create environments where privacy is honored, secrecy is dispelled, and meaningful connections thrive.
So, let’s agree to give each other the privacy we deserve while avoiding secrets that may cause another harm. Let’s reflect on our own personal relationships, too.
Are there secrets we are keeping that we should set free? Are we giving those we love the privacy they are entitled to enjoy? If not, it may be worth checking this out: How to Know If You Have Trust Issues.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of Kindness-Compassion-and-Coaching.com. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. She is a certified Neuroscience Coach, member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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