Do you tend to be cynical about other people? Is it difficult for you to form friendships or enter into romantic relationships? When you do, do you often feel jealous or suspicious? Do you distrust your parents or family? There’s a word for feelings of intense mistrust, or prevalent ‘trust issues’, especially in the context of romantic relationships. The condition is called pistanthrophobia.
What Is Pistanthrophobia?
Pistanthrophobia is the name of the condition characterized by having extreme trust issues. It occurs most often in romantic relationships. Individuals who experience this phobia do not trust potential love interests or friends even though they have no valid reasons to distrust the person in question. This happens when people have learned, from past experience, to be wary.
Sometimes this condition may arise because someone had an exceptionally bad break up or because they were abused in a past relationship.
Of course, we should all be prudent, to a certain degree, when getting to know new people. But people who suffer from pistanthrophobia are not merely cautious. They are actually unable to trust others, regardless of circumstances. Their fear of being betrayed is so intense and persistent that it can sabotage a relationship before it even has a chance to begin. It can be helpful to understand the root causes of a person’s pistanthrophobia, however, understanding the cause is rarely enough to dispel the condition.
Symptoms of Pistanthrophobia
People who experience pistanthrophobia do not have justification or a rationale for their fear.
They experience trust issues so extreme that it brings on heightened stress, even to the point of panic attacks.
The fear that these people experience is irrational.
They have no clear reason to be afraid, to mistrust, or to expect to be harmed.
Imagine feeling that way around a person you have just met, for no apparent reason.
It must be terrifying in so many different ways.
To not understand why your body is rushing with adrenalin, telling you to fight or flee, and to not know whether there is a true threat in the vicinity.
To not be able to trust your own instincts, in any interpersonal relationships. Always expecting the worst, inferring potential harm or risk from neutral signals.
When people with pistanthrophobia attempt to enter relationships, the relationships are often dysfunctional, given their inability to trust their partner.
They may often act jealous, possessive, suspicious, and needy.
They may require constant reassurance from a prospective partner, that they are liked, that they are good enough.
Often, they will spy on their partners, too – monitoring texts, phone calls, and emails, because they suspect their partners are cheating on them or being dishonest in some other way.
Not surprisingly, those who experience pistanthrophobia may be prone to anxiety or depression.
They may also be lonely and have difficulty with intimacy of any kind.
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The Root Causes
As mentioned above, understanding the cause of trust issues may help those affected to recover. For example (much like with other phobias), repeated exposure to people who may trigger the feelings of distrust may ultimately help someone overcome the phobia.
The reasons for developing such a phobia may deeply rooted, however, so it may be difficult to identify the root cause of these fears.
Childhood trauma, especially unresolved trauma, including unexpected tragedy in what was thought to be a safe relationship and environment can lead to an adult who demonstrates pistanthrophobic behaviors.
These types of traumatic circumstances can create a mindset of hopelessness and fearfulness that continues throughout a victim’s life.
Find Workbooks and Resources to Help You Rebuild Trust in Your Relationships
Strategies that May Help You Overcome Pistanthrophobia
There are strategies that may help you or a loved one overcome pistanthrophobia.
Here are some basic steps to get you started:
- As with most challenges, the first step in overcoming pistanthrophobia is acknowledging and accepting its presence in your life. Understand that your fear is real, and it may be rooted in past experiences that have shaped your current mindset. By recognizing this fear, you can embark on a journey of self-reflection and personal growth.
- Explore the Source of Your Fear: Take the time to reflect on the experiences or events that may have contributed to your fear of trust. Understand that these experiences do not define your future relationships nor your ability to trust.
- Challenge Negative Beliefs: Pistanthrophobia often stems from negative beliefs about trust, such as “everyone will hurt me” or “I am not worthy of love and loyalty.” Challenge these beliefs by recognizing that not everyone is the same and that you deserve healthy, trusting relationships. Engage in positive self-talk and replace negative thoughts with affirmations that promote trust and self-confidence.
- Practice Open Communication: Healthy communication is integral to building trust in relationships. Express your fears and concerns to your partner, friends, or family members who have demonstrated understanding and support. Opening up about your pistanthrophobia can help them understand your perspective and provide reassurance as you navigate through this journey together.
- Start with Small Steps: Rebuilding trust can feel overwhelming, so start small. Begin by opening up to someone you feel relatively comfortable with, such as a close friend or family member. Gradually increase the level of sharing as you build confidence and witness positive experiences. Celebrate even the smallest successes along the way—it’s a journey of progress, not perfection.
It’s Essential to Take Care of Yourself as You Work to Overcome Pistanthrophobia
There are simple actions we can all take to help maintain our own peace and resilience. Two basic suggestions:
- Cultivate healthy mantras and repeat them to yourself often. “I am worthy of healthy relationships”. I have friends who I can count on.” “I’m a good person and I deserve love and affection.”
- Create a routine that minimizes disruptions to your day. Settling into a routine of healthy activities, regular sleep habits, and a consistent waking type can all help support you as you work to overcome your fears.
- Surrounding yourself with supportive and caring people is essential as you work through any challenge. Building a support system can be especially difficult for those who experience pistanthrophobia, for obvious reasons. Do the best you can to cultivate a network of friends, family, or a support group who can provide empathy, understanding, and encouragement throughout your healing process. Connecting with others who prioritize trust and healthy relationships can have a profound impact on your own journey.
When You’re Ready for Next Steps
When you feel confident to take more significant action, the following are potential options to gently ease you into more engagement and intimacy with others.
- Work on establishing a low-risk relationship. For example, adopt a pet. Pets are a wonderful source of unconditional love, and can help to soothe us, in addition to providing companionship.
- Make plans for the future. Even if they don’t involve another person, building trust in the future and planning for future events can help shift your mindset away from fear.
- When you feel ready, begin to share small bits of personal information with other people. See what happens. Make a conscious effort to incorporate what you learn from these experiences into your mindset.
Seek Professional Guidance to Overcome Pistanthrophobia
As you seek to resolve your trust issues, supplement your own personal efforts with professional counseling or therapy. All of us need a strong support system to meet and overcome our mental and physical health challenges.
Consider seeking support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who specializes in trauma, trust issues, or relationship dynamics.
They can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and guidance tailored to your specific needs.
Therapy can be an empowering tool that helps you address underlying issues and develop healthier relationship patterns.
How To Overcome Pistanthrophobia
Overcoming pistanthrophobia is challenging but possible.
Healing takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself.
Embrace the possibilities of genuine connection and the beauty that trust can bring into your life.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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