We’re all naturally inclined to develop habits. And we can tap into this natural tendency to help us to be kind to ourselves. Since we need to be kind to ourselves to be genuinely kind to others, this is pretty important to take advantage of. Here’s how to use habits to overcome negative self-talk today.
How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
Yes, that’s right. To be truly kind to ourselves we must first overcome that beast of a behavior: “negative self-talk”.
That voice in your head.
You drop a jar, and the voice says, “You are so clumsy”.
As you pass a mirror, the voice says, “You look terrible today”.
You forget a birthday and the voice says, “You are such a terrible friend.”
The bad news is that the habit of negative self-talk is destructive and pervasive.
The good news is that it is a habit – and habits can be broken.
The Psychology of Habits
The psychological basis of how habits work is interesting, if you’re into that.
But you don’t need to understand the science to make the power of habit work for you.
Many smart scientists, psychologists, sociologists, and coaches have come to the same conclusion: changing our habits is the most effective means to change how we perform, how we feel, and how happy we are.
Organizations like Proctor & Gamble, the National Football League and even the United States Army have figured it out.
So, let’s accept this too: habits are important, they are key to success, and they can be changed.
Recognize Your “Cues” to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
Habits are driven by cues.
So, the next time you hear that negative voice in your head, stop – and identify the cue that set it off.
Did you forget something on your shopping list?
Swear like a sailor? Screw up a recipe? Drive like a crazy woman? Say something you wish you could take back?
Knowing your cues is the first step.
Change Your Response
The second part is critical.
As cues arise, and as that negative voice begins to chime in, stop it in its tracks.
Replace the derogatory comment with something uplifting, hilarious, or inspirational.
How you do it is up to you. Choose a phrase that can be your new mantra or challenge yourself to come up with something more outrageous each time it happens.
“Am I a Goddess or What?” or “My Closets are the Envy of All Who Know Me” works for me. Whatever your gift is – state it in that moment.
Think in ALL CAPS and in BOLD!
And if you can, find a mirror to smile into, all the way up to your eyes.
Each time you do it, you’ll be one step closer to beating that negative voice into submission — because you will have formed a new habit.
Let’s Overcome Negative Self-Talk Together
There’s another thing that can help us all do better at this.
Scientists have proven that we’re more likely to stick with a habit if we do it as part of a group.
How about we all work on this together? Give me a “Heck, ya!” or some other comment or retweet or something so I know you’re on board!
Our following is over 36,000 strong now! Imagine how much we can change the world – together!
New habits take time to stick – most think 21 days is the magic number.
Let’s all commit to come up with the most adorable, in-your-face, ridiculous, endearing, positive self-talk mantras we can during the next few weeks.
And let’s commit to accepting that we’re beautiful, unique and worthy, even if we do have a few flaws we can’t deny.
Then let’s check in and see how much happier we are.
Are you with me?
Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Join the Positive Self-Talk Movement
After your mantra, and your smile, remind yourself: You are so much more than good enough. Have fun with this.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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10 Responses
So true. I have learned so much about how the words I say to myself have a lot of power. Great read!! So many young girls would benefit from this.
You hit the mark on this! Breaking the habit is hard work but we can get there. One positive step at a time. Great read
Thanks so much Kathleen! I’m glad you enjoyed this post.
I definitely have the gut reaction to criticize myself when something doesn’t go the way I envision in my head. It’s definitely a great idea to form a pact with others to work on changing those instincts from self-directed negativity to outward positivity!
Exactly what I needed to read this morning! This is something we’re all guilty of and your post is really helpful xx
Useful post for all – I’m a great believer in Louise Haye already (positive affirmations) but it’s good to have a reminder that 21 days are enough to form new habits!
Great Post Joan! It does take a little bit of time to make new habits. I’m in! I need to find my Mantra for August.
Give self-pep talks. Affirm in a mirror that you’re good enough. Recite your positive qualities. Support YOU as you do others. When nervous, repeat, “You can do it” until you calm down.
I have been trying to be positive since long time. One cannot be a positive thinker over night. Amazing article.
Recognising our cues and what triggers the negative self-talk is so important! Being mindful and aware is definitely the first step towards improving our habits.