Learned helplessness is a psychological concept that refers to a state where people feel unable to change their circumstances, even when opportunities for change exist. In the context of relationships, learned helplessness can lead to feelings of powerlessness, resentment, and a lack of motivation to improve the relationship.
Learned helplessness can doom a relationship.
But no matter how ingrained this feeling is, there are ways to potentially overcome it.
How to Overcome Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness develops when a partner in a relationship repeatedly faces negative situations or experiences that they perceive as uncontrollable.
Over time, they start to believe that their actions have no influence over the outcome, leading to a sense of helplessness.
In relationships, this often occurs when one partner consistently dominates decision-making, disregards the other’s opinions, or fails to address their needs.
The Effects of Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness can have detrimental effects on relationships.
The partner who feels helpless may become passive, lacking motivation to contribute to the relationship or initiate positive changes.
Resentment can build up, leading to a breakdown in communication and emotional disconnection.
Over time, the relationship may become stagnant or even toxic.
Overcoming Learned Helplessness in Relationships
We must break the cycle of learned helplessness for both partners to thrive in a relationship.
This will not come naturally, so be prepared. It is called learned helplessness because it reflects a learned behavior which we must effectively unlearn in order to break free and move ahead.
It is entirely possible that any measures taken will not be successful, but if the relationship is worth saving, it is worth trying – hard.
Here are 6 strategies that may help:
- Recognize the patterns: Identify situations or behaviors that contribute to feelings of helplessness. Awareness is the first step towards change.
- Communicate openly: Express your feelings and concerns to your partner. Effective communication is essential for addressing issues and finding solutions together.
- Share responsibilities: Encourage equal participation in decision-making and problem-solving. Each partner should have a voice and actively contribute to the relationship.
- Set boundaries: Define and communicate your personal boundaries. It’s important to establish what is acceptable and what is not within the relationship.
- Seek professional help: If learned helplessness persists or if the relationship continues to deteriorate, consider seeking guidance from a relationship counselor or therapist. They can provide valuable insights and tools to overcome challenges.
Learned helplessness can be a significant obstacle in relationships, hindering growth and happiness.
Using the strategies above may help open communication with your partner.
It’s important to remember that your feelings, priorities, and opinions matter as much as your partner’s.
If you are not experiencing the respect and tolerance you deserve, it may be time to move on.
Give these strategies a try and hope for the best. Keep in mind seeking professional help may be required in order for a true breakthrough to occur.
There may also be a connection between learned helplessness and codependency in your relationships.
To learn more, check out:
12 Signs of a Codependent Relationship
Common Causes of Codependent Relationships
How to Heal a Codependent Relationship
If you believe there may other issues brewing in your relationship, see also:
Understanding the Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. Joan has had the privilege of mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. She is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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