How Strong is Your Support System? Why You Need to Know
In times of trouble, a robust support system includes all the necessary components to act as a safety net that holds things together in your life until you’re able to do it again yourself. For these reasons, a solid, comprehensive network is key to mental health, boosts resilience and helps you to maintain healthy well-being, too. But the strength of your support system is not always readily evident.
In fact, sometimes, people who you think of as support may actually be detrimental to your mental or emotional well-being.
How strong is your support system? Do you know? Let’s find out. Today’s article will cover the components of a support system and why it’s essential to have one. We’ll also discuss how to map your network, check relationship quality, spot gaps, and grow stronger bonds.
Why It’s Important to Evaluate Your Support System
When you lack an adequate support system, stress can rise. Even when life is going well, you know in your heart that you don’t have the backup needed to provide security. It’s a bad feeling. Fearing that you’re one bad decision or bout of bad luck away from things starting to fall apart.
Anxiety may spike and you may begin to fear change or unexpected challenges. Assessing your support system is an act of self-care and self-love that will help you identify areas for improvement. This process will also help you identify proactive steps to take to nurture and strengthen your vital connections.
Your Existing Support Network
Building a support system is about much more than having friends. It’s about having people in your life that you can count on who can provide you the kind of real help you need. This can mean emotional backing, practical aid, expert advice, or useful information.
Or it can be about something entirely different that you need in a specific challenging situation. Think beyond family, neighbors, and buddies. Mentors, workmates, community groups, a caring physician or therapist, a priest or other religious figure, a financial or wealth advisor, an attorney or accountant: all of these types of people can be part of your support system.
A comprehensive support system gives you what you need when you need it, and it includes people who give you emotional, practical, or informational help. Without any adverse consequences, without any guilt, and without any strings attached.
Discover The Depth of Your Support System
“Support” can mean many things. It’s not just about someone who can watch the kids if you need to work late, or someone who would take care of your mail if you were out of town for a while. Those are two examples of practical support that we all need from time to time. But there are many other forms of support that can be much more essential and valuable to our well-being.
For example, we all need to know we have someone we can confide in when we’re troubled or hurting. We need to know we have others we can go to when we need advice, feel confused, or to help us work things through when conflicts arise. Someone who will help us consider our options and choices without judging us.
That’s what emotional support looks like.
Consider these questions as you work to identify your more extended support system:
- Who do you feel safe with?
- Which people know best how to comfort you?
- Who brings out the best in you?
- Are there people who love you unconditionally?
- Who treats you with respect and caring?
- Of your friends and family, who is the best listener?
- Who respects your boundaries?
- Are there people who have consistently showed up for you in the past?
- Who is truly invested in your happiness?
- Who is the best person to help you feel better when you are down or discouraged?
How to Map Out Your Support System
Now, map out your network. Sort all of the names you have come up with into groups. Family goes in one. Friends in another. Have one for work colleagues. Another for professional advisory services. And maybe one for community groups.
Now, think about the type of help each person can provide you, if needed. Who gives great advice? Who is always there to listen? Are there blatant gaps that you can already see?
Evaluate the Quality of Your Support System
Not all relationships are created equal. In the case of assessing your support system, the emphasis is on quality. Not how many people you know, or how long you have known them, but the depth and breadth of your confidence in the relationship.
As you review the people you rely on, consider how consistently they show up for you during challenging times. Equally important: consider whether they contribute positively to your well-being. It doesn’t matter if someone has consistently shown up for you if when they do, they damage your well-being, and don’t provide the kind of support you need.
Solid support systems require trust, unconditional love, and a lack of conflict. You must know that those you rely on have your back and want what’s truly best for you – not what they think may be best for you.
Questions to ask yourself include:
- Do you feel good after talking with someone or drained?
- Can you be open and honest and share your feelings safely, without pretense?
- Or is there a veil of judgment or guilt that accompanies any conversation or interaction?
- Will they be there when you need them most, in the way you need them to be?
- Do they understand that you have the right to make your own decisions, and do they support you unconditionally?
Identify Gaps
Don’t despair if after answering the questions above you have few people left on your list. That’s the point of this exercise – to get clear on who is truly in your corner, who will always have your back, keep your confidences, and support you without judgment. And to then shore up any areas that require reinforcement.
So, ask yourself. What do you really need? What emotional support do you seek? Do you need practical help with things around the house? Financial assistance? Legal advice? What about someone who has the life experience and information to assist you as you make major decisions and choices? Or do you just need a sounding board? Or a good listener?
As you assess the strength of your support system, note areas for improvement that you may uncover. Some ties hurt you, drain your power or bring you down. You need to spot these toxic ties. Constant put-downs and controlling behaviors are a red flag.
If someone does not respect you, they should not be in your circle. Especially during difficult times.
Who to Remove from Your Inner Circle
Your support system can be strengthened by adding new people to it, but it can also become stronger by eliminating people who have a negative impact on your well-being. Relationships are a two-way street. Giving and taking need to be fairly even.
- Do you have relationships that feel overly one-sided or strained?
- Or that can cause issues and lead to burnout, anger and hard feelings?
- Are there people in your life who consistently undermine your well-being or offer toxic influences?
Identifying areas for growth is another step towards building a stronger and more resilient support network.
A Few Words About Codependent Relationships
As you work to assess your support system, it’s important to keep an eye out for signs of codependency. People who you have a codependent relationship with can often seem like pillars of support that offer a sense of security or companionship. This may seem comforting at first glance. But it’s important to look a little more closely.
You must differentiate between healthy support systems and codependent relationships that can actually hinder your personal growth and development. Signs of codependency may include an imbalance of power, a lack of boundaries, excessive reliance on one another for validation and self-worth, and feelings of guilt or obligation.
These relationships can feel suffocating, stunt personal growth and prevent you from fostering healthy independence. By recognizing the signs of codependency and actively addressing any unhealthy patterns, you can ensure that your support system remains a source of encouragement rather than a hindrance to personal growth and development.
When Financial Support is Part of the Challenge
For those in a codependent relationship where financial support is intertwined with dependency, it’s essential to explore options to establish financial independence, because financial independence is a key aspect of personal empowerment.
Building a support network outside the codependent relationship and exploring opportunities for education, skill development, or employment can be healthy steps towards that goal.
It’s critical to take proactive steps towards securing your own financial well-being as part of your growth and development journey. It may be useful to seek guidance from a financial counselor as well as a therapist to develop a plan for gaining both fiscal and emotional autonomy and self-sufficiency.
This may require you to make lifestyle choices that reduce your expenses, doing what’s necessary to earn more money, or locating an alternative source for financial assistance.
Strategies to Nurture and Build Your Network
Reach out to those who consistently bring positivity and support into your life and express your appreciation for their presence. Cultivate new connections with like-minded people who share your values and support your growth.
Begin to establish boundaries with those who detract from your well-being and prioritize relationships that uplift and empower you. Remember that building a healthy support system is an ongoing process that requires active participation and nurturing.
Take care of the ties you already have. Talk often. Spend real time together. Tell people you care. Show them you are grateful. A little love goes a long way. Think about your interests. Try new ways to meet people to augment your circle: join a club, volunteer, go to a class. Find people who share your passions. This can lead to deep bonds.
Protect your time, guard your energy and know your limits. Healthy walls make for healthy ties. Create some distance with those who tend to pull you down. There doesn’t have to be drama – just be clear and respectful and act as your own agent. You are in charge of who you allow to spend time with you.
People who truly care for you will accept your request for boundaries or space. If someone pushes back, it’s a good sign that they are someone who may be doing more harm than good to your wellness.
How to Assess Your Support System
Assessing the strength of your support system is a powerful act of self-care that can have a profound impact on your overall well-being. Map your network, check your ties and find the gaps. Then, take action. Nurture bonds and seek new friends but set limits.
By recognizing the importance of meaningful connections and taking proactive steps to strengthen these relationships, you are creating a solid foundation for resilience and emotional stability.
Prioritize cultivation of a supportive network that uplifts, inspires, and sustains you through life’s ups and downs. In times of uncertainty and challenges, your support system can be the lifeline that keeps you afloat. Assess its strength, nurture its growth, and watch it become more resilient over time.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. Joan has had the privilege of mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. She is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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