Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ, is a critical capability, essential to both personal and professional success. Becoming more emotionally intelligent can lead to improved self-awareness, better relationships, enhanced decision-making abilities, and countless other positive developments in all aspects of life.
We recognize emotional intelligence in others. But how can we assess our own? And if we determine it needs work, can we improve it? How?
Today, we discuss how to assess our own capabilities and practical strategies that can help us become more self-aware and improve our own emotional intelligence.
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What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and express emotions effectively. It involves self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills.

How to Know if Yours Needs Work
Assessing your own emotional intelligence involves introspection and self-awareness and may require feedback from others, too.
To determine if you have work to do, reflect on your interactions and reactions in various situations. Consider how you respond to stress, criticism, and conflict.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Are you able to recognize and identify your own emotions? Can you pinpoint the exact emotion you are experiencing?
- Do you tend to react impulsively without considering or understanding your emotional state?
- How do you typically respond to different emotions? Do you tend to react emotionally without considering the consequences, or are you able to regulate your emotions and choose more appropriate responses?
The Role of Empathy
Emotional intelligence is not just about managing your own emotions but also about understanding and connecting with the emotions of those around you. It also involves the ability to understand and empathize with others.
Assess your empathy by considering how well you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Ask yourself:
- Are you able to listen actively, understand and respond with kindness and compassion?
- Do you believe you have adequate social skills?
- Do you have the ability and do you build positive relationships with others?
Seek Feedback from Others
Another effective way to assess your own emotional skills is to seek feedback from others.
Ask friends, family members, or colleagues for their honest assessment.
Listen openly to their feedback and be willing to make changes based on their suggestions.
Constructive criticism can be a valuable tool for improving your EQ.
Other Indicators of Low Emotional Intelligence
If you find yourself frequently reacting impulsively, struggling to regulate your emotions, or lacking empathy in your interactions with others, these may be indicators of room to grow and improve.
Difficulty in understanding your own emotions, challenges in communicating effectively, and strained relationships can also point to areas that need improvement.
Acknowledging these signs is the first step toward strengthening your emotional skills.
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence
Just like any other skill, emotional intelligence is not fixed. It can be developed over time with effort, practice, and self-reflection given your commitment and a willingness to grow and learn.
One effective way to improve your emotional intelligence is by developing self-awareness.
- Start by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in various situations.
- Practice mindfulness and self-reflection to gain insight into your emotional triggers and reactions.
- Keep a journal to track your emotions and identify patterns in your responses.
By becoming more aware of your own emotions, you can better regulate them and make informed decisions.
Another essential aspect of emotional intelligence is empathy.
- Empathy involves seeing things from others’ perspectives, understanding their feelings, and responding with compassion and sensitivity.
- To enhance your empathy, practice active listening during conversations, seeking to understand the emotions behind the words.
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine how they might be feeling in different situations.
Showing empathy can strengthen your relationships, build trust, and foster a sense of connection with others.
You can enhance your emotional intelligence by actively working to recognize and manage your emotions, empathize with others, and improve your social skills.
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How to Know Your Emotional Intelligence is Improving
Once you have implemented strategies to improve your emotional intelligence, how can you tell if your efforts are paying off?
One way to assess this is by monitoring your interactions with others. Notice if you are more attentive to their emotions, listening actively, and responding with empathy.
Reflect on whether you are able to regulate your own emotions effectively in challenging situations, maintaining a sense of calm and composure.
If you find yourself handling conflicts more constructively, building stronger relationships, and feeling more in tune with your own emotions, these could be signs that your emotional intelligence is improving.
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How to Assess Your Own Emotional Intelligence
Assessing your own emotional intelligence is an important step towards personal growth and self-awareness.
By recognizing and managing your emotions, cultivating empathy and social skills, seeking feedback, and practicing emotional intelligence daily, you can enhance your EQ and build more meaningful and fulfilling relationships in all aspects of your life.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. Joan has had the privilege of mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. She is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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