How to Find Your Voice and Change the World

Most of us hear a few voices inside our heads. Unfortunately, the loudest one is often our ‘negative self-talk voice‘. Quick to criticize, that voice often condemns our own behavior and stokes our insecurities. I call that voice ‘Marge’. I spend a good deal of time telling Marge to sit down and shut up. We all need Marge to do that. She often parrots what we have heard other people say in our lives and has an annoying tendency to emphasize the wrong things. Instead of encouraging you to find your voice, Marge often suggests you silence it.

She keeps bringing up things we’d rather forget.

Times we’ve failed.

The things we’re unsure of, the things we have doubts about.

We all need to quiet Marge more often. Because we have another voice struggling to be heard over that strident, negative, nagging one. It’s our own voice. The one and only one – in the universe.

Find Your Voice and Change the World

“You and you alone are the only person that can live the life that writes the story that you were meant to tell. And the world needs your story because the world needs your voice.” — Kerry Washington

Do you know the other voice I’m talking about? It may be harder to hear, because our own voice is often not as forceful.

Our own voice is that one that tells us what our heart is saying.

This voice is humming in the background when we face a tough decision, are reluctant to do something that doesn’t feel quite right, or feel driven to do something for no apparent reason.

This is the voice that is truly ours.

Do you know what your own voice sounds like?

How often do you hear it, and do you make a conscious effort to hear what it is saying?

Can you separate it from the voices of others in your head?

How To Find Your Voice

The term “finding ourselves” has been used and abused over the years.

It brings to mind people who are aimlessly wandering in search of a purpose.

But there’s another way more important aspect of ‘finding ourselves’.

It has nothing to do with what we do with our lives and everything to do with how we LIVE our lives.

This kind of self-discovery is essential, less ambiguous. It’s about knowing who we are – inside.

And being brutally honest with ourselves about how well our outside is accurately reflecting that inner voice we sometimes have to struggle so hard to hear.

Without a filter, a costume, a self-deprecating laugh, a sideways glance, or some other make up or mask or facade.

We must ask ourselves, are we giving our own, inner voice the platform it deserves?

Find Your Voice Through Self-Discovery

Who are we, really? If we were to describe ourselves to a stranger, what words would we choose? Do a long string of adjectives come to mind instantly?

Check the list again.

Do the words describe who we truly are, or who we believe the world wants us to be?

Revise the list if needed.

Now – let’s think of an example of our behavior within the last week that demonstrates the qualities we listed that reflect the real us.

Is it easy or hard to do?

Finding Your Voice Means Knowing What’s Important – To You

What about if you were asked to name three things we feel strongly about?

Can you rattle them off immediately?

Are these really the things that mean the most to you in the world?

Or are they things that we think should be important to us?

Let’s revise this list if need be, as well.

Keep thinking. What do you want your legacy to be? What did you stand for?

Now, try to recall examples of how we have recently demonstrated our position on these issues that are truly important to us.

If someone asked us, what makes us different from everyone else?

Do we know what makes us unique?

When was the last time we displayed that uniqueness in bright, bold colors?

We Usually Don’t Allow Others to Hear the Voice That Is Our Own

We spend much of our lives trying on various looks to see how well they fit.

Maybe we mimic others who are popular, or those we admire and respect. Or perhaps we adopt an ideology that seems to fit a large group, and we assimilate to that group, making all of that group’s ideas our own.

We may become biased and stop questioning issues, opinions, societal rules, or even truths.

We become part of a group but cease to be an individual.

Because sometimes it’s easier to identify with a group, and to have that group do more thinking for us.

When we align with a group of believers, we may begin to parrot what they say and do.

We may forget to question the assertions made by our leaders, and find ourselves nodding when they speak, regardless of what they are saying.

When You Find Your Voice, You Realize You Are an Individual

Finding our voice happens when we realize that although we may align with certain groups of people, we each have qualities, ideas, and characteristics that make us unique. We honor ourselves by honoring these gifts and sharing our own special contributions with our tribe.

We wake up one day and remember that we are not just part of a group or groups.

And that groups can only become stronger when there is discourse and ideas are tested.

One way to think about it is that we are awakened suddenly to our own relevance.

Sometimes we even feel called to act on our own individuality.

We remember that no two people are identical. And that who we are does not and should not mirror someone else. Who we are is at times innate, permanent, and irrevocable while at other times, a choice, 100% within our control. A dichotomy that contains infinite possibilities for our own personal expression.

We find our voice and suddenly realize we get to be whoever we want to be.

Every minute of every day.

We choose how we’re going to act, what thoughts we will pay attention to, and the people we will allow to influence our thinking.

Each moment, we choose what to focus on, what to make a priority, and what to ignore.

We get to choose what we want to say and how we want to say it and who we want to hear us.

We are all so powerful.

It Can Be Challenging to Find Your Voice

It can be difficult to find our own voice. The first step is mostly to get rid of all the noise that’s getting in the way. All those other voices telling us what we SHOULD do.

How and what should make us feel guilty or ashamed or embarrassed or angry or sad or happy or grateful.

What we should feel strongly about, and what our priorities should be.

All stuff we can and must ignore.

In short, the first step to find our own voice is to find silence.

The silence can be deafening for while, once we find it.

It’s been so long that we’ve been overcome by those other voices, opinions, assertions, beliefs.

That beautiful, blessed silence gives us a place to once again think our own unique, perfect, flawed, and personalized thoughts, with all of their inaccuracies and questions.

Our thoughts are our own, no one else’s.

We’re allowed to have them, pursue them, chase them and follow them – anywhere.

Without another person’s voice telling us to stop.

Yes, this is power.

Once the noise has subsided, and we come to peace with the silence, we can ask ourselves any questions we wish.

And take all the time we need to answer them completely, to ourselves alone.

And hear our own voice.

How to Find Your Voice

Let’s ask ourselves:

• What is important to me?
• Who matters most in my life?
• How do I tell right from wrong?
• What gives me hope?
• Who or what would I lay down my life for?
• What was I put here on earth to accomplish?
• Who can I comfort today and how?
• What do I stand for?
• What won’t I stand for?
• Are there dreams that I have been keeping to myself?
• How can I go after my future vision?

There are no right answers, there are only our own answers.

In finding them, we will truly find ourselves and find our voice – and change the world, forever.

For more inspiration, check out 7 Life Coaching Questions to Empower You.

Thank you, as always, for reading.