The “For a Better Life” series continues! If you would like to start from the beginning, please visit Ready for a Better Life? 12 Simple, Impactful Strategies. Today, we explore practical strategies to overcome the need for approval from others and reclaim our self-worth and authenticity.
We humans are social creatures, wired to seek connection and validation from others.
But when this natural desire for approval becomes an unhealthy need, it can hinder our personal growth, limit our true potential, and compromise our happiness.
How to Know Your Need for Approval is Unhealthy
Understanding when our need for approval becomes unhealthy is key to our emotional well-being and personal growth.
One red flag is when seeking approval becomes a primary driver of our actions and decisions, overshadowing our own values, desires, and authentic self-expression.
Continuous reliance on external validation, where our sense of self-worth depends solely on others’ opinions, can be detrimental.
Additionally, feeling extreme anxiety or distress when faced with disapproval or criticism is indicative of an unhealthy need for approval.
Another sign is constantly modifying our behavior or suppressing our true thoughts and feelings to align with others’ expectations, often leading to emotional dissonance and a loss of our sense of self.
Striving for healthy relationships where authenticity and mutual respect are valued can also help us recognize and address any unhealthy patterns surrounding our need for approval.
What Causes It?
An unhealthy need for approval often develops from early experiences and social conditioning.
Children who grow up receiving conditional love or experience significant pressure to perform and achieve may become people-pleasers in adulthood.
Family dynamics, cultural or societal expectations, and media influence can also contribute to the development of an unhealthy need for approval.
Additionally, those who struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, or other mental health challenges may rely on outside validation to bolster their sense of self-worth.
The need for approval can also be reinforced by rewards and incentives given for appealing to others’ opinions or desires, such as praise or recognition.
Over time, relying on external validation can become a habitual response and deeply ingrained behavioral pattern.
Recognizing the root causes of an unhealthy need for approval and seeking help from a therapist can help.
Self-reflection and growth work can enable us to break free from this cycle.
How to Assess Your Need for Approval
Are you unsure if your need for approval is excessive?
- Start by developing a deeper understanding of yourself – your values, strengths, and aspirations. Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you, independent of others’ opinions. Recognize that you have the power to define your own worth and that external validation is not a measure of your value.
- Next, evaluate your limiting beliefs. Examine and question the beliefs that drive your need for approval. Are they based on truth or societal conditioning? Challenge the notion that your worth is dependent on others’ acceptance. Remind yourself that your approval should come from within rather than seeking it externally.
- Make a commitment to embrace your true self, flaws and all. Strive to live in alignment with your authentic values and beliefs. When you live authentically, you attract genuine connections and opportunities that align with who you truly are.
Helpful Strategies
As with any change process, it’s essential to be kind and compassionate towards yourself, especially when facing self-doubt or criticism.
Treat yourself as you would a dear friend, offering understanding and support.
Cultivating self-compassion allows you to let go of the need for perfection and embrace your inherent worthiness.
Other strategies to support your growth include:
- Learn to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. This includes saying no when necessary and honoring your own needs and desires. Setting boundaries helps you prioritize your own happiness and fulfillment.
- Instead of seeking approval, focus on seeking constructive feedback from trusted people. Surround yourself with a supportive network that provides honest and helpful guidance. This allows you to grow and improve while staying grounded in authenticity.
- Acknowledge your own achievements and celebrate your progress, even if others don’t.
- Cultivate mindfulness to stay present and focused. Mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, reducing the influence of others’ opinions. It enables you to stay connected to your inner desires and make decisions aligned with your true self.
- Surround yourself with positive, supportive influences who uplift and inspire you. Seek out mentors, friends, or community groups that foster growth, self-acceptance, and empowerment.
Embrace your unique qualities and talents. Celebrate your strengths, pursue your passions, and let go of the need for comparison.
How to Overcome the Need for Approval
By implementing these strategies, you can liberate yourself from the need for approval and reclaim your authentic self.
Believe in your innate worthiness and live a life guided by your own values and aspirations.
Your self-approval is the most valuable validation you can seek – it paves the way for personal growth, fulfillment, and a deep sense of contentment.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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