How to Embrace Solitude and Overcome Loneliness

I’ve come across many articles lately about solitude and loneliness, and the differences between the two. It’s interesting that we can be so lonely even when we’re with others. Or how we can be lonely, yet still crave the peace only found in solitude. One piece I read described people today as having the common affliction of “being overwhelmed with loneliness while simultaneously starved for solitude.”

Solitude and loneliness usually involve time alone, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Even the connotations that arise from the two words are so different: solitude sounds peaceful, desirable, and like something we seek out. Loneliness sounds sad, stressful, bleak and depressing.

Dealing with Loneliness and Embracing Solitude

Solitude permits us to be alone with our thoughts and to make decisions absent the presence of others.

For this reason, it’s important to experience solitude to develop a sense of self.

Of course, we continue to consider wishes of others when making significant life choices.

But when we’re alone, we get to react more personally to things.

And no one is actively lobbying us to change our minds.

Choosing what we want to do or eat or wear.

Having our own thoughts, without outside influence.

These moments help us learn more about who we are, our likes and dislikes, and our own innate opinions.

Sometimes, the noise around us can be so loud it prevents us from hearing our inner voice.

Solitude Has Many Benefits

People may spend more time alone than ever before.

But the impact of technology is such that less of that time is spent in solitude. When thoughts are influenced by other stimuli (for example, music or web-surfing), it’s not solitude.

So, though we may spend hours in isolation, we don’t get the benefits solitude brings.

This is a problem. Because here’s the thing.

Scientists have found solitude brings benefits that may be life altering.

For example, a regular dose of solitude helps our bodies heal faster. Solitude also allows us to sleep more peacefully, and even makes us a better friend. When we enjoy enough solitude, we’re also more likely to be confident, compassionate, grateful and caring about others. Sounds like a pretty potent drug to me!

To truly experience solitude, we need to find a peaceful environment that allows us to reflect quietly, until we are done. No interruptions, no distractions, and no alarms.

These conditions are so rare in today’s world.

Mindfulness and Solitude

I believe mindfulness may be a tool to help us find the comfort of solitude even in the midst of active lives. Being mindful helps us tone the muscles that enable us to tune out distractions.

If only we could carve out a small block of time daily to focus on building this strength. Or hone the ability to create our own solitude when we need to reflect carefully, regardless of the chaos around us. It could be just the ticket.

Differentiating Loneliness

Time that we spend feeling alone and unhappy, missing others or being homesick doesn’t constitute solitude.

These times are the very essence of loneliness.

We feel sad and empty and like we have no one to turn to. Perhaps we feel as though we don’t belong.

Too much loneliness diminishes immune response, and can result in physical, emotional, and mental challenges of all kinds. In fact, loneliness has as many adverse effects as solitude has benefits.

How to Embrace Solitude and Overcome Loneliness

How do we get quality solitude while overcoming or avoiding loneliness?

Though it may sound counter intuitive, I think investing time one-on-one or in small groups, in meaningful ways, is the key.

We’ve talked before about how balancing quality one-on-one time and time alone is essential to our well-being.

I think of each of these as providing a unique form of nourishment to our bodies and souls.

Having too few one-on-one interactions results is a deficiency we may commonly refer to as loneliness.

Spending too little time alone with our own thoughts results in a deficiency of what we know as solitude.

Beyond finding balance, however, there was a fundamental truth reinforced by my readings. That is: we must be at peace with ourselves before we can find fulfillment in other relationships.

Because we can’t enjoy seclusion if we’re not at peace with ourselves.

We must find the kindness to accept our flaws and weaknesses without being overly critical.

To have our solitude soundtrack be one of acceptance and joy.

Only then can we begin to engage with others in a way that will be an antidote to our loneliness.

Nurturing Self-Compassion

So once again, it all comes back to self-compassion.

We all struggle to find it, embrace it and feel it, yet it becomes more and more clear how essential it is to our contentment and peace.

Let’s give ourselves a break today. Forgive ourselves for being so imperfect (we’re human, after all!). Speak to ourselves with a smile in our voice.

Let’s embrace opportunities for peaceful seclusion or carve them out if we have to.

Let’s take the best care of the hearts, souls, and bodies we’re blessed to have. And let’s hope that love will spill over, into our relationships with others, and just maybe, help melt other’s loneliness away, too.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.