Negative Emotions: How to Navigate an Unexpected Route to Happiness

We all experience negative emotions from time to time. For example, when working toward a goal, it’s easy to become frustrated if our progress is not as steady or fast as we would like it to be.  After all, in today’s world, instant gratification has become an expectation.  So much happens with just 1 tap on our mouse!  It’s easy to forget that many things worth achieving take time and will power. And it’s equally easy to lose sight of why negative emotions are actually essential to our growth and happiness.

Negative Emotions Are Essential to Happiness

And we’re human, so it’s easy to get caught up in negativity when things don’t go our way.

But the reality of it is getting a new business off the ground, becoming fit, or saving for a special purchase all take sustained effort. And there are going to be some dips in the road along the way.

Pursuit of other less tangible goals can also take a long time to achieve.

For example, trying to discover our life’s purpose, or becoming kinder to others, or even just making it a habit to get through a day without complaint.

When pursuing goals such as these, we may become disappointed if we falter, or are unable to stick to our own good intentions.

During difficult times, negative emotions may be hard to shake.

We may lose hope, experience jealousy, or begin to resent others in our lives.

It is certainly healthy to maintain a positive outlook much of the time.

But it’s also important to let ourselves process and experience a full range of true, real feelings, whether they are negative or positive.

Sadness has a place in our lives.

So do anger, frustration, melancholy, and even anxiety.

The key is to experience our emotions, but to also manage them effectively.

To allow them to happen without taking over our lives.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t know how to manage our feelings, in part, because we’ve been taught to repress them.

From the time that we are children, many of us are told things such as, “Don’t cry,” and “There’s nothing to be sad about.”

In fact, many kids have learned to avoid or suppress unpleasant emotions at all costs.

Unfortunately, as adults, when we begin to experience a negative feeling, such as depression, loneliness, or anxiety, our impulse is often to mask those feelings, too.

Some of us may have such a strong inner voice telling us to “get over it” that we may even turn to destructive behaviors such as abusing alcohol or drugs, restricting food, or eating too much.

Others may engage in self-harming.

How Embracing Negative Emotions May Help Us Find Happiness

Another unfortunate downstream impact of suppressing negative emotions?

We are unable to experience positive emotions to the fullest.

We are simply not capable of numbing a select set of emotions.

So, when we numb sadness, we also numb happiness, joy and other positive emotions.

What’s worse is that as we struggle with our own emotions, we may cause ourselves even more suffering.

It is difficult to deny something we are feeling.

It takes energy, and it wears us down.

Rather than trying to suppress feelings, we must work to observe them.

When we do, we may realize that there are other feelings mixed in that we should be attending to as well.

There is no skipping over the negative emotions.

We can try to suppress them, but they will merely fester below the surface.

They may come out in unexpected ways and limit our ability to experience the full range of our positive emotions as well.

So next time we find ourselves experiencing negative emotions, and telling ourselves to, “Get over it”; let’s instead ask ourselves: have I experienced this emotion fully? What is it trying to tell me? How can I constructively deal with this negative emotion without letting it own me? How can I experience it and then release it, and move on?

“The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.” ~Unknown

Sometimes, we may not be equipped with the tools to process our negative emotions on our own. If we’ve continually repressed these emotions over the course of our lives, it can feel overwhelming to start processing them for the first time. If you’re struggling to process your negative emotions constructively, a professional therapist can support you. 

There is a wide range of therapies out there to help you work through negative emotions.

Seek help and support when you need to in order to help you feel more equipped to handle negative emotions in future. You do not have to process your negative emotions alone.

Thank you, as always, for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.