It troubles us when we think we have done someone harm. We feel the need to apologize for our actions or behavior. It preoccupies us and we may even obsess over it. What to say, how to say it, how to make up for our wrongdoing. As common as it is to feel this way, the person we have wronged the most is often ourselves. Yet we don’t feel the same compulsion – the urge to soothe ourselves with self-love and kindness. It’s essential we work on that. Because to learn how to forgive others, we must first forgive ourselves – for everything.
Forgiveness Starts with Self-Love and an Apology
It doesn’t come as naturally as it should since we often deprive ourselves of that basic kindness, comfort, and support we strive to give to others.
So, let’s take a minute to acknowledge the times we have not been as kind as we could have been to ourselves. Let’s forgive ourselves for those times, release the regret, and move on.
It’s the basis of self-love, and it all starts with an apology.
Here are 10 thoughts to start with.
I owe myself an apology for:
- The sleepless nights I have spent worrying about what else I could do to “make someone happy”.
- Situations when I have allowed another to dictate my future.
- The many times I internalized it when someone was unkind or hurtful to me.
- Times I didn’t speak up when I was wronged.
- Occasions when I took responsibility for things that weren’t my fault.
- Special events I missed because others wanted me elsewhere.
- Hours I’ve spent working extra hard instead of taking care of myself.
- Times when I’ve let others demotivate me.
- Any time someone else has impacted my own feelings of self-worth.
- Staying in relationships where my partner was dishonest, unkind, or unfaithful.
What thoughts do you have to add?
How to Forgive Ourselves and Others
Learn how to forgive ourselves and others – it all starts with an apology. Or many apologies.
Write them, release them, and move on – a wise person once told me “Regret is a useless emotion.” And the process to release regret begins with an apology. We owe ourselves forgiveness, self-love and hope. Here’s to a brighter future – with fewer apologies.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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3 Responses
This was powerful! I’ve been working on self-forgiveness for things I have done wrong, but completely overlooked apologizing to myself, which is a whole additional step. So important to do both! Thanks for an eye-opener today.
Thank you so much for your comment, Lori. It means a lot to me that this post resonated with you!
I love this list so much! You really reached deep into what self love is all about. I’ve come across so many books and journals spouting tips about loving our physical appearance (which is indeed important), it’s refreshing to discuss self forgiveness as an essential facet.