Good News: Mistakes May Be the Key to Happiness!

Sometimes, making a mistake can have dire consequences. A doctor must choose the best procedure for a patient and execute it flawlessly. Engineers must develop cars without defects. Architects must design buildings that will not fall down. These things we know. But there are other situations when doing something wrong is actually a sign that we are doing something right. Conversely, if we never or rarely make mistakes, it can indicate something else is amiss. In fact, if we rarely make mistakes, it can mean we have trouble finding happiness.

Why Mistakes Are Key to Happiness

Recently, I read an article about how to determine if a company was a “learning organization.”

The first question the author posed was: “What happens if you make a mistake around here”?

I thought that question was a great way to start the conversation about the workplace.

It also occurred to me that the same question could be valuable to pose relative to our personal relationships, too.

Our families, upbringing, and prior and current relationships all influence our comfort with taking chances and being wrong.

So, let’s ask ourselves: what’s my personal history with failure? what happens if I make a mistake today?

Our Personal History with Failure

Reflecting on what we were taught early in life can help us understand how our brains work today.

Were we punished for being wrong or making mistakes as children?

Similarly, the relationships we have had or have today as adults can influence our thought patterns.

Have we been made to feel humiliation or blame for innocent errors when we screw up?

Here are some examples that may spark memories, painful or otherwise.

• Have we been penalized for guessing at an answer instead of staying silent?
• Humiliated when we pronounce a word incorrectly, or use the wrong fork?
• In our personal relationships, what happens if we accidentally tell someone to take a wrong turn? Do we get to laugh about it and enjoy the detour? Or are we yelled at and treated poorly simply because we did not know the best route?

The Fear of Mistakes Has Consequences

Not welcoming risk into our lives is a learned behavior which may have serious consequences.

Often, those who are afraid to make a mistake will pass up opportunities to do new things, meet new people, or even read books about topics they know nothing about.

The fear of making a mistake is often rooted in insecurity and perfectionism.

Those with this affliction often won’t take a chance on anything that may shake their sense of self or bring on a raging case of Imposter Syndrome.

This is bad.

Among other things, when people do not make mistakes, they do not learn to recover from them.

Mistakes Makes Us More Resilient

It turns out that this capability, the ability to rebound from setbacks, otherwise known as “resilience”, is key to our survival and to our ability to maintain our emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

So, in this way, making mistakes can be very good – in fact critical – for our own development. Being willing to be wrong can help build satisfying relationships, too.

It’s much easier to have a meaningful relationship with someone who listens to others and different points of view.

Those focused on proving they are right often miss opportunities to learn something new.

They do not enjoy hearing perspectives different from their own, and in fact, devalue them.

On the flip side, actively listening to others (even those we disagree with) makes us more approachable, affable, and empathetic.

These qualities attract others and are key to healthy relationships at home, with our families, and at work, as well. And healthy relationships are key to happiness.

Another positive thought on the subject? Those who are willing to listen to other points of view (and perhaps be proved wrong) are also those most likely to influence and teach others.

Mistakes Remind Us We Are Imperfect

Making mistakes reminds us we are imperfect. This is critical to a valid and balanced self-image.

We are not bad or inferior because we make mistakes – we are human.

And being human is an amazing condition.

When we take chances, ask questions, or try something new we open ourselves to possibility.

We give ourselves the opportunity to discover a new and exciting fact or hobby or area of interest.

And all of these situations can help make our existence more enriched, fulfilling and meaningful.

A catastrophic personal failure or error can actually have quite an upside.

Not only does it remind us of our humanity, but hopefully, it restores our humility at the same time.

Making a public mistake, for example, can be extremely embarrassing in the moment, but can “bring us back to earth”.

Ultimately, this temporary setback may allow us to become stronger and more empathetic. And eventually, it can help us find happiness.

So, making mistakes can actually change the course of our lives, and the lives of those around us, for the better.

Have you made a mistake recently?

When was the last time you realized you were mistaken about something? Did it make you uncomfortable? Or perhaps did it encourage you to wonder about other misconceptions you may have? When it happened, did it prompt you to reexamine any of your own opinions?

How about we all try hard to be wrong more often in the coming days?

I wonder what we will learn from it, and where it will lead us?

Please share your new discoveries with all the rest of us. And let’s all agree to make more mistakes on our road to happiness!

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.