The Truth About First Impressions and How to Avoid Them

We tend to form first impressions quickly.

It’s amazing how many conclusions we can draw with little or no evidence.

No one is safe from our judgment, it seems.

It can be a waitress who serves us at a restaurant. Or a guy who cuts us off in traffic. Maybe it’s a professor we have never met or a doctor who examines us for the first time.

These are examples of the ordinary interactions that happen in our lives every day.

And each is a situation where we may form definite opinions about others, sometimes in a moment or two.

Why First Impressions Matter

Many of us believe, consciously or unconsciously, that we can judge aspects of a person’s character, including morality, competence, and sociability, simply by looking at a new acquaintance’s face.

Further, many of us put strong stock into the conclusions we draw from a glance that may be as brief as a tenth of a second.

In reality, studies have shown that the first impressions we form about someone are barely as accurate as chance.

How First Impressions Can Be Harmful

The damage from mistaken first impressions can sometimes be fleeting.

However, if we judge others often, we are bound to at some point develop an impression about someone who will be in our lives for a long time.

Or perhaps someone meant to be a good friend won’t be, depending on the uninformed conclusions we draw.

It’s essential to do our best to notice when this may be happening.

We need to stay open to the possibility that our initial conclusions may be not quite right or even downright wrong.

Some of us initially tend to think the best of people.

We may get burned when we trust someone too readily.

Others may be skeptical or cynical and assume the worst. 

Only to find out later that we’ve missed out an opportunity to develop a long and lasting friendship.

Can you think of a time recently when you jumped to conclusions about someone?

Can you think of a time when your initial impression of someone turned out to be inaccurate?

We Must Learn to Trust Our Instincts Without Jumping to Conclusions

It is important to trust our instincts when we meet new people. 

But it is also important to guard against our tendency to form impressions without sufficient proof to inform them and based on our own predispositions. 

• The waitress who neglects to serve us timely may be distracted because her mother is hospitalized (not because she is a bad waitress). 

• That guy who cuts us off in traffic may have just received tragic news and is devastated (not just mean or selfish). 

• The professor who appears disheveled may have just found out that he’s being forced into early retirement.

• The doctor who appears not to listen may be preoccupied by another patient’s diagnosis, or a personal tragedy of his own.

The possibilities are infinite because we are all human beings living our own lives.

Compassion is Key to Avoiding Harmful First Impressions

What it all comes back to is compassion. We all have bad days, where we may not make the best first impression. And we all hope that when those times arise, people will cut us some slack, give us the benefit of the doubt, and a second chance. So, let’s try to do that for one another, all the time, and make it a habit.

Let’s think first that each of us are people: complicated, complex, frail and faulty people – all juggling highs and lows and trying to show up for everyone around us the best we can, regardless of the circumstances.

So, let’s show up for each other with a dose of compassion, from the beginning, from now on.  It can begin with something as effortless as an understanding smile.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.