How to Find More Happiness: Fill a Jar Today

Back in high school science, we were presented with a kind of riddle. We were given a range of materials to use and were asked to attempt to fill a jar to its absolute fullest potential. The gist of the assignment was, given the materials we had, which included rocks, pebbles, sand and water, how could we get the most crammed into that glass jar? Since that day, I’ve often reflected on the “fill the jar” experiment as a way to illustrate the various components of our lives and have thought of a “full jar” in life as a measure of our happiness.

Back in science class, the ideal solution was to put large rocks in first, then to add smaller pebbles, then sand, and then water.

By starting out with the larger pieces first, and ending with the fluid, it enabled us to fill the container to its absolute maximum capacity; it gave us the ability to make the most of the area available to us inside it, or any given vessel.

Happiness Is Having a Full Jar

So using this experiment as a backdrop, let’s talk about how we should fill the jar that represents our lives.

What are our rocks? Which are our most precious pebbles?

And what is the material or liquid that surrounds it all, that enables us to enjoy life to the fullest – or not?

Another thought to have in the back of our minds as we do this is the analogy of a full cup.

Let’s imagine ourselves as a full cup. Imagine what happens to that full cup when it gets jostled about, by an unexpected crisis or loss.

When something shocks you, surprises you, or makes you frightened, what overflows the rim of the cup?

Laughter? Tears? Anger? Sadness? Happiness? When life takes an unexpected turn, what’s your “default” emotion? Is it one you enjoy? Or is it one you want to change?

In my case, I find myself to be too quick to be annoyed. Or anxious. These seem to be emotions I experience way too often.

I have to make a conscious effort to replace that fluid in my jar or cup with something kinder, softer, more pleasing.

Empty Your Jar, and Start from Scratch

I like the idea of being able to empty my jar, and choose the rocks I want to put inside; even better, being free to take time to carefully select my many colorful pebbles.

And last, but not least, taking the time to consciously choose the liquid that I want flowing over all the components of my life.

Don’t we all want to fill our vessels to the fullest, and to have what spills out and overflows be joy and happiness?

Let’s think about how we fill our jars to the fullest.

What “Happiness Rocks” do you choose?

I like to think of the rocks in the jar as the foundation we build our lives upon. For some of us, it may be our faith. For others, it may be a vocation. Family is often a large rock for many. Or perhaps a few precious friendships. These are the fundamental building blocks of our lives. The things that everything else fits in around. Ask yourself, what are your happiness rocks?

Now choose the most beautiful pebbles.

We get to choose so many pebbles. I think of pebbles as our jobs, hobbies, activities, the things that fill our days. The topics that interest us. What do you like to do in your spare time?

The pebbles are also tasks we must do and actions we must take.

Though they are not as fundamental as our rocks, the pebbles fill a huge portion of our days and lives. Each pebble is a choice and we have the power to put pebbles in or take them out. They are what we mostly see when we look at the jar, because they surround the rocks. What are your pebbles? What pebbles do you want to remove? Are there new pebbles you would like to add?

Now for the water in the jar

I think of the water as the emotions and thoughts and opinions and ideas that flow over and around everything else. The water can be filled with kindness or cynicism; optimism or humility; judgment or stinginess or compassion or understanding. The water is also of our choosing. We can dump the water in our vessels today and choose a new fluid to re-fill and refresh it with. The choice is all up to us.

So what’s the water in your jar like?

Do you enjoy it? Does it comfort you? Or is it time for a refresh? What steps will you take to replace it?

Are there friends or family you want to go on this journey with you?

Perhaps we could all work together to remind ourselves about our commitment to a refreshed and fulfilled life, filled to capacity, and overflowing with love and joy.

Let’s do our best to stay cognizant of the contents of our jars.

When our jars are full of good things, we are at our most content and are feeling happiness.

Much of what fills our jars is there because we choose for it to be there.

So, let’s renew our efforts to fill an amazing jar with rare and precious rocks, colorful pebbles of all shapes and sizes, and beautifully soothing water.

Thank you as always for reading.

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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.