How to Negotiate to Get What You Want Without Being a Jerk

In life, there are many times when we want or need something from others. Perhaps it’s a favor or getting someone else to consider compromise. Other times, it can be something more significant – a negotiation on a home sale, or an important job promotion. In these cases, and many more, knowing how to negotiate and persuade can be critical to our success. Being adept at finding mutually beneficial solutions can allow us to resolve conflicts and achieve our goals. Let’s explore the art of negotiation and also some practical tips about how to get what you want without being a jerk!

How to Negotiate: 11 Best Strategies Ever

We can all improve our ability to negotiate. Fortunately, most of us can do this by applying common-sense principles that often come naturally to us in other aspects of our lives. Strategies that may help us as we learn how to negotiate include:

1. Foster a Positive Mindset

Recognize that negotiation strategies focus on collaboration, compromise, and building relationships. It should not be about dominating or manipulating others. If you begin to feel the urge to become too aggressive, your best move is to back off, take a break, and restore a positive mindset before resuming negotiations.

2. How to Negotiate: Be Prepared and Do Your Homework

Understand your goals, anticipate the other party’s needs, and gather relevant information to support your position. Think about the underlying drivers of priorities for both you and the other party, too. Often, negotiations focus on two clear alternatives – but there is often a mutually beneficial option to consider – if we take the blinders off and become more creative in our problem-solving as we learn how to negotiate.

3. How to Negotiate: Listen Actively

Be genuinely interested in the other party’s perspective and their ideas and concerns. This demonstrates empathy and builds rapport, allowing you to better address their needs and find solutions. Your interest and engagement will also help drive the other party to mirror your behavior – and to take a full interest in your issues and priorities, too.

4. How to Negotiate: Communicate Effectively

Be articulate, clear and concise and be mindful of your tone and body language. Avoid interrupting the other party. The more they talk, the more you learn about their motivation and circumstances.

5. How to Negotiate: Ask Open-Ended Questions

This helps uncover the other party’s interests, priorities, and underlying motivation. This may help lead to solutions that cater to both parties’ needs. It also demonstrates your interest in better understanding the other party, which can help foster good will throughout the negotiation process.

6. How to Negotiate: Find Common Ground

As you learn how to negotiate, look for areas of agreement or shared interests to establish a foundation for collaboration. This helps to build trust, which increases the likelihood of reaching a favorable outcome. It can also be useful to identify common interests or connections totally unrelated to the negotiation at hand. Anything that helps to foster engagement and mutual respect will help to build a sense of collaboration and partnership.

7. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

Understand why someone takes a certain position. Explore alternative ways to meet their interests, while also achieving your own objectives.

8. Explore Creative Solutions

Encourage brainstorming. Taking a creative approach expands the range of possible solutions, leading to innovative and mutually beneficial agreements.

9. Maintain Emotional Intelligence

Recognize and manage your emotions and adapt to the emotional cues of the other party. Work to defuse tension. Well timed, appropriate humor can often help de-escalate discussions that are beginning to heat up. Be careful, however, not to minimize or diminish the importance of the negotiation to both you and the other party.

10. Get Comfortable with Silence and Use It

Humans tend to be uncomfortable with silence. A pause in conversation as short as a few seconds can feel awkward. Often, people will begin talking to fill the gap – just to ease their own discomfort. This can be a challenge when you’re learning how to negotiate. But getting your opponent to talk often leads to them disclosing useful information or even taking a step towards compromise. So, getting comfortable with silence is one of the most powerful negotiating skills a person can have.

11. Build Long-Term Relationships

Even if an agreement isn’t reached, maintaining a respectful and cooperative attitude can leave a positive impression and lay the foundation for future collaboration.

How to Negotiate and Get What You Want (Without Being a Jerk!)

Learning how to negotiate involves balancing assertiveness, empathy, and effective communication.

By adopting a collaborative mindset, actively listening, and focusing on mutual benefits, you can often negotiate successfully without resorting to abrasive or aggressive tactics.

Embrace the art of negotiation as a means of building relationships, achieving your goals, and creating win-win outcomes that leave both parties satisfied and respected.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.