We’re all naturally inclined to develop habits. And we can use this tendency to help us be kind to ourselves. Since we need to learn to be kind to ourselves to be genuinely kind to others, this is an important opportunity to take advantage of. So, let’s get right into it. Here’s how to use habits to establish a positive self-talk habit today.
Positive Self-Talk
Yes, that’s right.
To be truly kind to ourselves we must first overcome and replace that beast of a behavior: “negative self-talk”.
That voice in our head.
We drop a jar, and the voice says, “You are so clumsy”. As we pass a mirror, the voice says, “You look terrible today”. We forget a birthday and the voice says, “You are such a terrible friend.”
The bad news is that the habit of negative self-talk is destructive and pervasive. The good news is that it is a habit – and habits can be broken.
And new habits, such as positive self-talk – can be inserted in place of the habits we shed.
The science of how habits work is interesting, if you’re into that.
But we don’t need to understand the science to make the power of habit work for us.
Many smart scientists, psychologists, sociologists, and coaches have come to the same conclusion: changing our habits is the most effective means to change how we perform, how we feel, and how happy we are.
Organizations like Proctor & Gamble, the National Football League and even the United States Army have figured it out. So, let’s accept this too: habits are important, they are key to success, and they can be changed.
We Must Learn to Recognize Our “Cues”
Habits are driven by cues. So, the next time we hear that negative voice in our head, let’s stop. And identify the cue that set it off.
Did we forget something on our shopping list?
Swear like a sailor?
Screw up a recipe?
Drive like a crazy woman?
Say something we wish we could take back?
Knowing our cues is the first step.
We Must Change Our Response
The second part is crucial. As cues arise, and as that negative voice begins to chime in, stop it in its tracks. Replace the derogatory comment with something uplifting, hilarious, or inspirational.
How we each do it is up to us.
We can choose a phrase that can be our new mantra or challenge ourselves to come up with something more outrageous each time it happens.
“Am I a Goddess or What?” or “My Closets are the Envy of All Who Know Me” works for me.
Whatever our gift is – state it in that moment! Think in ALL CAPS and in BOLD! And if we can, let’s find a mirror to smile into, all the way up to our eyes.
Each time we do it, we’ll be one step closer to beating that negative voice into submission — because we will be on our way to forming a new habit.
Positive Self-Talk: There’s Strength in Numbers!
There’s another thing that can help us all do better at positive self-talk. Scientists have proven that we’re more likely to stick with a habit if we do it as part of a group. How about we all work on this together?
Give me a “Heck, ya!” or some other comment or retweet so I know you’re on board! (This step is important because it will cement our commitments to our “Positive Self-Talk Movement.”)
Our following is over 37,000 strong now. Imagine how much we can change the world – together!
New habits take time to stick – some believe 21 days is the magic number. Let’s all commit to come up with the most adorable, in-your-face, ridiculous, endearing, positive self-talk mantras we can during the next few weeks.
And let’s commit to accepting that we’re beautiful, unique and worthy, even if we do have flaws we can’t deny. And let’s see how much happier we are by next month. Are you with me?
I hope this Positive Self-Talk Movement gets you feeling better each time you do it.
After your mantra, and your smile, remind yourself: You are so much more than good enough. Have fun with this and please keep our group posted on your progress.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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3 Responses
I like your website a lot. I’m big on on positivity, so much so that I went as Ted Lasso for Halloween! In my writing and my life I try to emphasize the positive, especially because I’ve been battling a crazy health issue called mast cell disorder, that modern medicine can’t really address yet. Positive Self-Talk has been critical for my healing. All that being said, I’m impressed you can stay positive with so many Twitter followers! I posted a complement to someone’s article today on Twitter and out of nowhere someone criticized my complement! Haha. Thanks for posting.
Matt, thank you for being a loyal reader, and for sharing your thoughts. I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with mast cell disorder, and impressed with your commitment to positivity in the face of the challenges that must present for you. Is there a topic you’d like to see me cover in the blog? I’d be happy to oblige. Your comment about staying positive despite having a strong Twitter following made me laugh out loud! Please keep your thoughts and feedback coming. Sincerely, Joan
Very inspiring and uplifting article! I agree positive self talk is very important. If we will not talk nicely with ourselves then who would. Moreover to survive through difficult tasks and obstacles, a positive self belief is important and that could only be achieved through positive self talk. This may also help in cure of chronic diseases