Many strategies to boost happiness encourage us to “let go”. The message is often that we should let go of negative emotions like anger, resentment, pain and hurt. But letting go of any feeling is challenging for most of us. We often have a particularly hard time when we try to let go of the negative ones. When we’re hurting, it takes time and energy to recover. The idea of simply “letting go” of the pain seems impossible.
And if we let go, doesn’t that leave us empty? Is that the way we want to feel? Like we’ve just let strong feelings go, unaddressed?
That mental image of pushing feelings out a door, and slamming it shut, is disturbing. It feels unsafe, like those feelings could break down that door whenever they choose and hold us against our will.
What to Do When You Can’t Let Go
When we’re hurting, we want to feel better. We also want to stop blaming ourselves for feeling hurt. But simply letting go isn’t always the best tactic. It may feel more comforting to instead “let in” positive feelings.
With practice and commitment, letting in feelings like gratitude, generosity, patience and joy help resolve hurt and negativity.
Even when the hurt is great. Letting in positive feelings doesn’t mean we “let go” of our negative feelings. It’s more like we watch them dissipate, because they are overcome; we watch them heal, not wander away.
Is it a form of denial to do this? Science says no.
It has been proven if we engage in positive thinking and visualization and dwell on positive concepts, our negativity has no choice but to eventually surrender.
Focusing on positive feelings, instead of letting go of negative feelings, helps us be “fuller” of feeling.
This is the opposite of feeling empty.
Letting go of negativity may help us hurt less but may also leave us joyless.
As we let in positive feelings, they gradually take over our minds as we allow them to exert their whole power.
That’s a more powerful and positive mental picture.
Positive feelings conquering negative thoughts and beliefs.
It is as though they are coming to the rescue when our hearts need them most!
Becoming full of positive energy feels more realistic than becoming empty of negativity.
What do you think? How do you cope when someone tells you that letting go is the answer?
Please comment and share a positive thought or two that may brighten someone else’s day.
Hearing each other’s success stories makes us all stronger – and we are all so much more than enough.
Thank you so much for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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5 Responses
What a beautiful way to look at life and our thoughts! Let in the positive instead of trying to let go of negative. I love this!
I have always considered the Psychology of “you just need to let it go” a bit flippant. Even if our feelings aren’t grounded in reality – they’re still real to us. Simply denying that we feel them isn’t healthy. It’s akin to burying trauma until it does bubble up and become a very big problem. Your analogy of the door breaking down was perfect! That’s how I feel too.
Letting in the positive is a much healthier way of acknowledging, “Yes, I feel this, but I’m choosing to dwell on this instead.” Understanding why we feel the negative to begin with is also helpful. If I feel fear – I need to know what’s making me afraid. Simply trying to “let it go” doesn’t help me heal from it for the future.
Brilliant post. Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom!
Thank you so much for your comment, Holly. I really appreciate your insight as well, especially the point you make about needing to know what causes a negative feeling, such as fear, to arise. All feelings present for a reason, even the negative ones!
It is a very informative article. Keep up the good work.
I like this way of doing you mention. First of hearing this way here.
Liz, I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Thank you for your support!