Being Authentic: How to Find the Real You

We crave honesty in our personal relationships, for obvious reasons. What’s not so obvious? The first step to transparency in our relationships with others is being honest with ourselves. The first step towards being honest with ourselves? Figuring out who our true authentic self really is.

We have all read about the value of being authentic when we engage with others. Bottom line, we should act in ways that reflect our true thoughts and feelings. The problem is many of us don’t even know who our true authentic self is.

How to Find Your Authentic Self

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become.” – Steve Jobs

We’ve spent years being the person we think others want us to be.

So much so that we may not even recognize our own true self.

While I was looking for more inspiration on this topic, I stumbled across some words of wisdom.

They underscored that the first step to transparency (and honesty) in our relationships is being self-aware and honest with ourselves.

In other words, being authentic.

Being honest with ourselves is the first step to authenticity.

We must be 100% honest with ourselves to have a healthy relationship with ourselves.

We must know what matters most to us, what we don’t care about, what we stand for, what we won’t stand for.

Sounds basic, right?

But how many times have we told ourselves lies?

How many times have we adopted a false narrative because it better suits our circumstances or makes us more acceptable to those around us?

This has to stop.

Because if we don’t have a healthy relationship with ourselves, then we can’t have healthy relationships with others.

Part of having that healthy relationship with ourselves also means we put effort into getting to know ourselves – warts and all.

Being authentic means we own our faults and love ourselves anyway.

We all have had experiences that we wish had turned out differently.

Sometimes we act in ways that we regret.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have flaws, weaknesses, hot-buttons, pressure points, and annoying habits.

We have said things we wish we could take back.

Sometimes, we have had critical thoughts of others that were not fair.

And there have been times when we were not as kind as we could have been.

How often do we rationalize being inauthentic?

How many times do we behave in ways that we regret in our hearts, yet simultaneously justify in our brains?

This combination of actions is so demeaning to us, and yet it happens often.

No wonder we’re all always so exhausted!

How much of our energy has been zapped by this state of dissonance we put ourselves in? It’s tiring to convince ourselves that our actions, while unkind, or unfair, are justifiable.

And until we come clean with ourselves, it’s just impossible to move forward.

When we hide from ourselves, life is a shadow of what it can be.

Having healthy self-awareness (or being truly transparent with ourselves) means we acknowledge what we’ve done wrong or can do better.

We’re not ashamed of the way we acted, but we own it and hold ourselves accountable for it.

Being authentic means we do what we must to make things right.

We don’t engage in the blame game – we take responsibility for our fair share of what has happened, or the situation we are in.

And we’re able to do so without irreparable damage to our own self-esteem.

And then we move on. And try harder to be the real person who we are, the authentic person we want to be remembered as.

As we figure out how to be self-aware without judgment, our lives become easier, lighter, happier.

The energy we previously invested in denial is freed up to invest in more valid and fulfilling goals.

As we see our faults for what they are, taking next steps comes more naturally.

Encouraging ourselves to be authentic, self-aware and honest is another form of self-care.

Relieving ourselves of the burdens we carry opens a new world of possibilities for how to direct our energies. Pursuing the goal of self-awareness is brave and courageous and good for us. So let’s be kind with ourselves as we move ahead with this undertaking.

Let’s consider our findings gifts to ourselves – and to everyone else we love.

Because once we achieve transparency within ourselves, once we begin to live a truly authentic life, it opens the door to transparent, authentic relationships.

The fulfillment we find in these relationships will allow us to feel and share joy like no other.

Let’s move ahead on this journey together.

What do you think about the connection between transparency, authenticity, healthy relationships and happiness?

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.