Science has proven that the species most adaptable to change is the one most likely to survive. Being adaptable is also a precious skill for us as people. Because how likely we are to thrive is often directly related to how well we handle the changes that life brings our way.
Not what those changes are, per se; but how well we handle them when they occur.
Another way to describe this capability is in terms of resilience. How well we withstand disruptions or unanticipated shifts in our lives, our ability to bounce back from unexpected challenges, and recover and move on with life.
How Change and Transition Differ
Change often happens in an instant: a death or a birth, a loss of a job or a pet; unexpected bills or a windfall of wealth; new relationships beginning, old ones ending (whether we want them to or not).
A global pandemic.
Stuff happens and “just like that”, our lives are never the same.
The psychological process by which we adapt is called transition.
This is where our individual competencies and skills come in. Our ability to thrive is not about how well we weather disrution in the instant it occurs. Rather, it’s about how well we navigate the process that follows it, mentally and emotionally.
Our adaptation to the world after the big event, if you will.
To a certain extent we are ‘wired a certain way’ in terms of how well we handle change. But there are things we can do to improve our transition abilities, too. When we do, we improve the likelihood of a successful transition for ourselves, and we also improve the odds for those around us.
We Each Handle Transition Differently
As we all know, every disruption we encounter takes a toll.
This includes so-called positive adjustments (marriage, having children, a promotion, etc.) as well as negative ones.
Each one creates stress. And stress can make us anxious, uncomfortable, depressed or even angry, depending on our own unique mindset and circumstances.
Some of us naturally roll with things better than others.
Some of us actively seek to avoid change because of how difficult transitions are for us to bear.
But no matter where we sit on the transition-welcoming scale, there’s room for us to get better at this essential life skill.
Why Is Change So Difficult?
We become accustomed to certain rules of engagement, a group of people we interact with, a routine for our daily lives, etc.
So, it’s understandable that when something alters, especially when it happens unexpectedly, we may feel somewhat adrift or unclear about whether and when old rules and norms still apply. And anxious about uncertainty.
And, as people, in general, we dislike uncertainty.
Depending on what we’re adapting to, some or all of what we are used to may be up for reinterpretation. But until we muddle through for a while, we may not be sure what is altered vs. what stays the same.
Some ‘good changes’ can present quite challenging transition periods.
A promotion may give us more money and resources. But it may come with added responsibility. Added stress and pressure. Longer hours. Graduating from college may make one feel tremendous freedom, accomplishment and opportunity. But at the same time, this freedom may breed uncertainty – with so many potential job and career options to choose from.
Understanding How We Deal
No matter what the nature of an adjustment, we tend to demonstrate similar behavior patterns when it occurs.
Some of us are open to and almost welcome new things. We tend to assume the best about the future.
Others of us resist and push back on any potential adjustments that may impacts us.
If it’s required, those of us in this camp often assume the absolute worst.
Things will go wrong; people will be hurt; the impact could be devastating.
Whether we are pro or anti-change, there are aspects to how we each approach transitions that can help us navigate the process better.
Phases of Transition
There are many models that describe the transition process. One aspect common to most is that they break down the process into three overarching phases: pre-, during, and post-change.
The first phase is when we learn or understand a change has happened or is about to happen.
This phase can be short when related to unanticipated and abrupt change. It can be longer, especially when it relates to planned changes, such as a move, the birth of a child, or a marriage, for example.
The second phase begins when the change occurs or is implemented.
This could be the first day of a new organizational structure at work, the day we move into a new home, or the day we adopt a pet, for example. This phase is relatively compact and discrete.
The third phase is post change.
What we do and how we do it, after the big event. This phase can be protracted, or it can be short-lived, depending on how complex a change is, and how ready we are to handle it, accept it, and embrace our “new normal”.
There are things we can do at each phase that help us transition more effectively.
Advice to Weather the Phases of Change
The advice for the first phase of change is simple: we need to acknowledge that change is coming or has occurred.
Stop pushing back, denying it, questioning it. It happened, or it’s about to. This step is critical because it allows to redirect energy we may have expended on resistance to more positive activities; activities that will help us adapt more readily.
A second key tip is to openly admit that this change is making us anxious or concerned.
To put names on the emotions we attach to the change. And to explore what is driving the emotions we are experiencing. We will not adapt to a change by denying our anxieties. Acknowledging them is as critical as acknowledging the change itself.
Third, we must remember that information is our friend.
We should seek out people who can help us understand more about the change that is coming. And to perhaps eliminate some unknowns. If it’s a re-org at work, we must seek information from managers and teammates. If we’re about to give birth, we need to seek out other new moms and learn from their experiences.
Last, we need to consciously explore the benefits of a change that is coming our way as well as the potential downside to it.
Again, denial will not help us. No change is 100% positive. The key is to be objective. And perhaps even a bit detached as we study the upcoming change. What is changing? What will stay the same? How might life be better post-change? What can I do to help myself approach this change with an open mind?
Phase 2: Change in Process
It’s the big day, the change is here, ready or not.
This part can be difficult, awkward, and fraught with uncertainty.
Is the change going to happen the way I anticipated it?
How well will I handle surprises, both good and bad?
Our instinct can be to fault ourselves.
Why didn’t I think of that? How could I have been so careless?
- First, it will help to admit up front: throughout Phase 1 and 2 things WILL go wrong. There is no way to anticipate every obstacle or roadblock. Doing new things involves failing. It’s how we grow and learn. So, expect that to happen. And expect more unanticipated hiccups to follow.
- Second, it helps to see a change process as an opportunity to identify and recommit to our own values. Our core, unshakeable principles. In the midst of uncertainty, these constants are reassuring. For example, if we are about to enter a new organizational structure, or a new job. We can reflect on values we are committed to, whatever environment we are operating in. No matter what, I will be honest. I will behave professionally. I will take on new challenges with a positive mindset.
- Third, especially in the event of abrupt, significant, or tragic change, opening up to our personal support systems, friends and family members will help us process our change experience. Also, in certain circumstances, reaching out for professional counseling or to support groups that include others going through similar challenges can do wonders for our mindset. The relief of knowing we are not alone can make all the difference.
Phase 3: Post Change
The change happened, and although every day will likely continue to bring new surprises for a while, things are beginning to settle out. Strategies to help us continue to move forward positively include:
- If the change experience has altered the people who we consider peers, it may be a good time to reassess outside groups we engage with. Whether it’s a personal or professional change, it can be valuable to seek out and get to know new comrades or colleagues: other moms, other managers, other writers, other who have lost children or spouses. The kindness and generosity of those with whom we share a common bond can be life altering.
- It’s important that we set goals or milestones to use as signals that we are moving forward. Getting out of the house. Going on a date. Chairing our first board meeting. Whatever. We must articulate our vision of what small (or big) successes look like, so that we have a concrete means to mark the passing time and our progress in your transition.
- Celebrate! When things go right or when things go wrong, whatever, it all means progress. Learning requires failure and surviving a blunder with grace can also be a reason to pat ourselves on the back. So, let’s be our own biggest fan, but take every opportunity to congratulate others around us on their successes, too. Sharing that goodwill with others can help keep our own spirits high, and as we all know, attitude can be everything.
The Only Constant in Life is Change
We’ve all heard it, time and time again. The only thing we can truly count on in this life is continual change.
Some changes will be anticipated and have minor impacts.
Others hit us out of the blue and may be life threatening or life changing.
In any case, the best thing we can do is to attempt to improve our transition skills, and to welcome each and every change in our lives as an opportunity to practice these precious skills that can make or break our future happiness.
Interested in learning more coping mechanisms? Check out:
7 Practical Strategies to Build Mental Resilience: Strengthening Your Mind In Difficult Times
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. Joan has had the privilege of mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. She is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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