How to Calm Down: How to Relax When You Need To

There was a time when calm came to us on its own. In fact, calm was our natural and prevalent state of mind. In prehistoric times a surge of adrenalin, our biological fight or flight response, struck only when a true emergency was at hand. A wild animal chasing us, for example. Or wicked weather, driving us to seek shelter. Today, we are in an almost constant state of alert. And it can be challenging, if not impossible, to figure out how to calm down. To un-learn being on edge.

We are distracted by relentless interruptions that penetrate nearly every waking moment.

To relax, it feels like we must intentionally ‘unplug’, wander into the wilderness, or both!

How to Calm Down in Today’s World

We mentioned that calm is no longer our natural resting state.

It’s true. If phones are nearby, there’s an almost constant pinging. Notifications send a momentary stimulus throughout our nervous system. Over. And over. And over.

Those pings result in a mild version of that same neurological response intended to save us from saber tooth tigers.

If we wear a watch with many features and also spend our days planted in front of a computer, the stimulation can be almost too much to bear.

Constant pop-ups, advertisements and breaking news.

Background noises that pervade most any public or semi-private space.

It all creates an environment where our thoughts often do not get to run their course.

We’re distracted before we reach sound conclusions.

And we rarely attain the state of flow that often allows us to calm down, and in many cases, can help lead us to happiness.

We Can’t Relax Because We Have Forgotten How to Calm Down

No wonder many of us have forgotten how to naturally relax and must make a conscious effort to do so.

To calm down, we actually need to think about it.

Focus our energy on soothing concepts or practices or make a mental effort to be more mindful.

In short, calming down has become one more chore, one more obligation.

That which is supposed to come naturally is now another thing on our to-do list.

Something we have to work at.

So, these days, finding calm is just one more thing that – you guessed it – can cause us stress.

Signs We Need to Remember How to Calm Down

There are signs that we’re in a perpetual state of stress or overdrive.

Often, we don’t even realize it, so we may have to make a conscious effort to do so.

When we do, it’s not uncommon to discover that our hands have formed fists, or that our teeth are clenched.

At rest, we are often inadvertently holding our breath.

We have to remind ourselves to do something as natural as filling our lungs fuller than the minimum needed to stay conscious.

It’s true, we often must make a conscious effort to pay attention to our physical, mental and emotional state to realize that we have lost our sense of calm.

How To Calm Down

It takes significant mental energy to ignore the stimuli around us.

And it doesn’t feel very good, either.

It’s unpleasant to be frantically trying to rise above the noise and madness.

It’s more effective to avoid or remove ourselves from stressful surroundings, at least periodically.

Of course, it’s not always feasible or practical to break away to a tech-free space.

Or to shut down all our devices to help us feel calm.

So, it’s important to learn other techniques and tips that can help us minimize the craziness.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Movement often helps. Just get off the sofa and do a few laps around the living room or the backyard.
• Hydration is important. Almost everything we feel gets amped up if we’re a pint low on that essential fluid that keeps all our gears turning. Keep water nearby and easy to access.
• If you’re being bombarded with stimuli (especially when a lot of it is potentially bad news) channel an optimist you know or admire. Imagine what they would say to you.
• Go old school. Instead of reading the news online, pick up a newspaper now and then. Read a magazine. It’s incredible how much more relaxing it is to control the pace at which you absorb the news. And to do it without the interruptions of constant pop ups and ads.
• Warm beverages, showers, and blankets can all help restore calm. Snuggle up with a soft shawl or cardigan and make a cup of tea.
• Color or draw. Join your children in a craft project. Anything that helps channel your brain away from the stress.
• Plan something fun to do in the future. A dream vacation, or even just a short road trip. Something to look forward to that will get you out of your own head.
• Meditation, prayer or other mindfulness practices can help soothe even the most frazzled nerves.
• Remember times you have overcome stress and found peace. Reflect on other times in your life when you have found and felt true calm.

For more ideas about how to relieve stress and find calm, check out: 12 Activities to Combat Stress.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.