Labels Hurt Everyone: How to Stop Using Them Now

It’s a shame that we humans are so inclined to label people we barely know. Is it because it makes it easier to remember them? Does it help our brains to put people in neat categories that reduce them down to one or two words? We’ll get into the drivers of labelling, and how labels impact identity in a minute, but first – let’s own up to it.

Because we all do it.

Sometimes the label is based on a behavior or physical characteristic. Or due to a noteworthy incident.

Whether the nickname we choose reflects a positive or negative trait, it can inflict harm.

That’s right, no label is a “good one”.

Here’s why we must learn to notice when we label others, how labels impact identity, and why it’s so important to break the habit.

Why Labels Hurt

Sometimes, we begin to use one word to describe someone based on our first impression of them.

Or perhaps we begin to use a nickname based on something we hear secondhand.

If we use a label that we think of as a compliment, that describes someone’s talent or gift we may not even realize the harm we are causing to that person.

How Labels Impact Identity and Why Labels Are Harmful

Why is labeling someone harmful?

Because when we do it, we reduce another person’s identity to a characteristic they may only display during a small slice of time.

We reduce them to a one-dimensional trait.

It’s demeaning. And can be humiliating and frustrating to the person who has been labelled.

People deserve better than that. We’re complex, multi-faceted people, each and every one of us.

Although we know this isn’t right or fair, we’re all guilty of doing it from time to time.

But next time you find yourself about to use a label or a nickname, think about this: is there one word you would use to describe yourself?

Does being attached to a label impact identity, and your own sense of self, for you?

How would you feel if you were labeled based on your worst moment or a rare moment that didn’t depict the real you?

We may think this challenge primarily presents when we are among strangers, but the opposite is often the case.

In fact, family members can be the worst offenders.

Think about it.

Is there someone everyone in your family calls “the black sheep”? How about the “late bloomer”?

How Labels Impact Identity in Children

As mentioned above, labels can be linked to positive as well as negative traits.

For example, parents may call one child “the creative one” or “the athlete”.

Unfortunately, this can limit that child’s potential to excel in other areas.

Labeling a child with a positive nickname may also make them quite uncomfortable.

They may begin to avoid displaying that positive characteristic, especially if they don’t like the attention that comes with it.

And labeling one child may prevent other children in the family from trying to excel in that area because they fear being overshadowed by the “star”.

Think of all of the names we often hear people use to describe others: brainy, smarty-pants, neat, sloppy, nerdy, unlucky, etc.

Though it probably never occurs to us, calling one child “the neat freak” can not only discourage them from being neat, it can also discourage other kids in the family to be so, too.

How Labels Impact Identity in the Workplace

On the job, how often do you hear someone described as “a people person”?

Or a “brown-noser”?

Or the dreaded: “not management material”?

Here’s the thing.

We do ourselves and others a disservice when we try to reduce someone’s identity to a word or a trait.

And it’s unfair to assume that because someone exhibited a characteristic at one point in their lives, that it’s an apt means of describing them to others.

Labels May Inhibit Growth and Change

When we label people, we imply that they are not capable of change. That’s untrue and can be demotivating, humiliating, and unkind.

In families, this can be particularly disheartening.

If you call one child the “funny one”, you may never get to see the lighthearted side of another.

Similarly, if one child is always singled out as the “musical one”, it may discourage another to explore similar talents, for fear of not measuring up.

The truth is, labeling is a tendency we have because, being human, we tend to be kind of lazy.

And lumping people into categories makes it easier to place them in a slot where we don’t have to think as hard.

Why Labeling Others Is Bad for You

Labeling others is bad for them, but it’s can also be bad for us.

Because we may also get in the habit of applying labels to ourselves.

For example, if bad things happen to us on occasion, we may begin to label ourselves as unlucky.

Believing we are unlucky can influence our own behavior in negative ways.

We may become slower to take risks, go on adventures, or even meet new people.

Labelling ourselves as “low maintenance” may mean we begin to expect less of those we care about.

Or beginning to think of ourselves as a “people-pleaser” may mean we are more likely to sublimate our own needs.

Labelling ourselves in any way, negative or positive, may mean we begin to put too much of an emphasis on one trait or characteristic, vs. our overall, complex, confusing, multi-dimensional, beautiful, unique identity.

Indirect Effects of Labeling

It’s clear that labels cause direct pain and can hurt people very much.

But labeling ourselves or others may also have other indirect negative effects.

For example, labeling may directly correlate to higher stress levels.

The reason? Labeling implies we are unable to change our personal characteristics.

This creates an underlying feeling that we have less control over ourselves and our surroundings.

This lack of control and influence may in turn lead to elevated stress.

Let’s Stop Labeling Ourselves and Others

So how about starting today, we do our best to cut back on labeling?

Let’s try harder to notice it in our own behavior, and to actively refrain from repeating labels we hear from others.

Above all, let’s stop labeling ourselves and give our more complex and multifaceted identities a chance to emerge and thrive.

Doing will have benefits for us and will also benefit those around us. They deserve to know us, all of us, and every aspect of us. And we deserve to have deeper relationships that go beyond the surface traits that may dominate an initial interaction.

Let’s pay more attention to our own habits of labeling and spread the word. Call others on it when you hear it happening. Because labels can have unintended consequences.

Thank you as always for reading.

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