Stop Right There! How to Resist the Inference Ladder

Some days, our thoughts seem to have a mind of their own, so to speak.  We can know in our hearts and brains that positive thinking is better for us.  In fact, we can train our thoughts to improve our happiness. Yet often, our minds wander to the worst possible outcome, explanation, or assumption. We jump to conclusions, and before we know it – our thoughts have made us quite unhappy, whether or not we have reason to be. Sometimes we kind of make stuff up. We have a small piece of information, but then we make assumptions, and wind up with faulty conclusions. This is sometimes called “going up the inference ladder.”

The Inference Ladder

Here’s what it looks and feels like to go up the Inference Ladder:

• The tone of that e-mail from my boss was strange – next thought: maybe I’m going to get fired.
• My partner seemed distracted – next thought: maybe he or she is going to end our relationship.
• I accidentally knocked over a glass – next thought: I must be the clumsiest person in the world.

When we read these reactions to small events it seems obvious that they are blown out of proportion.

But when we dwell on the low points of our days long enough, anything can seem possible.  So, it’s really important that we train ourselves to be our own “thought police”. And that we all do our best to guide our minds towards thoughts that will help us find happiness.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s important to trust our gut in many situations, and not second guess our reactions too much. But it’s equally important to know when our instincts and natural tendencies may be leading us astray.  This can happen with thoughts about ourselves or others.

Let’s get back to the “inference ladder.”

Something happens, and we infer something else from it.  For example: someone shows up to work looking disheveled.  We infer an explanation.  Perhaps we surmise they were up all night.  From there we fabricate reasons for why they were up all night.  Next thing you know we’ve inferred that someone was out all night doing something questionable.  When it’s possible they were just unable to sleep. Or they were at a sick loved one’s bedside.

As children, when we are taught to read, we are encouraged to infer what may happen next in a story.

But in our lives, we need to exercise some restraint.

Because the inference ladder is dangerous. We can go up one or two or three rungs without even realizing it.

We can begin to share our inferences with others as truths.

This is how rumors gets started. Equally treacherous is going up the inference ladder in our own minds about ourselves:  I messed up that simple recipe – next thought: I must be a moron!

Do you ever find yourself “going up the inference ladder”?

Whether it be about yourself or someone else, here are some questions to consider if you notice this happening:

• What is the evidence this is true?
• What is the evidence that this may not be true?
• Is there an alternative explanation that is more plausible?
• If my friend were in this situation, what would I think the explanation was?
• Are there other possibilities for why someone behaved the way they did?
• What are the chances that the worst will happen?
• What else could happen instead?
• Am I trying to read someone else’s mind?
• Can I control what will happen?
• Am I being too hard on myself or someone else?
• How is my thinking effecting my life?
• What are other reasonable explanations for what has happened?

“Thought Police” generally has a negative connotation – but in this case, I think of our thought police as being superheroes.

I like to picture personal thought guards (kind of like bodyguards, except they are protecting our minds!) swooping in to save the day when we find ourselves teetering at the top of an inference ladder.

Armed with sensible questions, they can help us descend, one rung at a time, to safer and firmer ground.  So, let’s avoid the inference ladder and try to guide our thoughts to happiness today.

Thank you as always for reading.

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KindCompassCoach

Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.