Divorce is a sad life event. That’s not a criticism of either you or your partner. You haven’t “failed” if you divorce. But the split of a union is unfortunate, even when it ultimately leads to better things for both of you.
Unfortunately, even in the most amicable of separations, there may be points of disagreement and contention.
It can also be difficult to set aside old feelings – both positive and negative – as you work to transition to a new dynamic.
That can prevent you from making progress with your ex-partner to get to a “new normal”. Challenges in this regard can impact your ability to effectively navigate what can be difficult circumstances, whether it be arranging the division of assets or mutual visitation rights for your children.
So, can you really be friends after divorce? If so, what do you need to keep in mind as you work towards it?
Consider The Goals of Friendship after Divorce
It’s important to be realistic about what your friendship might be.
You’ve got a shared past and maybe kids together, and that might ensure proximity.
But it can also define the friendship you have.
For example, you don’t have to hang out with one another but can be very kind and appreciative for the sake of your children.
That might involve time apart before you can be friends.
It’s okay if you’re not ready but agreeing on that mutual appreciation and friendship can make a big difference.
Show Warmth, Appreciation & Candor
Ultimately, if you want to receive friendship, you have to behave accordingly.
You don’t have to be over the top, but showing appreciation, not sniping with criticism, helping them help you, it all improves the relationship. And you have to build that foundation again after you split.
Consider it a new project, worth it for your children or just future contact should you live close to one another again.
Understand Your Life Paths Diverge after Divorce
It’s fine to live differently and understand a split means you no longer determine life for one another again.
Agree on the principles – such as making sure the households you have for your children are safe, clean, and comfortable.
Share the duties as necessary.
The more you can both bond on the elements that matter, the more you can work as a team.
Make Sure Plans Are Reliable
Sometimes, you have to make certain that your plans are arranged for the suitability and capability of both partners.
For example, the Out-of-Court Solutions Tucson Office can help you manage your divorce with appropriate mediation before both parties cause trouble for one another.
This can also help you structure what the post-divorce agreement will look like, so you’re again investing in the appropriate, shared future of both parties.
This is another definition of friendship – not necessarily being close and intimate emotionally but supporting one another to live the best lives you can from then on.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years as a consultant. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate coaching and leadership, including mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from relevant experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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