We have all found ourselves on the cusp of a major life decision. Contemplating making a leap from the precipice of the status quo. Taking chances like these requires us to have faith in ourselves. More than that, it requires us to be brave and have courage in the face of what is undoubtably real and appropriate fear.
We’d be foolish not to be concerned about consequences as we consider a new risk or path.
To start a new job or career, commit to a relationship, have or adopt a child, move to a new home or city, or start a new business. To put ourselves first, for once.
We must be brave to do these things. That doesn’t mean we’re not frightened. It means we are – and we move ahead anyway.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anais Nin
How Courage and Happiness are Connected
In fact, life seems to require courage from us at almost every turn. Sometimes minor decisions turn out to be life altering. Yet they don’t take the same kind of courage.
Because we often don’t have a clear picture of the magnitude of the potential consequences. We don’t think about these mundane choices much or doubt our instincts to pursue one path or another.
We’re more confident in what our gut tells us.
Courage and Major Life Decisions
But the decisions we self-describe as “major” – oh how we do tend to fuss over them. Agonize. Worry. Wonder. Dancing around the real issue – the truest obstacle between us and our dreams: Fear. That’s right, fear. Not money, or time, or connections, or motivation. Fear.
That’s the single biggest challenge we all have to overcome. This is why finding the courage that allows us to pursue a new course of action, despite the uneasiness we feel as we leave our comfort zone, is key to happiness.
When We Leap the Net Appears – Or Does It?
There is a saying that is something like “When we leap, the net appears.” But surely, that’s not always the case. Right? I mean, if that were the case, we would all be leaping and taking risks with abandon, wouldn’t we? It’s hard to say.
After all, we never know where the other path – the path we did not choose – would have led. If we take the plunge and embark on a new venture and we’re moderately successful, we really don’t have anything to compare it to.
Perhaps we would’ve failed utterly had we stayed on our previous course.
Or perhaps there was a new opportunity just around the corner; it’s possible that we could’ve stayed the course and excelled beyond our own imagining!
But does that mean if we had deviated and taken a risk, we would have failed? No – it doesn’t.
So, it’s very difficult to know whether or not any of our choices are “good ones”. And really, staying within our comfort zone doesn’t mean that we avoid fear, either.
Sticking with The Status Quo Takes a Different Type of Courage
It takes a different kind of bravery to stick with our status quo. It takes strength, and inflicts a kind of pain, a yearning, a sadness, unlike the wiry anxiousness of risk-taking.
Though it may not make us as nervous, the choice to stay put may nevertheless be just as risky. After all, who knows what opportunities we are foregoing? And how devastating might the emptiness of wondering “what if?” become? What potential pitfalls await us in the comfortable, safe space that is our current state?
Perhaps this realization will make us feel more frightened, in the short run. Or perhaps it will simply heighten our awareness about the opposite risk that is attached to NOT pursuing new opportunities.
We may be more familiar with our existing circumstances, but that absolutely does not mean that we have the power to predict the future on either path.
We simply know what may be more likely, based on our past. Understanding the risk attached to ‘standing still’ may help us find the courage to take more chances.
Courage and Happiness
And maybe another reason to appreciate why courage and happiness are so closely connected. Perhaps combining this understanding with our own natural instinct to be curious about the unknown could make us more likely to explore new things.
Maybe, just maybe, this combination would allow us to approach that tipping point; the moment when our thirst to know the outcomes of the what-ifs overcomes the inertia holding us prisoner in the status quo.
What if we also could figure out practical measures that would help us achieve a more positive orientation to a potentially altered future?
Set Your Goals, Find the Courage, Seek the Happiness
A new future, that is out there, just waiting for us. Find the courage. Seek the happiness.
What would it take? Are there baby steps that would move us closer to the edge? Small actions that could simultaneously narrow the gap we need to leap over, while preserving our footing on firm ground? Or are there mini-safety nets we could build, that might create ledges below the precipice; creating an alternate route to safety, if we need it?
Perhaps doing all these things could be enough to give us the courage to leap more often.
It Starts with Baby Steps
So, let’s take some small steps together. Let’s tell ourselves our dream. And really explore those dreams so we can describe them in vivid detail. Now let’s tell someone else we trust.
Ponder the questions they ask us, thoughtfully. And recognize and accept that courage and happiness go hand in hand.
Each answer we develop will increase our confidence and effectively narrow the gap we must leap over.
Improved confidence will help us find courage and happiness.
For the planners out there, let’s figure out 3-5 major milestones in the path to our dream; the path that leads slowly but surely away from the status quo. Describe that first milestone in detail.
Now let’s imagine we have an internal software like WAZE or “GoogleMaps”.
Let’s use it to draw the shortest route between where we are today and where we need to be to achieve our first milestone.
Next, let’s identify the actions that will move us incrementally forward. And choose an action to take – today. Tomorrow. Next week.
What resources do we need to get there? Time? Money? Support?
Become Courageous, Plan Effectively, Achieve Your Goals
When we describe our requirements in concrete terms, it becomes easier to figure out a strategy to obtain them.
If it’s time we need, figure out a way to commit 30 minutes a day to honing our plans. If money permits, perhaps we can reduce hours we work; or hire a sitter to care for our kids once a week.
Is it money we need? What expenses can we conceivably reduce? Is there a way to earn a little extra money?
Are you open to any of the hundreds of side hustles that are now available to anyone with a little guts and technical know-how? What about if all we really need is support?
Sometimes that’s all we need to find the courage within ourselves to take a chance.
Sometimes Support is All We Need
Just one person to believe in us, and our dreams. Look around, who are your friends, your true allies? It doesn’t have to be someone you see every day. Perhaps it’s an old friend you email from time to time, or even an on-line buddy.
It just has to be someone you trust, 100%, to love you and support you and be a positive force in your life. Perhaps you can find a support group. Just get out there. Find your tribe!
- Describe the dream.
- Narrow the gap.
- MapQuest the route.
- Identify the resources.
- Find a supporter.
- Determine tangible steps and actions.
- And then take them, one at a time.
Smaller Leaps Take Less Courage
It’s easier to find courage when your leaps are smaller.
And the more you practice leaping, the better you get at it, and the less scary it becomes. Before you know it, your dream will be within your grasp, and more beautiful in person than you ever imagined. And you will need less courage to take the next step, because you will be closer to your goal.
Everything you dream of is on the other side of fear. Courage and happiness. They go hand in hand.
And all it takes is some courage to take that first leap. Let’s all go for it together.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Morabito Senio is the founder of Kindness-Compassion-and-Coaching.com. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. She is a certified Neuroscience Coach, member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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