How to Accept Reality When Life Doesn’t Turn Out as Planned
Life is full of surprises. Sometimes, it feels like we’re cruising down the road, and suddenly, there’s a roadblock. We thought we had a clear path but now have hit a major detour. Other times, despite our best efforts and thoughtful consideration, we make a poor decision or two that lead to lifelong consequences. Or tragedy strikes, and we find ourselves living a completely different life than the one we were living yesterday. Maybe someone we counted on has let us down, and we’re feeling adrift and alone. So, how can we learn to accept reality when life doesn’t turn out as we expected?
How to Accept Reality: The First Step Forward
It’s tough to accept that things aren’t going our way. On a small scale, imagine planning a picnic, packing a basket full of food and drinks, only to be greeted by rain. Or packing up the car for a day long beach adventure only to find the beach is closed because of rough surf.
In that moment, we all feel frustrated or defeated. The same is true for more major hiccups and detours in life. But when we learn to accept our circumstances, it is like finding shelter from that storm; like finding a private cove to divert our beach adventure towards. Dwelling on our bad luck or misfortune works at odds with happiness. The more we contemplate what has gone wrong and the unfairness of the hand we’ve been dealt, the more bitter and sad we become.
Working towards acceptance of our current situation helps us to regroup and think clearly.
Recognizing what’s happening is essential. Whether it’s a job loss, a broken relationship, or something even more serious, accepting our mistakes or misfortune, facing reality head-on, and accepting it as our “new normal” is the best way to start moving forward.
Accept Reality but Let Your Feelings Happen
Have you ever tried to stuff down feelings? It’s like trying to keep a beach ball underwater. It’s exhausting and only leads to more pressure, and ultimately, failure. Allow yourself to feel what you need to; anger, sadness, confusion. Those emotions are natural and valid. Cry if it helps. Punch a pillow if that’s what works for you. Get into your parked, locked car and scream. Any form of emotional release can be incredibly healing.
Don’t shy away from what you’re feeling or try to resist it. Experience it fully. And then, let it go.
Learn More About How to Process Your Feelings
Focus on What You Can Control
When the world feels like it’s spiraling, it’s easy to feel powerless. But do your best to think like a captain on a ship battling a storm. Recognize that you can’t control the weather, but you can steer the ship towards calmer waters. Identify the aspects of your situation that you can influence.
If you lost your job, you have the ability to decide when and how to update your resume and reach out to your network. If a relationship ended, you get to choose whether to invest time in personal growth or to spend more time reconnecting with friends and family. Small actions can give you a sense of control and purpose.
Seek Support: You’re Not Alone
You don’t have to face challenges alone. Talk to friends or family members who can provide a listening ear. Sharing struggles can lighten the load. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else gets it (like someone who has weathered their own storms) can bring comfort.
Consider joining a support group online or in person. These spaces can help you feel like you are part of a community.
Accept Reality, Cultivate Resilience, Bounce Back Stronger
When we are resilient, we behave like a rubber band; we stretch under pressure, but we but don’t break. Building resilience takes practice, but each setback can make us stronger. Reflect on past challenges and how you overcame them. What worked for you before? It’s essential to recognize your strengths.
Maybe you’re resourceful, or perhaps you’re great at finding humor in tough situations. Use those strengths to help you bounce back.
Learn More About How to Cultivate Resilience
Accept Reality and Discover New Opportunities
Think of life as a grand adventure, where each twist and turn can lead to new and exciting destinations. Just because one plan fell through doesn’t mean your journey is over. Exploring new opportunities can open doors you never knew existed. If your initial plan was to go to college, maybe now’s the time to start a creative project or learn a new skill. Often, the best experiences come from unexpected changes.
Practice Self-Care: Nurturing Your Well-Being
At all times, but especially in the middle of chaos, it’s essential to care for yourself. Our minds and bodies require consistent nourishment. Find activities that make you feel good, whether that’s enjoying a warm bath, going for a walk, or diving into a good book. Small acts of self-care can make a big difference. They recharge your spirit and clear your mind.
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Accept Reality and Embrace Life’s Lessons
It may sound trite, but it is 100% true: Life isn’t about reaching a destination; it’s about enjoying every day of the journey. Every twist and turn teaches us valuable lessons and provides opportunities to get to know ourselves and others better.
Maybe you’ve learned to be more adaptable or to take risks. Perhaps you’ve gained valuable insight that will help you later in life. These lessons shape who you are and help you grow.
Find a Beautiful Journal to Use to Capture Your Life Adventures
Your Story Isn’t Over
When life doesn’t turn out as expected, it can feel overwhelming. But each experience, good or bad, contributes to your unique story. Process your feelings, seek support, try to stay patient and don’t shy away from new opportunities. Most clouds have silver linings, and your unexpected detours may just lead you to an adventure you never imagined.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Joan’s career includes clinical healthcare plus 20+ years as an executive in a nationwide health care system and 15 years as a consultant. The common threads throughout Joan’s personal and professional life are a commitment to non-profit organizations, mental health, compassionate coaching, professional development and servant leadership. Joan has had the privilege of mentoring early and mid-career professionals as well as current and future executives and leaders. She is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is also a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me. You can read more about Joan here: Joan Senio.
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