To observe Annual Boost Self-Esteem Month, Kindness-Compassion-and-Coaching.com published a series about this intriguing subject. If you would like to read the series from the beginning, please start with this piece: Self-Esteem: What You Need to Know and Secrets Revealed. Today, we provide a step-by-step guide that explains how to practice self-compassion: an essential ingredient and means to demonstrate healthy self-esteem.
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen
The Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Compassion
We all read many articles about self-care, but fewer about the more important practice of self-compassion. Self-care articles include suggestions to eat well, exercise, and tend to our own needs. No question – self-care is awesome! And we all need to practice it regularly to be the best we can be.
But no amount of self-care will soothe us if we do not also practice self-compassion.
So, let’s get into how to practice self-compassion – and practical tips about how to start doing it, today.
Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Care Every Time
It’s hard to feel good about a manicure or a massage if we’re beating ourselves up inside for some slight misstep that happened last month or last week. Many of us find ourselves in a self-compassion rut often.
In all our efforts to care for others, we forget to be kind … to ourselves.
Many times, we may not be able to put a name to what we’re feeling when we’re suffering from a “self-compassion deficiency”.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is an easy concept to grasp, especially once you fully experience it.
Self-compassion, done well, feels like a tender hug from the inside. More specifically:
- Practicing self-compassion means that we are kind and loving to ourselves.
- It means that we forgive ourselves when we make honest mistakes.
- When we are self-compassionate, we treat ourselves as we would a good friend or a young child.
- Self-compassion means being understanding to our younger self, today’s self, tomorrow’s self.
- It means that we love all those versions of ourselves, completely and unconditionally.
Getting to that place doesn’t cost a penny nor does it require any special accommodations. But it is incredibly challenging.
How to Practice Self-Compassion – and Stick with It
It requires commitment, patience, bravery and love – lots of it.
It also means that we must be willing to be completely vulnerable, humble, and 100% honest with ourselves.
We put aside excuses, we own our weaknesses; and love the whole beautiful, amazing combination that is uniquely us.
It can be challenging to practice self-compassion. In fact, it can take a lot out of us, emotionally and physically, especially if it’s new.
Don’t be surprised if tears come as you begin to feel release.
Quieting the negative voice that many of us struggle with takes tremendous energy, especially if that voice has been around for a long time.
It’s important to be patient with ourselves as we try to unlearn old behaviors and thought patterns.
Below, you will find 5 suggestions about how to practice self-compassion.
Everyone is in a different place, so if you choose to try these suggestions, take the time you need to process one fully (days, weeks, a month or more?).
Stick with it until you are truly finished with it.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
- Think of one thing you did this week that took courage. Spend 5 minutes congratulating yourself, the way you would a younger or less experienced person for what you accomplished.
- What is one small mistake you made this week that you have been feeling disappointed about? Put that mistake in perspective. Will it impact your life in a day, a week, a year? Forgive yourself, fully, for your innocent oversight.
- Identify someone in your life who you view as a role model. Name at least 5 qualities that you have in common with that person. Be your own hero!
- Is there a difficult or troubling situation that you find yourself in? If your best friend or child were in this situation, what advice would you give them? How would you comfort them? Provide this advice and comfort to yourself and feel the warmth it provides.
- Think back on one thing that you have done in your past that you regret. Experience the memory fully and own your role in it. Accept responsibility and accountability for what you did. Now release any lingering feeling of regret and guilt – put this event in your past, know you are wiser and stronger for having lived through it; and forgive yourself fully for what happened – you were doing the best you could at the time.
Self-compassion doesn’t involve a day spa, or other forms of treats.
But it takes courage and bravery and will power, and confidence and you must be willing to take some risks to fully experience it.
It’s a journey that never ends, but each day gets a little brighter.
How to practice self-compassion? Start by giving yourself a pat on the back for being a human being who cares enough about herself to read more on the subject!
If you’re ready for the next post in the self-esteem series, it’s ready for you: Self-Acquired Intelligence Can Make Your Self-Esteem Soar.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a private sector corporate executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant and coach. The common thread through her professional life has been a commitment to compassionate leadership, including leading and mentoring current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach articles are backed by research and include facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan is a member of the International Organization of Life Coaches, serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
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5 Responses
Excellent advice! I hadn’t considered self-compassion as a prerequisite to self-care. I like the idea of giving myself the same advice I would give others; often I am much better at the giving advice but not always taking my own words to heart.
Great post! It’s so important to remember to love yourself!! Yess
Excellent! Parents, moms especially are way too hard on themselves. Moms are way to judgemental toward other moms!
Great advice for everyone!
Thanks Jen! I agree 100% – it is so powerful when women support each other instead of tearing each other down. If we could all do this, we would be unstoppable!!!
Interesting read! I hadn’t thought about self-compassion as a pre-requisite to self-care, but it makes perfect sense! I think it also requires at least some awareness of self-worth.