I have a friend who once said to me, “Regret is a useless emotion.” She may have been right. But regardless of how well regret serves us, it can certainly be powerful. Most of us will experience regret at one time or another. When we do, it can be almost impossible to shake. Our brains […]
Most of us can probably relate to what it’s like to deal with someone who stonewalls us. We want to talk; they walk away. If a difficult topic arises, they avoid the issue or distract us with unrelated criticisms. Maybe they just change the subject in an effort to avoid real communication. Unfortunately, this practice […]
Learned helplessness is a psychological concept that refers to a state where people feel unable to change their circumstances, even when opportunities for change exist. In the context of relationships, learned helplessness can lead to feelings of powerlessness, resentment, and a lack of motivation to improve the relationship. Learned helplessness can doom a relationship. But […]
We humans are social creatures. We crave companionship and interaction with others. Besides satisfying these needs, healthy friendships, marriages, partnerships, and relationships with other family members provide us with love, support, and companionship. At times, however, negative feelings can overcome the good, and the result is an unhappy relationship. When this happens, we can begin […]
Relationships are an essential to our happiness and well-being. However, not all relationships are healthy and fulfilling. Some relationships are worse than merely unhealthy – they are downright dangerous and threatening to both our emotional and mental health. Understanding the signs of a toxic relationship is critical, because detecting these issues early makes it much […]
Do you believe in love at first sight? We’ve heard fairy tales about it, read books, heard songs, even watched movies where love at first sight is the main premise. Whether we believe them or not, people we know claim to have experienced it. Or perhaps we have experienced it ourselves. Do You Believe in […]
Relationships help us stay connected to the people we care about and provide us with a sense of belonging. However, relationships can also be challenging, especially when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are important, if not essential. They help us establish our needs, expectations, and limits. For the best outcomes, it’s key to […]
Relationships play a significant role in satisfying our needs for companionship, support, and human interaction. In this way, relationships, especially healthy ones, bolster both our physical and mental well-being. Unfortunately, relationships can also be a source of distress. Especially when our partner is unwilling or unable to satisfy our personal emotional relationships needs or unwilling […]
Relationships are challenging. People have different priorities, opinions, strengths, challenges, faults, skills, and idiosyncrasies. With all the different attitudes, thoughts, and feelings we each bring to a relationship, it’s kind of a miracle that any relationship is successful, let alone happy. But, despite all these complexities, it’s actually quite simple to predict which relationships will […]
Do you have a secret? If you’re like most people, you may have up to a dozen! We keep secrets for all kinds of reasons: shame, embarrassment, insecurity, to maintain privacy, or to protect someone else. Having a secret, in and of itself, doesn’t necessarily hurt us. It’s whether we dwell on it, and how […]
Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation that is used to control an individual’s emotions, actions, and behavior. It is a tactic that involves the use of fear, guilt, shame, and obligation to get someone to do something that they may not want to do. Emotional blackmail can come from anyone, including family members, friends, […]
As we covered in our previous blog post on worry, overthinking and rumination, many of us suffer from intrusive thoughts that do not serve us. In fact, the majority of people experience persistent worries or overthinking at least from time to time. Strategies to counteract our tendency to worry and remedies for chronic overthinking vary […]
When you hear the term “low maintenance”, what comes to mind? Maybe a garden that doesn’t require much tending? Or a haircut that needs little attention? Maybe it’s a car that doesn’t require service very often. As people, we often consider being low maintenance a desirable quality. Why do we pride ourselves on requiring so little […]
Do you remember the book and movie “Love Story”? It was popular back in the 1970s, and the tagline was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry…” Although many people loved that movie, I hope few embraced that sentiment, because nothing could be further from the truth. It’s important for us to give each […]
Do you tend to be cynical about other people? Is it difficult for you to form friendships or enter into romantic relationships? When you do, do you often feel jealous or suspicious? Do you distrust your parents or family? There’s a word for feelings of intense mistrust, or prevalent ‘trust issues’, especially in the context […]
We have all had to interact with people who we find immature or irresponsible. It can be annoying and frustrating. Both at home and work, it’s difficult to tolerate people who don’t own their own mistakes. People who avoid difficult conversations. Or resist committing to deadlines or goals. It’s easy to form opinions about people […]
In an earlier post, we wrote about how essential transparency is to relationships. In that piece, we talked about being honest with ourselves as the first step to having more open and honest relationships. This post focuses on another aspect of transparency. Specifically, how privacy and secrecy are connected and how they both are key […]
Are you in a relationship with someone who hesitates to take responsibility or make commitments? Do you know a grown person who behaves more like a child or teen? “Arrested development” is a term that describes this condition. It arises when a person is “stuck” at an early phase of emotional development. Arrested development is […]
Achieving intimacy in relationships takes trust and courage. Knowing we need to let others see all of us is just the beginning. After we realize and accept how critical it is to allow ourselves to be truly vulnerable, it’s still very hard to do. This is where the courage part comes in. It’s a huge […]
A people-pleaser wants everyone to be happy. Everyone. All at the same time. Sounds unrealistic, right? To those of us who have this affliction, it’s our natural (almost uncontrollable) tendency (compulsion?) to pursue this unattainable goal. This means we constantly try to figure out everything we can do to maximize the happiness of those around […]
Many strategies to boost happiness encourage us to “let go”. The message is often that we should let go of negative emotions like anger, resentment, pain and hurt. But letting go of any feeling is challenging for most of us. We often have a particularly hard time when we try to let go of the […]
It seems like common sense: friendships make us feel good, so they must be good for us, right? Our friends help us enjoy life by sharing fun experiences and providing companionship. Friends can also be a sounding board when we face challenges or need to make difficult decisions. At times, just having a trusted friend […]
Your read that correctly. I propose we stomp out preaching the Golden Rule, once and for all. We all know it: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Well, from my perspective (and I reckon for many other people), that’s definitely not a road to happiness. If the people around me […]
For better or worse, the internet and digital devices have become an integral part of our lives. This goes for all people of all ages, including our kids. Even toddlers are often seen playing with their parents’ phones, while parents are driving, or otherwise distracted. It seems harmless, but while technology offers us many benefits, […]
We most often speak of intimacy related to physical or sexual encounters. But intimacy has a much broader definition and is an essential component of a wide range of relationships. Sadly, many of our relationships today suffer from a lack of intimacy. It’s important for us to learn how to restore intimacy – before it’s too […]
Education is a critical foundation for not only professional achievement, but also for achieving happiness in life. There are many downstream benefits for encouraging a love of learning in your children, and in doing all you can to ensure they have positive experiences with learning. Fortunately, there are many ways to help your child to […]
We are all our own worst critic. It’s completely normal to be tough on ourselves through all stages of life. But when we become a parent, it can be particularly easy to get caught in a negative self-talk loop. This time of year, we’re especially busy, getting ready for a new school year and teachers, […]
We are all prone to be limited by blind spots in our thinking. We experience our routine, over and over. We’re presented with similar decisions, conversations, interactions. The way we think becomes a habit. Our ability to innovate, “think out of the box”, and pose new solutions to persistent problems becomes severely impaired. It’s a […]
Many of us want unconditional love. We equate unconditional love with being loved for who we are, with no strings attached. We also want to believe that we are capable of selfless and unconditional love of another person. But it’s not as easy as it sounds to love without conditions. And, at times, it’s not […]
