KindCompassCoach focuses on personal development and self-discovery with an emphasis in positive psychology, self-compassion and well-being. We provide articles and resources related to positive energy, happiness, and optimism. All our content is written, however, with a profound understanding of something that may seem counter to our focus: Too much of a good thing can have negative side effects. That’s right. As with everything, too much positivity is not a good thing. And this kind of excess is becoming more and more common. What might be described as a “positivity overdose” even has its own name: Toxic Positivity.

Maintaining moderation in our attitudes about positivity is important.

When our efforts to stay positive and “look at the bright side” begin to mask our true feelings, it’s time to reassess.

Time to lighten up on the “good vibes only” approach to life.

And maybe consider making a change or two.

Because a case of toxic positivity may be much more harmful than a mild positivity deficiency.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the term used to describe the belief that no matter what, we should maintain a positive outlook.

When we feel compelled to squash negative feelings before they are expressed or processed, there’s a good chance we have a bit of toxic positivity brewing.

And if we feel guilty when we express or (even contain) feelings that are anything other than 100% positive, that’s a pretty sure sign, too.

We need to watch out for our own feelings, and also how we may be responding to those around us when they emote negativity.

If we often tell people ‘To think about how lucky they are’ or ‘it could be worse’, this is a sign that we may be a ‘positivity pusher’.

It’s not healthy or fair for us to dismiss or minimize the negative or unpleasant emotions of others.

And it’s not healthy for others to do that to us.

Toxic positivity can mean that we not only mask our true emotions, but that we begin to become a false version of our true selves.

It can also mean that we pressure others to do the same.

It’s Inauthentic to Always Be Positive

Being positive all of the time isn’t just impossible, it’s inauthentic.

We’re flawed people, we make mistakes, and things don’t always go as planned.

When life throws us a curve, it’s natural to be disappointed and momentarily thrown off our game.

Sometimes, when tragedy strikes, it can be extraordinarily difficult to recover.

During times like this, if we’re battling toxic positivity, we may feel guilt interspersed with our grief.

It may seem like an easier path to mow over our grief or other negative emotions; to pretend that we’re feeling better than we are.

But this quick fix often results in unresolved feelings that haunt us.

These true feelings deserve respect.

They are a sign that we have lived, loved, and experienced meaningful relationships.

That what we lost was precious and beautiful.

Or that we have big hopes and dreams, and a spirit that seeks new horizons, goals, and accomplishments.

Feeling a bit of sadness when we fail or have a misstep is only natural.

Effects of Toxic Positivity

It’s easy to see that masking our true feelings is not healthy.

But in addition to the obvious impact of toxic positivity – not being able to be our true selves, and be genuine and authentic – there can be downstream consequences that are much worse.

Because when humans attempt to numb a set of emotions, all of our emotions become blunted.

We’re incapable of minimizing negative emotions in isolation.

Attempting to do so means that we also curtail our ability to feel and understand genuine happiness and joy.

Suppressing emotions of any kind leads to stress.

Stress can result in anxiety and/or depression.

Masking feelings can also result in negative behaviors intended to numb our pain.

Alcohol and drug abuse.

Eating disorders of all kinds.

Not to mention the underlying effect of it all: reduced self-worth, and a sense of shame, rooted in not being positive enough, grateful enough, satisfied enough.

Toxic Positivity in Relationships

We’ve talked many times about how our relationships with others often mirror our relationship with ourselves.

If we are unable to honor our true feelings, chances are we will also have difficulty honoring them in others.

If we do not allow ourselves to be authentic, it’s likely we are also not tolerant or welcoming of other’s authentic feelings.

What does all this mean?

That if we suffer from toxic positivity, our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others are likely to be superficial, even phony.

Not a good thing.

“Positivity pushers” judge us when we express negative emotions.

They can create an aura that makes us realize it is only safe and acceptable to behave in certain ways around them.

Needless to say, this doesn’t facilitate deep or healthy friendships or relationships of any kind.

The Positivity Compromise

There’s no doubt that positivity in moderation is good for us.

Anticipating good outcomes, even in difficult times, can help restore our energy.

Focusing on the benefits of temporary setbacks can help us feel encouragement.

The key is to attend to our need to balance positivity with authenticity.

To seek positivity without squelching other feelings as they arise.

Something that can help is to name the emotions we experience.

Recognizing emotions for what they are and making a conscious effort to validate them before releasing them is critical for well-being.

We’re not only allowed to feel the way we do, but we’re also required to do so – if we’re going to be the people that we are each intended to be.

How To Avoid Toxic Positivity

As with many mental health related conditions, the habits and attitudes that may help cure our own case of toxic positivity stem from basic self-love and self-compassion.

Focusing on loving ourselves, nurturing our own well-being, and being as kind to ourselves as we would be to others are critical components of a positivity “detox”.

Similarly, reminding ourselves to more readily express our human capacity for compassion and empathy with others, can help minimize the odds that we may becoming a “positivity pusher”.

That shift in focus can be good for us as well as those around us.

Last, recognizing those who we spend time with who are not good for us is critical to our well-being.

Reassessing relationships with those who impose their judgment on our emotional state, and our freedom to express our feelings, is important.

All of these strategies can help restore authenticity in our own lives and our most precious relationships.

Let’s do our best to stay positive (in moderation) and provide non-judgmental support to those around us as they seek to navigate their own battles.

Thank you as always for reading.

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