We convince ourselves that we’re not capable, don’t deserve to be rewarded for our good work, or that we’re inadequate in some other way. We tell ourselves that we are bad people, poor parents, inadequate friends. That we’re not truly successful at anything. We’re hard on ourselves when we make mistakes, diminish the credit we are due when things go well, and criticize ourselves more harshly than we would ever criticize another. In short, we tell ourselves lies. We throw up barriers to our own happiness and fulfillment. Ask yourself: what lie is holding you back? Which self-limiting beliefs do you need to shed to move forward and thrive?
What Lie is Holding You Back?
Today’s post is all about these things we do to ourselves.
Let’s start by asking: What lie is holding us back? And what can we do to get out of our own way?
How to Identify Lies That Inform Our Thinking
It all starts with our thoughts.
We have to learn to question our thoughts, as we would question any other form of information that comes our way.
Thoughts are not necessarily right nor wrong.
Ideas that pass through our minds can spot on, but they can also be ill informed, or downright incorrect.
Too often, we assume because we think something, it’s true. But Job 1 in getting out of our own way is to question it all.
Examples of negative thoughts that we must challenge include:
- I look poorly in this outfit.
- I’m not qualified to contribute to this conversation.
- My coworkers don’t respect me.
- I neglect my friendships.
- I’m not there for my children when they need me.
- This relationship is all I’m worthy of.
- If others around me are unhappy, it’s my fault.
- I will never find happiness.
- I’m unlucky, and things will never go right for me.
Identifying lies we tell ourselves is a good place to begin.
Initially, it is enough to simply work on retraining ourselves to notice when we’re telling ourselves things that are not necessarily true.
Especially when they are negative ideas that do not serve us. So, let’s start there.
What Lie Is Holding You Back?
Beginning today, let’s make an effort to question and re-question every negative thought that occurs to us.
The same way we would question those thoughts if they occurred to a close friend or colleague.
If a friend came to you saying she was feeling worthless, what would you say to her?
Let’s find a healthier right mindset and re-program our instincts to provide the same kindness, reassurance, and comfort to ourselves, today and always.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
2 Responses
I needed your message today, as I have been quite aware of my continuous negative self thoughts that I “allowed” myself to not only think, but also taking these negative thoughts & speaking poorly about myself to others. This has created self-isolation & pushing people away, as I ask the question, “Would I want to be around someone like me?”
I have the intent to change, yet I feel stuck with waking up each day with the challenge of only thinking positive thoughts. This works well for a few hours then I am back to self-sabotage, which only takes me further down the path leading to a dead-end street.This is NOT who I used to be throughout my life. I have shifted away from many things in life that I enjoy… especially my inspirational thoughts I put on paper. I also question “what happened?” & this is what keeps me ruminating on negative thoughts. Isolating keeps me from positive places & upbeat people connections, which is key to a healthy mindset. The reality is that it doesn’t matter what happened, it’s believing in knowing I have the power of choice & that is what leads to positive changes. As I’ve heard the saying, “Nothing changes if nothing changes” & it’s time to take a more serious approach on changing my thoughts.
Thank you again for this message, as it helps me identify the lies I have been telling myself that no longer serve any meaning or purpose in my life. ⚘
Cheryl, thank you so much for reading and commenting, and especially for sharing your thoughts. What you’re doing is brave! We all need these reminders, constantly, please don’t feel alone in that. Lots of good luck and best wishes as you continue your journey.