Are you in a relationship with someone who hesitates to take responsibility or make commitments? Do you know a grown person who behaves more like a child or teen? “Arrested development” is a term that describes this condition. It arises when a person is “stuck” at an early phase of emotional development.
Arrested development is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when people fail to progress emotionally, socially, or psychologically beyond a certain point in their lives.
This stagnation can have profound effects on their overall well-being and relationships.
Causes of Arrested Development
Arrested development can result from trauma, grief, or neglect.
It may occur when a child, preteen, or adolescent is subject to an experience that they are unable to resolve.
This sometimes happens due to a lack of parental nurturing.
If the child doesn’t get the nurturing required, their psychological development may not move ahead.
They get stuck.
In fact, they may remain frozen at the stage they are into adulthood and beyond.
Learn More About Arrested DevelopmentAdult children who remain in a dependent or co-dependent relationship with a parent often experience arrested development.
These people may live at home as adults.
They may be unwilling to assume adult responsibilities and may refrain from or delay marrying, having children, or buying a home.
And they may struggle with alcohol or substance abuse or other forms of addiction.
They may also have difficulty entering into and participating in committed relationships.
To learn more, please read: The Stages of Arrested Development.
Other Causes of Arrested Development
Some think that arrested development is an inherited psychological condition.
But most believe that it’s a child’s defense against psychological or emotional pain and that childhood trauma and unresolved issues are often the primary cause of arrested development.
Traumatic events experienced during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or the loss of a loved one, can impede emotional and social development.
Take a 5 Question Childhood Trauma Test
If these traumas are not addressed and processed, those impacted may remain stuck in certain emotional states, unable to move forward and reach their full potential.
For example, a child who loses a parent may process that loss effectively, if they are supported by others.
But a child who doesn’t have support may be unable to release their grief effectively.
Being unable to process their grief may cause them to remain stuck at that emotional age of development indefinitely.
Arrested development can be fueled by a fear of change and a reluctance to take risks. This fear may stem from past failures, rejection, or a lack of self-confidence. As a result, those who suffer from arrested development may avoid stepping out of their comfort zones, resisting opportunities for personal growth and development.
Their fear of change acts as a barrier, keeping them trapped in a state of emotional and social stagnation.
Learn More About Emotional AbuseTreatment
Some believe healing may happen through life experiences (e.g., “adulting”).
But others believe this won’t happen on its own.
They believe people who are experiencing this condition can only move on if they encounter an adult who helps them effectively process their trauma.
That person also must demonstrate behavior appropriate to the next phase of development.
Learn More About Counseling Approaches for Unresolved TraumaTo read more about recovery strategies, please read: Overcoming Arrested Development as an Adult
Symptoms and Psychology of Arrested Development
Some may exhibit greed, immaturity or irrational fear.
Others may develop addictions and be prone to blame others for their misfortunes.
People with arrested development may also struggle with emotional regulation. They may find it challenging to manage their emotions effectively, leading to outbursts of anger, impulsivity, or emotional shutdown.
Confusion and resentment may also present.
One form of this condition often results in narcissistic personality disorder.
To make matters worse, the conditions that arise are especially difficult to treat since they often form at a very young age.
Limited Social Skills and Interpersonal Difficulties
Arrested development often manifests in limited social skills and interpersonal difficulties. People with arrested development may struggle to form and maintain meaningful relationships, lacking the necessary emotional intelligence and social competence to do so.
They may find it challenging to connect with others, express their emotions, or empathize with different perspectives.
These social limitations perpetuate their arrested development, as they hinder the ability to engage in healthy emotional exchanges and personal growth through relationships.
Being in a relationship with a person who suffers from arrested development can be very frustrating.
Difficulties in emotional regulation can hinder personal growth and interpersonal relationships, as they prevent people from navigating life’s challenges in a healthy and adaptive manner.
But, as with almost everything, it can help to focus on compassion for the victim.
They may be the way they are due to a challenging childhood. And in many ways, they are still that neglected or abused child.
If you know someone who experiences arrested development, try to be the adult they can look to for inspiration.
Be kind and supportive as you treat them as the adult that they are.
As with other mental health conditions, arrested development may resolve through talk therapy or other treatment from a qualified counselor.
Encourage your loved one to seek care so that they may move through the phases of emotional development.
Fixed Mindset and Resistance to Growth
Possessing a fixed mindset and resisting personal growth are common features of arrested development.
Those with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities and qualities are set in stone and cannot be changed or improved.
This fixed mindset can lead to a lack of motivation for personal growth or the belief that personal change is impossible.
Resisting growth further perpetuates their arrested development, preventing them from embracing new experiences and opportunities for self-improvement.
Lack of Self-Awareness and Reflection
Arrested development can be reinforced by a lack of self-awareness and reflection.
Without self-awareness, people may be oblivious to their emotional stagnation and the underlying factors contributing to it.
Self-reflection is necessary for personal growth, as it allows us to examine our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, gaining insight into patterns or barriers that prevent further development.
Is It Really Arrested Development?
We all know someone who breaks promises. They may start projects, only to abandon them mid-way through. Maybe they can’t commit to a routine, or a job schedule. When you make plans to meet, they show up late or not at all. They avoid difficult conversations and confrontation.
As a result of their inability to commit, their relationships are often transitory or superficial.
They may be unable to commit to a life partner or even own a home.
Some people who experience these challenges are definitely experiencing arrested development.
But some may just have personality tendencies that resemble the condition.
Differences Between Arrested Development and Narcissism
There are some similarities between arrested development and narcissism, however, there are also distinct difference that help us to distinguish one from the other.
- Core Characteristics: Narcissism primarily revolves around an excessive focus on oneself, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. In contrast, arrested development is centered around emotional and psychological stagnation. People with arrested development display behaviors and thought patterns characteristic of an earlier stage of development.
- Impact on Relationships: Those with narcissistic tendencies often prioritize their own needs and desires above others, leading to difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships. Their lack of empathy and constant need for validation can strain interpersonal connections. On the other hand, arrested development can hinder emotional intimacy and contribute to codependent dynamics, as those with arrested development may struggle with emotional regulation and self-sufficiency.
- Treatment Approaches: While both narcissism and arrested development can benefit from therapy, the treatment approaches often differ. Narcissistic personality disorder may require specialized therapeutic techniques aimed at addressing deep-rooted patterns of behavior and fostering empathy. In contrast, therapy for those with arrested development may focus on helping them develop the skills and coping mechanisms necessary for emotional growth and maturity.
Signs and Symptoms
When adults tend to act like children, it can be a strong clue that they suffer from arrested development.
Some examples of specific behaviors to look out for include:
- Tantrums: Being unable to manage anger or other emotions, or to keep an even keel. Sometimes these episodes can result in physical altercations or damage to property.
- Telling Lies: Those with arrested development may make up elaborate stories to explain away their own poor behavior or to cover up mistakes they have made.
- Name-calling and Bullying: Making fun of other’s physical appearance, personality characteristics or social circumstances.
- Poor Impulse control: Those with arrested development may exhibit lack of self-control. They may make rash decisions. Or be prone to interrupting others when they speak.
- Blame-Shifting: Individuals with arrested development look for others to blame. Or make other excuses for their own behavior.
- Seeking the Spotlight: Like unruly children, an adult with arrested development tends to dominate the situation. They can be overbearing and rude to others around them.
- Self-Centeredness: Those with arrested development truly believe they are the center of the universe. They do not see other’s feelings or beliefs or activities or needs as important as their own. In fact, they may go so far as to have an altered view of reality. This can result in gaslighting those around them. They may also exhibit other narcissistic personality characteristics.
Arrested Development Additional Resources
Creating and using a questionnaire to determine if someone may have signs of arrested development should be approached with caution, as mental health assessments should ideally be conducted by trained professionals.
However, it can be helpful to use an arrested development questionnaire as an initial screening tool, to learn more about whether professional help is needed.
Cognitive Abilities Affected by Arrested Development
Another unfortunate impact of arrested development is that it may delay or impair the brain’s ability to develop and acquire cognitive skills.
Those with arrested development may struggle with learning, problem-solving, memory, and other cognitive functions.
1. Learning and Memory
People with arrested development often face challenges in acquiring new knowledge and retaining information. Their ability to process and comprehend new concepts may be delayed or impaired. This could manifest in difficulties in academic settings, where learning and memory play a critical role.
2. Problem-Solving and Decision Making
Arrested development can hinder a person’s problem-solving and decision-making abilities. They may struggle to analyze complex situations, find effective solutions, and make decisions based on logical reasoning. This can impact their ability to navigate daily challenges and adapt to new circumstances.
3. Executive Functions
Executive functions include crucial skills like attention, planning, organizing, and self-control. Those with arrested development may exhibit deficits in these areas, finding it challenging to focus, stay organized, manage time, or regulate their emotions effectively.
4. Language and Communication
Language and communication skills can also be affected. People who experience arrested development may experience delays or difficulties in language development, such as expressing themselves or understanding verbal and written information.
These challenges can hinder social interactions and limit their ability to effectively communicate with others.
What May Help Arrested Development
One of the most common causes of arrested development often is unresolved trauma in childhood, adolescence or even adulthood.
The trauma, when not processed properly can cause a person to freeze at their current stage of emotional development, or to be unable to move onto further adult phases and commitments.
Accordingly, techniques that can help appropriately surface and diffuse past trauma are the key to helping adults get unfrozen, so to speak, and continue the maturation or development process.
The American Psychological Association (APA) has identified a number of strategies to treat unresolved trauma.
They include (but are not limited to) cognitive processing therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure (PE) therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). As with any mental health or psychological issue, specific treatments should only be prescribed by a licensed provider.
Have You Experienced Trauma?
As noted above, unresolved trauma is one of the most common causes of arrested development. It can also lead to many other psychological or emotional conditions. You may not be aware that you have experienced trauma, and trauma can result from a wide range of situations and experiences depending on our age and personal characteristics.
Resolving childhood trauma can be essential to your mental health and can help you to avoid developing other mental health conditions.
If you suspect you may have experienced childhood trauma or know you have experienced trauma at other times in your life, it is essential to seek the help and support you need to process it appropriately.
Learn More About Unresolved Childhood TraumaSeeking Professional Help and Support
Overcoming arrested development often requires professional help and support.
A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, helping individuals gain self-awareness, process past traumas, develop emotional regulation skills, and challenge limiting beliefs.
Through therapy, those who struggle can pave the way for personal growth, increased self-confidence, enhanced overall well-being, and embark on a journey towards emotional maturity and fulfillment.
Thank you as always for reading.
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Joan Senio is the founder of KindCompassCoach. Her career includes 20+ years as a health care executive and 15 years (and counting) as a consultant. The common thread through Joan’s professional life has been a commitment to lead, mentor and coach current and future leaders, and women from all walks of life. KindCompassCoach provides information and advice grounded in Joan’s personal experience; however, all articles are backed by research and provide facts and advice from a wide variety of experts. Joan also serves as a thought-leader for KuelLife.com and is a regular contributor to PsychReg and Sixty and Me.
6 Responses
This perfectly describes both my father and brother. Thank you so much for sharing this post! It is so easy to get frustrated with them, but this post helps me find some empathy for their mental state ♥️
Very interesting, Joan! Thank you so much for posting this as it really gave me something to think about. xo
Boy, this describes my stepson at almost 60 years old. No wife no job no friends no life except for his dog. He’s brilliant but oppositional and argumentative. He’s partially handicapped which makes it worse. He can’t drive. He lives with me and my husband who is 82 (his bio dad) who feels terribly guilty for his “failure to launch”! My husband is also handicapped. They butt heads all the time, but are co-dependent. . I’m at tilt as they do the “dance” of who’s more important.
Hello Bobbye, Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. I hope your stepson finds a path forward that enables his future healing. Please be sure to take care of yourself, too – it sounds as though you have your hands full!
I think this is me. I’ve been physically disabled since birth and I am so pigtail dependent I don’t feel like I’ve been able to mature. It’s screwing up my relationship but I can’t seem to change. I see what I do but I still react poorly. I’m just so lost.
Jessica, I can relate and I’m looking for groups where I can heal this affliction. I go to Adult Children of Alcoholics which doesn’t use the term “arrested development” but does focus on the wounded inner child. Searh ACA Laundry list and see if this fits you, then maybe find a local or online meeting. Good luck